what the hell am i doing tw sad (1 Viewer)

[anon777]

I've lost all my motivation to do anything.
Like every single day I just get up, turn on my classes then go to bed. I never study, I never do my homework. I feel so useless and so tired. I want to do work but I never do. I think it's my laziness, I just need to get over myself and do the work but I just keep on procrastinating. I've barely been eating nowadays, DEF not showering as much as I should, staying in my bed is the easiest thing and I don't want to leave me comfort zone. Everyone around me seems to be so focused for studying for trials and then I'm here not doing anything. I know I'm weak and I know that this is all my own making, I don't want to make excuses for my lazy behaviour but also I. just. cant. What is wrong with me man? Getting up and doing work, I have no motivation at all. I don't know why, I just want to do nothing. At this rate if I go to university, I'll be a potato.
What is wrong with me? I know that I'm weak, I know that this whole message is sad but I just want to do better. I feel so lonely. I've shut everyone out and if I do ever tell anyone how I'm feeling, they never know how to respond which is understandable because they aren't my therapist SO I just don't say anything. I feel so superficial and feel like I've focused on my looks so much and compared myself to every girl on instagram. Why am I so stupid man, so irresponsible that I can't just suck it up and get work done.
Anyways, being inside has really killed me inside, if I try to study, my siblings and family are right outside my door and I can't focus. I am privelleged to have a stable home and stable internet connection but I forget it so often. I take things for granted but I can't help but feel so crappy. I ignore my closest friend's texts and I feel like I'm loosing all of them. I want to do my HSC and I want to study but I'm so self involved that I can't get over myself and do work. I'm considered an adult now, no one will come and baby me and make me do my work, I have to do it myself. With this lockdown, I think that I've lost my mind TBH like I was barely holding on before but now it's just **no motivation**.
Edit:
I have tutoring almost everday, I try to focus but its so difficult but its probably just my laziness. People tell me that I'll get into uni easily but that's because I've started to lie about my marks... So self-conscious that I lie about my marks now. Some people think that I'm smart and I don't want to disappoint anyone. I just want to get into uni but I know that if I get there, it'll be a completely different story.
Sorry, I have no one to tell and I just want advice idk.

 

[cloud_berry]

Hey don’t beat yourself up too much, lockdown has been harsh on all of us and it’s totally understandable why you’d have no motivation. Just keep in mind this lockdown will have affected people differently depending on your individual circumstances - that is why you definitely shouldn’t be comparing yourself to others, each of us are gonna be affected differently from the pandemic from our individual differences and factors which are out of our control.
Your first priority right now should be taking care of your mental and physical health. Give yourself a couple of days (or however long is needed) to prioritise your health first.
I wouldn’t worry about marks at this point or doing your best - most students at this point won’t be able to show their true potential since everyone’s been disadvantaged. I understand studying right now is really hard, and I’ve been struggling a lot with motivation too, so just try get into the mindset of “one hour of study is better than nothing“ - or if that’s too much, “30 minutes or 20 minutes..“ whatever suits you, really. And if you still end up getting 0 minutes of study, don’t blame yourself - just accept it and move on.
Plus, please remember that trials and HSC marks aren’t the end of it all. I’ve been trying to keep optimistic by reminding myself that universities are practically begging for students at the moment due to the lack of international students, so your chances of getting into uni are significantly higher. Even if you don’t get in, there’s so many alternative pathways through college for example where you can transfer directly into your 2nd year of uni, so I wouldn’t stress too much. Under these circumstances, it basically just is what it is. All of us are in the same situation right now, and it‘s tough, but we will get through this eventually

 

[Etho_x]

I can relate. A couple weeks into the lockdown I quit school. Mainly due to personal reasons though I was bored, unproductive, tired, and mentally drained. However, I have had these feelings many times throughout Year 11 and my time in Year 12, and there have been things I have done which have helped me along the way to push forward.

Firstly I think it is important that you try to open up to more people and express your story or how you are feeling - this helps people in a similar case to relate to you and to offer their advice, as well as allowing others in a better mindset to consider how they could help you. BOS is a lovely HSC-based forum and many people I am sure would love to assist you with any of your concerns. I am assuming that since this is your first post, you are new so welcome! This is a great platform to be on and a lot of people here are really nice and helpful.

Secondly, I believe that part of lack of motivation for school stems from a underlying issue, and I feel as if most of the time it might be due to the workload and how it might seem increasingly overwhelming. I fully understand if that is the case for you, however don't hesitate to correct me if I am wrong. If the workload is the problem, try and break up your work as much as possible in little chunks. I used a Microsoft tool in Year 12 to help keep me up to date - Microsoft To-do. It's a free download and undeniably one of the best planners I have used, which is cross platform on PC/phone/tablet. Through this, you may be able to break up your work so that tasks don't become a mountain but rather something digestible. If this doesn't work, try and come up with another way in which you can make work easier for yourself. Give a reason for yourself to complete work - can you give yourself an incentive?

