assess the place of the law (1 Viewer)

[connie]

i really hate these assess the place of the law questions, i don't know they can't stick to effectiveness, anyway i did an intro for a question, looking for constructive criticism

"Assess the place of the law in resolving conflict and encouraging cooperation between those who act in a discriminatory manner and the victims of discrimination in the workplace."

Traditionally the legal system has adopted a state intervention philosophy and subsquently based law around it. That is, the government imposes controls over the conduct of the market (or society) consequently lessening the opportunity for persons to conduct themselves in an uninhibited manner. However recent ideology is based on the laissez faire approach, which, suggests that the market (or society) will determine which business and practices are best suited to certain situations. The laissez-faire approach results in slower development of the law relating to workplace conflict. It additionally makes the presupposition that persons dealing with one another have an equal ability to contract. Therefore the effectiveness of the law in resolving conflict is limited due to the ideology upon which it is based.

 

[Golani]

I don't do workplace, but still. Overall pretty good intro, though there are, however, a few (constructive) remarks:
1. second line, "subsequently"
2. "based law", can't say that, either go with based the law, or 'established/developed' laws around it..
3. Third line, comma after the brackets will help.
4. Fourth line, comma after however is required.
5. Fifth line, no comma after 'which' is required
6. Line six, go with 'businesses' rather than 'business' since you went with the plural with 'practices'.
7. 'Presupposition', i liky .

More generally, i know the notion of laissez faire from conusmer law. You should introduce it better by saying someting like, "the philosophy that maintains that the goverment should have no interference in the private negotiations between individuals (or corporations) is termed laissez faire.

The smaller things will probably go unnoticed during the marking anyways, and if some were caused by typo then i'm sorry for advance for being picky, but hey, you asked for healthy criticism...