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Poem - plz read (1 Viewer)

Born Dancer

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bwahahahaha if you had've even glanced at my responses to the other inane and completely unitelligent teen poems on here you would've picked up on my sarcasm. unfortunately for you what i meant to say was that was boring and unoriginal. im sick of teens suddenly thinking they are amazing at poetry
 

miracle_emmy

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bwahahahaha if you had've even glanced at my responses to the other inane and completely unitelligent teen poems on here you would've picked up on my sarcasm. unfortunately for you what i meant to say was that was boring and unoriginal. im sick of teens suddenly thinking they are amazing at poetry
i never said i was amazing at poetry,i was trying to be encouraging because this person has gotten some mean comments.i won't try to explain that to you though because obviously encouragement and kindness are foreign concepts to you... in fact i bet you're so detached that what I'm writing won't even matter to you but i couldn't care less.besides if you read that it doesn't sound sarcastic so you're a failure at being sarcastic as people are actually supposed to understand your meaning, so i really don't think that you should be feeling good about yourself,in fact if i was you i probably wouldn't even reply,I'm sure you will though because you seem like the type that never shuts up.:mad1:
 

Tulipa

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Actually, most of the comments that the initial poems received were constructive criticism. It wasn't perfect and so, in addition to pointing that out, a number of posters suggested ways for the author to improve.

Also, don't take posts like that so personally. It's just an internet forum.
 

miracle_emmy

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Actually, most of the comments that the initial poems received were constructive criticism. It wasn't perfect and so, in addition to pointing that out, a number of posters suggested ways for the author to improve.

Also, don't take posts like that so personally. It's just an internet forum.
thanks for the advice,i'm listening to you and taking this as constructive critiscm :)
smiles...
 

klaris

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V. Good. I applaud your effort and skill. However, a little less metaphor/simile would be good. If your just starting out, then you don't want to over-do-it. Tip? Read, read and read. By reading other prominent author's, poets, playwrights, even short stories will enhance your own writing.
 

Born Dancer

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V. Good. I applaud your effort and skill. However, a little less metaphor/simile would be good. If your just starting out, then you don't want to over-do-it. Tip? Read, read and read. By reading other prominent author's, poets, playwrights, even short stories will enhance your own writing.
nb: jodie piccoult and stephenie meyer do not count as credible authors
 

djraven87

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I know i probly shudnt post it on here but i dont know how to create a new thread :confused:

Can you please read my poem and give me any tips to improvement??

I will always love you

I love you
I love you not
Millions of questions
Running through my head.

We were perfect in every single way
And when i confessed my love for you
You simply pished me away...
Without realising how much i had fallen for you.

I miss your cute smile,
The way it made me feel..
Everytime you said "i love you"
I pinched myself to mke sure it was real

You thought my love was a frendship,
It was meaningless to you.
I went beyond my comfort zone,
just so i could please you.

Every step of the way,
you told me what to do.
You said it would make you happy,
and i thought i was proving my love to you

I lost my happiness
I lost my hope
I forgot how to smile..
Regardless of you teaching me so much.

My emotions took control,
but my brain kept doubting you.
I took the confusion out on myself,
just so i didn't hurt you.

Your lack of love
made me cry,
made me bleed,
it even made me want to commit suicide.

Now i realise through the hurt and pain,
that i still love you
and i would do anything
just to be with you again.
</3
Any comments are appreciated
Thnx​


 

Born Dancer

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Oh, I realise that, absolutely. When I say prominent or credible authors I mean Orwell, Shakespear, Austen, Dickens, Woolf etc. I, thank god, missed the Twilight mania currently sweeping our nation. Thank God
i was moreso referring to the wave of teenagers who seem to be posting mundane sentimental "i'm a teenager so my poetry is heartfelt and awesome" rubbish lately.

teenage girls really need to stop writing about their heartbreak. its boring to read, i don't care about some loser who you thought looked at you on the bus in year 6. find some new subject matter.
 

Born Dancer

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I know i probly shudnt post it on here but i dont know how to create a new thread :confused:

Can you please read my poem and give me any tips to improvement??

I will always love you

I love you
I love you not
Millions of questions
Running through my head.

We were perfect in every single way
And when i confessed my love for you
You simply pished me away...
Without realising how much i had fallen for you.

I miss your cute smile,
The way it made me feel..
Everytime you said "i love you"
I pinched myself to mke sure it was real

You thought my love was a frendship,
It was meaningless to you.
I went beyond my comfort zone,
just so i could please you.

Every step of the way,
you told me what to do.
You said it would make you happy,
and i thought i was proving my love to you

I lost my happiness
I lost my hope
I forgot how to smile..
Regardless of you teaching me so much.

My emotions took control,
but my brain kept doubting you.
I took the confusion out on myself,
just so i didn't hurt you.

Your lack of love
made me cry,
made me bleed,
it even made me want to commit suicide.

Now i realise through the hurt and pain,
that i still love you
and i would do anything
just to be with you again.
</3
Any comments are appreciated
Thnx​


it's boring. noone wants to read this kind of sap except for other tween girls who feel they can really relate because they had a serious relationship when they were in kindergarten. it's long and unimaginative and the strict rhythm just gets boring because it's exactly the same all the way through
 

iNerd

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since we are sharing poems.
i don't even know how DEEP mine are.
but anyways some poems from my poem book
which I started when I was 12

VAIN

Their faces smirk
Know it all,
Know nothing

I was one
Could till be

Had it all.
Had nothing

They are so vain.

(wrote it when i was 14...)




SLEEPY

Late nights
Rought days

Walking in a line of daze
Half full or half empty?

The misty nights all disconnecting
Amongst which the wind breathes
Through the thoughts
They stop the mind
From actually stopping

And so,
You think,
And think,
And think,

(written when I was 13)



ANGER

Bottle inside
misconceived
alone

Blood smeared heart
Cold feet
Empty head

Thinking of consequences?
Maybe
Not

It's how you show,
how it is given

(14 too)


yer just a collection of some of the poems I made. There not really your stereotypical poems. and constructive critism appretiated, and insults are ok too. compliments, even better..
 

B.O.R.E.D.

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Your poem, is good. Though it does seem to have a smattering of cliches, other than that, I like it. It's simple, which is good (not that complex poetry is bad). You might want to try sonnets - you know Shall I compare thee to a summer's day (Shakespear) or How do I love thee (Elizabeth Barret Browning). Though, you probably already know all this...
ahhh katie my dear friend, always trying to help my intellectual well being. As you would know katie i did happen to have wrote this towards the end of last year (year 9), i have improved muchly since, for example im using more grammar now =) and thank you all for your help i am working on my poetry, and katie also as you kno i do take great intrest in shakespeare =)

To everyone, I'd also like to say a big thank you, to both those for and against my poetry =) i am trying to improve, hopefully i have. Thank you xx
 

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