Are you possessive? What makes you jealous in a relationship? (3 Viewers)

[Cykologi_gal]

I've just come off the phone with my b.f. and oh well, he just mentioned in passing that there are something things about himself which he couldn't share with me. He wants to protect me from being hurt when he's angry, frustrated etc etc and doesn't want me to see him like that, as he thinks that it'll give a wrong image of him. However, he does have another girl friend to confide in ('cos the blokes don't understand some of the things)...they're really old friends and they liked eachother before but never got around to do anything about it, and now they just chat on MSN and nothing else. He told me that she's distant enough yet also close to "slash out" at when he needs to talk abt really personal stuff which he couldn't share with me.

I told him that I don't expect to know everything about him, 'cos one does need to keep certain things personal, even when they love each other deeply...but I can't help but feel a bit jealous. He says that he knows what I can cope with and what I can't, after knowing me for 5 years...and that he loves me and isn't going anywhere. I know this might be unreasonable jealousy and that everyone would need another opposite-sex confidente even when they're in a relationship.

So what makes you jealous/possessive etc in a relationship?

P.S. A bit of reassurance/advice needed...

I JUST HATE IT HOW I'M THE GF AND YET THERE'RE THINGS WHICH CAN'T BE TOLD, yet can be told to another girl - it's utterly unresonable - how I feel etc, but I hate how the world works.

 

[mr_brightside]

I'd be pressing him for what's up =\

 

[breaking]

He told me that she's distant enough yet also close to "slash out" at when he needs to talk abt really personal stuff which he couldn't share with me.

slash out? more like...
(have a) slash on!

LOLO

 

[azzie]

People are like that.
Especially guys.

I mean, I know secrets about my boyfriend which only two or three people besides him know, and he tells me a lot of stuff. But there are just some things he probably feels more comfortable talking to his other mates about, and I don't really mind.

I used to be posessive, but now I'm quite lax about it. The less you worry and act posessive, the more someone is happy to confide in you.

Still, I'd be cautious about any guy who isn't able to tell me the honest truth 110% of the time, even if it isn't pretty.

 

[punkoohi]

if theres certain things he cant tell you, then its just the way he is... i know it kinda sucks, but sometimes he just feels more comofrtable confiding in friends.. but i don't know, its strange.. it depends what kind of stuff it is i guess... just don't allow it to play on your mind too much...

what do i get jealous/possessive about? i don't get jealous too much (Thank God), but when i do, it lasts for 5 mins... and then im over it... but i like my attention, i don't like someone giving the attention they usually give to me, to someone else.. if that makes sense?

 

[Cykologi_gal]

Yes, everyone of us like to feel that the attention that we get is unique/one of a kind etc, we wouldn't want others who love us to love others or even think of them in the same way, do we?!

 

[the hsc sucks]

I've just come off the phone with my b.f. and oh well, he just mentioned in passing that there are something things about himself which he couldn't share with me. He wants to protect me from being hurt when he's angry, frustrated etc etc and doesn't want me to see him like that, as he thinks that it'll give a wrong image of him. However, he does have another girl friend to confide in...they're really old friends and they liked eachother before but never got around to do anything about it, and now they just chat on MSN and nothing else. He told me that she's distant enough yet also close to "slash out" at when he needs to talk abt really personal stuff which he couldn't share with me.

I told him that I don't expect to know everything about him, 'cos one does need to keep certain things personal, even when they love each other deeply...but I can't help but feel a bit jealous. He says that he knows what I can cope with and what I can't, after knowing me for 5 years...and that he loves me and isn't going anywhere. I know this might be unreasonable jealousy and that everyone would need another opposite-sex confidente even when they're in a relationship.

So what makes you jealous/possessive etc in a relationship?

P.S. A bit of reassurance/advice needed...

a similar situation actually. my bf has a good female friend who hes known for 4 years, compared to the 1 and 3 months hes known me. they liked each other briefly but did not act on it, and although shes married, she still makes me feel insecure. although he doesnt know, i dont like her much. but then ive only met her once.

