Fear of commitment-for the girls (1 Viewer)

[balin.kid]

I know many guys and chicks for that matter think that girls are all out for love and meaningful relationships but...
I myself am very scared of commitment
I have met a few really nice guys that i clickd with but once we start dating and they want to see me all the time i freak out and begin to resent the thought of them or having to see them again..
on the other hand.. guys that play hard to get, drive me crazy i love it but like i said once the chase is over they want to hang out all the time and its like the thrill disappears...
I have tried the whole "just talk to him about it" thing but it never works...
help! lol

 

[Legham]

What's there to be afraid of if you like the person? Unless you're the kind of person who would go out with someone based on physical attraction alone, and you dread seeing them later because you realize that you dont like their personality..

 

[xx__savannah]

I'm kinda the same. I was juggling just flirting with and occasionally seeing and hooking up with a few guys every now and then for a few weeks, enjoying being single, and when one of them wanted to see me every 2 or 3 days I just backed off completely.

I put it down to a long-term relationship I had. Half of the 3 years we had together was like a complete mental fuckover -- told me I was a fat ugly skank pretty much constantly if I wasn't dressed neck-to-knee, fucking prude, and that he was the best thing that would ever happen to me. Since then I've just been too insecure to settle down.

Tried it for a while with a guy I clicked really well with, then ended up kinda sabotaging it after VDay by saying he deserved much better. We've just started talking again, don't think we'll be a couple or anything like that, which is reassuring.

I reckon I'll just stick to flirting and flings every now and then.


Edit: Legham, it's not quite so easy to explain. There's the fear of being rejected after a while, fear of being cheated on, fear of being compared to his ex-gf, and finally the fear of getting hurt among others.

 

[Gilbert1]

Edit: Legham, it's not quite so easy to explain. There's the fear of being rejected after a while, fear of being cheated on, fear of being compared to his ex-gf, and finally the fear of getting hurt among others.

So let me get this right. You have all the same fears that the guy would have in the relationship? Is that right?

 

[AsyLum]

So let me get this right. You have all the same fears that the guy would have in the relationship? Is that right?

It can't possibly be that, they're female for christsakes!

 

[alby]

just try to enjoy being single - do things with your friends, try to concentrate on your school work, etc. dont go out looking for guys, but if they come to you just do whatever you feel comfy doing...and TELL THEM if you're not comfy, try to explain your feelings to them if you can

 

[Legham]

Edit: Legham, it's not quite so easy to explain. There's the fear of being rejected after a while, fear of being cheated on, fear of being compared to his ex-gf, and finally the fear of getting hurt among others.

Ya, i meant cause she said she got freaked out when they hung around too much. Bad wording on my part

 

[xx__savannah]

So let me get this right. You have all the same fears that the guy would have in the relationship? Is that right?

I wouldn't know. I'm not a bloke, and no guys have ever spilt their guts to me on this matter.

 

[fly.away.fairy]

I completly get you.
This happened to me, basically every time i liked a guy and we started going out. As soon as he showed some sort of attachment/getting closer i would in a way be repulsed, see all the bad things and run like hell. Its been crap. After talking to a friend i realise, it might just mean your not ready for a relationship. Wait a while, for the guy that would actually work hard to keep you with him.

 

[Tulipa]

I was a commitment phobe until I met the right guy and realised that I wasn't previously ready for any kind of commitment. It takes time, enjoy being single, blah blah blah. Seriously. It'll come eventually.

Or you know, you'll end up 37 and alone, miserable and fat. Fun times ahead huh!

 

[Forbidden.]

I completly get you.
This happened to me, basically every time i liked a guy and we started going out. As soon as he showed some sort of attachment/getting closer i would in a way be repulsed, see all the bad things and run like hell. Its been crap. After talking to a friend i realise, it might just mean your not ready for a relationship. Wait a while, for the guy that would actually work hard to keep you with him.

Then you runaway with the inheritance your partner's mother offered to you.

 

[jumb]

Or you know, you'll end up 37 and alone, miserable and fat. Fun times ahead huh!

And have lots of pets cats!

 

[Legham]

 

[jooobl]

And have lots of pets cats!

catz r kewl

 

[Josie]

I'm going to be a crazy cat lady. And it will be good.

 

[jumb]

I'm going to be a crazy cat lady.

You accidentally added "going to be" in there. PS send me sexy pics plz.

 

[balin.kid]

I completly get you.
This happened to me, basically every time i liked a guy and we started going out. As soon as he showed some sort of attachment/getting closer i would in a way be repulsed, see all the bad things and run like hell. Its been crap. After talking to a friend i realise, it might just mean your not ready for a relationship. Wait a while, for the guy that would actually work hard to keep you with him.

Thats what i mean.... everytime i say to myself 'this one will be different' but it never is.. I have learnd to love being single and i have a few flings every so often but like you sed the more they pay attention the more i begin to notice the bad things about them and just want to get away which sounds horrible...glad someones on the same wave link..........
I put it down to.. when a guy was trying to force me to have sex with him when I was only 13.
at the moment I just love the thrill of the chase with guys that play hard to get

 

[Tulipa]

Yeah the whole almost raped thing would definitely play a part.

Probably deep seeded trust issues and stereotyping on your part of all men. No offence.

Might want to explore that further with someone close to you?

 

[Josie]

You accidentally added "going to be" in there. PS send me sexy pics plz.

At the moment I'm crazy, but I don't have any cats.

P.S No sexy pics.

 

[pattii]

commitment is for losers