If it is with the lockdown itself, there are plenty of ways to keep healthy and happy during these times which unfortunately our mainstream media such as the news barely acknowledges. Staying hydrated and getting out in the sun more is a good start so you are less tired and more happy (adrenaline) respectively. If you are in need of help, people on Bored of Studies are here. If you need the helpline, reach out to them although I could imagine their wait times peaking right now.

Otherwise, this is just some brief advice that I can provide. I'm happy you reached out to this forum though : ) you've come to the right place!

 

[Life'sHard]

Take a day to do absolutely nothing after school. No gaming, no movies/animes. Nothing. Go for a walk, a run just to clear your mind. I too was in this situation when they announced my trials were cancelled. I wasted away the week. I decided to restart exercising and with that came a moment of clarity and reason to continue studying. Hopefully, you'll find your reason to continue studying and striving for the best.

 

[jazz519]

Having slumps in studying is relatively normal for most people, but you need to have some strategies to keep working even when you don't feel like it to make sure you still keep progressing and improving. This is just the sad reality, when even you don't feel the best you have to somehow find a way to get the work done. It looks like you are stuck in a certain type of thought process leading to lowered motivation and then feeling bad about it because you are not doing work, leading to not feeling motivated and then that continues in a cycle. You need to find a way to try break out of that, which is not something that will happen straight away but by doing things in steps you can fix this. I've written some things below that might help and others have also given good suggestions.

Writing goals down daily for what work you want to accomplish is a good way to go about it. This instead of thinking about the long term picture of what the HSC is for, helps to break the process down into smaller steps that are easier to accomplish. It sort of becomes like a checklist that can help you to work at a decent pace and shows some accountability of what you are doing that day. But make sure it is realistic though as in something like do 20 marks of this subject, 20 marks of this subject for papers etc.. You shouldn't write something down like do 5 papers in a day, after not studying for a long time as this is not realistic and will probably not be something you will end up following.

Also, if studying inside with your parents and siblings making noise is a problem or you don't enjoy being in the same place. Change your study location to reduce the distractions. There's nice weather outside, go study at the park and take your exam papers or studying materials there with you.

If you have some friends doing similar subjects, set up a zoom, skype or whatever you use and study with them. You can do things like going through exam papers together (not as in doing the questions together but you both open up a paper and work through it at the same time). This makes the studying process a little less boring and you can use your friends to motivate you.

Most importantly of all, you shouldn't keep all these thoughts in your head to yourself. That can cause more stress and negative feelings. Talk about what's going on to someone you trust like a parent or friend and they might be able to offer some advice to you and provide some motivation. It might seem like a hard thing to do because you feel embarrassed but your family and friends first and foremost care about your health over a mark. This will also help in reducing some of the lockdown struggles in terms of feeling alone. If it's more serious then there's nothing wrong in going to a psychologist or school councilor, it's not just for people on the extremes of mental health but also if you just need someone to talk to and get some guidance from.

 

[Katsumi]

I am 7 years post HSC now and my little brother is sitting his exams this year. I think i can provide the benefit of hindsight without being too far detached from your situation.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You have the right ideas and your words carry maturity. I would focus on balancing out my mental health right now through doing the things that you realised you haven't been doing (eating, sleeping, showering) and reaching out to my support network to have some verbal conversations.

Try entertaining the concept that the indirect consequences of seemingly unrelated actions could be what is causing you to behave in a way that is contrary to your goals and best interests. It has worked for me when progressing through adulthood and I only realised how important it was by being mentored by people more old and successful than myself.

 

[CM_Tutor]

@anon777: Firstly, please don't be sorry for reaching out and asking for advice.

Secondly, what you are describing doesn't sound to me like a lack of motivation, nor laziness, nor procrastination, nor weakness.

What it sounds like to me is depression, which is a serious medical condition. I don't mean depression in the sense of someone who feels down or sad for a time, but as in a crushing, all-encompassing, relentless burden that makes even mundane activities nearly impossible. Showering. Eating. Even getting up. None of these are activities that are challenging for a healthy person, but for a person suffering a major depressive episode, they become daunting.