 

[what971]

I'm quite the jealous type. What makes me jealous/possesive in the relationship? Pretty much, every girl that comes within touching distance of my b/f, other girls he has on his mobile phone/MSN etc. Having said that, it's not like I ever act on it and I know that the tinge of jealousy I feel is stupid so I never make it a relationship issue. I just have to deal with it, because it's obviously my own personality problem, that I'll eventually get over.

I'm a hypocrite too cause I have guy friends (and my b/f seems cool with it) and the person I actually most LOVE outside my immediate family is..........a six year old girl that I teach at Sunday School. Everytime she sees me and yells out 'unni' and smiles, I almost feel as warm as if I'm with my b/f. I don't think she's going to threaten our relationship though.. haha

 

[what971]

She gives me plenty of hugs as well.

LYKE OMG GO TO DA JAIL!

 

[Bendent]

Yes, everyone of us like to feel that the attention that we get is unique/one of a kind etc, we wouldn't want others who love us to love others or even think of them in the same way, do we?!

particularly those ppl with low confidence, or think he/she is not good/hot enough for the other person.

 

[Cykologi_gal]

Hmm kind of true here, he always goes on about how perfect, beautiful, wonderful, caring etc etc I am...deep down I'm just hoping that both his eyes are really, actually, open like he says they are.

 

[SiZmOs]

how long has he known this other girl?

 

[Dr_Doom]

I wouldn't worry about it

 

[Nakashima]

If he says they're just friends, then just believe it. Worrying about it doesn't help, and it'll make you moody which will in turn make him want to spend more time with someone more fun.

Of course, it depends a bit on how hot she is compared to you.

 

[dodgyfilokid]

I get jealous really really easily..as soon as I sense something fishy is happening with a girl Im into I just start shiftin into overdrive mode and will query people including her about the rumour..With my ex I wasnt jealous at all..well durin d dating process I was simply because I got burned nastily before by false rumours and yep I decided to act now. Im naturally a jealous bloke coz I have this sense of being loyal to someone and not letting anyone interfere severely with relationships

 

[Nakashima]

I get jealous really really easily..as soon as I sense something fishy is happening with a girl Im into I just start shiftin into overdrive mode and will query people including her about the rumour..With my ex I wasnt jealous at all..well durin d dating process I was simply because I got burned nastily before by false rumours and yep I decided to act now. Im naturally a jealous bloke coz I have this sense of being loyal to someone and not letting anyone interfere severely with relationships

Usually I find unsupported suspicions really annoying. I think a lot of people do. It's really not worth your breath to accuse her of something just cause you had a hunch. If you think about it, as if she'd actually come out and say she's been cheating.

 

[Bendent]

yeah i agree. you need to be strong and have confidence and be yourself, that person would probably like you more and more.

 

[iambored]

I JUST HATE IT HOW I'M THE GF AND YET THERE'RE THINGS WHICH CAN'T BE TOLD, yet can be told to another girl - it's utterly unresonable - how I feel etc, but I hate how the world works.

to tell you the truth, that would have to be the pinnacle of bad.

firstly, i don't think you have anything to worry about, you don't have to worry that he is cheating or that he wants the other girl. he could have kept the whole thing a secret, it's the way he works, etc. etc.

but, i think i would much prefer to be hurt and hear the truth and know they could talk to me than to have the truth kept from me to protect me and then told to some other girl. i would not deal with that well, at all.

 

[AsyLum]

Jealousy I think is born from a sense of miscommunication more than anything. Initially most people will only know, at best, half of what a person is really like, and its just a matter of figuring out if you can stand the other 50% which is usually revealed only to certain people/family.

As for the whole bf being in contact with females, I think its a bit harsh on the poor fucker, I mean, until such a time he actually does something, give him a break, otherwise you're only making the oppurtunity more appealing and almost push him/expect him to cheat on you.

 

[AsyLum]

Thanks Karen, hot sig