People suffering major depression regularly experience "pseudo-insight", which involves seeing themselves through the distorting lens of the condition but not seeing the distortion. Look at how you speak of yourself

"I feel so useless and so tired ... it's my laziness, I just need to get over myself and do the work but I just keep on procrastinating ... I'm weak and I know that this is all my own making, I don't want to make excuses for my lazy behaviour but also I. just. cant. ... What is wrong with me? I know that I'm weak, I know that this whole message is sad ... Why am I so stupid man, so irresponsible that I can't just suck it up and get work done."
​

Berating yourself like this goes with depression, but it is also harmful to your mood, your sense of self-worth, your self-esteem, and undermines whatever you remain capable of coping with. This is not a criticism, it's just pointing out that self-care and self-acceptance are significant challenges for you. It is not easy to be kind to yourself when part of your mind is screaming that you are worthless, but it is a skill worth developing. Blaming yourself also interferes with getting help, and it certainly sounds like you need help, because the things you are saying of yourself aren't fair to you. I bet you wouldn't agree if a marathon runner with two broken legs in plaster was criticising himself or herself for not being able to set a personal best time by running on their hands... well, that's roughly what you are doing to yourself.

Another common symptom of depression is anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure from previously-enjoyed activities. Does even your favourite food taste bland / flavourless? Does interacting with friends feel empty? Do you get little or no enjoyment from hobbies? I'm guessing (and I may be wrong) that some of this resonates with you.

Then, there's lying to try to meet others expectations rather than being honest and seeking help. There's the belief that others won't care about your problems (you possibly feel unworthy of being cared about) and that no one could understand anyway - both common feelings in depression.

I may be totally wrong, but my advice is to talk to someone... someone you trust who will listen - a friend, a parent, a doctor - and tell them how you feel and ask if you need help. Congratulations for reaching out here, that's a great first step, and it's time for the next one, to seek someone you know to comment on how you are from their perspective. Reaching out shows that you are doubting some of the pseudo-insight fed self-condemnation, and that's a positive sign.

Handling depression is not easy, and it takes a great deal of courage, bravery, and strength - which is also what you are demonstrating in reaching out. I am confident that you don't feel words like strength, courage, or bravery apply to you, yet you have exposed your feelings and risked harsh public comments from a desire to feel better. That is courageous and brave. That took strength. There is no quick fix for depression and your path is not going to be easy, but you have started to recognise where you are and to seek a way forward. I wish you well.

 

[stressedessert04]

Hey, I get it too, and im barely skimming by. Here's some stuff ive been trying to do.

1. Take regular breaks. Important! Don't let yourself feel guilty for it, just take it. Sometimes if you're in a slump, its okay to take a day or two off, just sleep early and sleep well.

2. Take little steps to start getting some of your school shit together. Sit down, take out a diary or sheet, and just write down EVERYTHING. Everything that needs to be done eventually, and break it down to each subject. Write all the tutoring homework that needs to be done, all the each chapter that needs notes to be made. Just do it. And I know its going to feel so overwhelming to stare down at this sheet, but it'll be worth it, trust me. Now break everything into a list of priority. What needs to be done first? What trials exams are upcoming first? Which will take more time? Which will be easy to finish? Now organise and allocate time slots to your google calendar or planner and give yourself time flexibility - its okay if you dont get some tasks done. Commit. Give yourself breaks when you need them, ask friends for notes if you need to catch up. And there will be that constant feeling of being overwhelmed and to lie on your bed and give up, but you just remmeber, getting even ONE task done is better than getting NO tasks done. Trust me, im speaking from experience, im in acclerated maths and my trials r coming up. There was so much homework I had to catch up on because I was so behind on top of juggling other school work and subjects + tutoring homework. I did exactly what my advice disclosed ^ and wrote out everything. Each day I would attempt to do at least 1 exercise of homework for maths - one step closer to finishing and better than nothing right? It works. trust me.


Good luck and all the best. Remember if you definitely dont have the energy to start, give yourself two reset or prep days. stay healthy and stay well. and ofc, my advice may not work for everything and is merely based on personal experience, what works for me may not for you but I hope it helps. genuinely. because I understand how you feel

 

[nourished.]

Sorry, I have no one to tell and I just want advice idk.

Hey, let's start with taking care of yourself first.

The baseline is just showing up to our classes. Don't worry about the extra studying afterwards. We'll work on that later.

1. Go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday. The funny thing about humans is that we actually like routine. And we feel a lot better with it. Unfortunately, sleep habits that are all over the place screw with the anxiety systems in our brain that deal with our negative emotions.

2. Eat breakfast everyday, preferably good proteins and fats. TLDR our body goes into panic mode when we start doing stuff that is complex or stress-inducing if we haven't eaten.

3. Take a shower everyday. We like things that we take good care of, subconsciously or consciously. And, it's a weird spiral - if you don't take care of yourself, you won't like yourself, which then leads to you not taking care of yourself, and then so on. So, take the shower. Even if you just step in and out. On this note, remember to brush your teeth twice a day as well.

4. Go out for a walk. I don't care if it's literally one step out the front door. If the blessing rays of direct sunlight even just touches your skin, I'm happy with that.

These are your first 4 steps. Try it for a week or two. We'll add on to these once they become habitual, as they already had been before.