Joke time!!!! (1 Viewer)

Teclis

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I heard this one the other day, it was pretty classic, and actually pretty funny.


A man who has saved up quite a bit of long service leave goes on a holiday, and gets a friend to housesit for him. After about a week he calls the friend housesitting for him to ask him how things are going. His friend says "Yea mate, things are good, I've been watering the plants, I actually fixed your broken aerial, Oh and your cat is dead."
The guy is like "... dude, could you have been any LESS sensitive? I mean, now my entire holiday is ruined!"
The housesitting friend replies "Whaddya mean ruined, you're still going to stay aren't you?"
"Well yea, but now I'm going to be thinking about it. You could've eased me into it. Told me that the cat was stuck on the roof and you were trying to get it down, then the next day called me to tell me that the cat was still on the roof. Then the next day tell me the cat had fallen off the roof and you'd taken it to the Vet.
Then the next day tell me that the cat was critical and that she was going into surgery. Then finally you could've told me how bad she was and then told me she had passed away. THEN I would've been prepared for it, you know... and I could've gone on with my holiday!".
The friend replies "Ah, so sorry man, you're right." And they ended the call.

Anyways, the following week he calls to check up on the condition of the house again.
"Yea mate it's all good, garden is fine, not much mail. The phone company called and I payed your bill for you, but you owe me for that. Oh and one more thing, your mum is stuck on the roof..."
 

Fish Tank

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I emailed ten puns to my friends, hoping at least one of them would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in-ten-did!

:rofl:
 

luv2luvurmama

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COME ON!!! GIVE Me a Green tasty positive rep!! ive got -29 points:(, havent had tve rep since like.. a year when i baagged out BigboyJames!! COMEON!!.. I got banned for 2 months though:(
 

Fish Tank

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For all those chemists out there...

Q. What do you call a ring of iron atoms?
A. A ferrous wheel :rofl:
 

raniaaa

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For all those chemists out there...

Q. What do you call a ring of iron atoms?
A. A ferrous wheel :rofl:

LOLLL i like you you're funny :haha:

two molecules bumped into each other on the street. the first molecule says "hey how are ya" and the second said "not too good, i see to have lost an electron". the first one says "what are you sure?!" and the second says "yeah i'm positive!!"

LOLL :p
 

Fish Tank

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LOLLL i like you you're funny :haha:

two molecules bumped into each other on the street. the first molecule says "hey how are ya" and the second said "not too good, i see to have lost an electron". the first one says "what are you sure?!" and the second says "yeah i'm positive!!"

LOLL :p
ROFL the feeling is mutual xD

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. It asks "how much?", bartender replies "for you, NO CHARGE!" :rofl:
 

Captain A

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For all those chemists out there...

Q. What do you call a ring of iron atoms?
A. A ferrous wheel :rofl:
LOLLL i like you you're funny :haha:

two molecules bumped into each other on the street. the first molecule says "hey how are ya" and the second said "not too good, i see to have lost an electron". the first one says "what are you sure?!" and the second says "yeah i'm positive!!"

LOLL :p
ROFL the feeling is mutual xD

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. It asks "how much?", bartender replies "for you, NO CHARGE!" :rofl:
Omg! Nerd alert!

haha nah i found them quite funny lol
 

q3thefish

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yo so poor when i saw u kickin a can across the street and i asked "what choo doin?" u replied "i'm movin"

yo so poor when i walked into a room and stepped on a cigarette u screamed "WHO TURNED OFF THE HEAT?"

lulz.
 

Omie Jay

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Omg! Nerd alert!

haha nah i found them quite funny lol
How much does the security guard get paid during night shifts?
Nitrate.

What are parrots made of?
Polyatomic molecules. (geddit, poly wanna cracker, etc)

Two bears are submerged in water and an electric current passes through it. Which ones gets electrocuted first?
The polar bear.

kinda lame, but on the topic of chem-jokes.
 

raniaaa

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How much does the security guard get paid during night shifts?
Nitrate.

What are parrots made of?
Polyatomic molecules. (geddit, poly wanna cracker, etc)

Two bears are submerged in water and an electric current passes through it. Which ones gets electrocuted first?
The polar bear.

kinda lame, but on the topic of chem-jokes.
LOL! :haha:




scientists do it on the table, periodically ;)
 

Captain A

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How much does the security guard get paid during night shifts?
Nitrate.

What are parrots made of?
Polyatomic molecules. (geddit, poly wanna cracker, etc)

Two bears are submerged in water and an electric current passes through it. Which ones gets electrocuted first?
The polar bear.

kinda lame, but on the topic of chem-jokes.
LOL! :haha:
scientists do it on the table, periodically ;)
lolololol :D
 

luv2luvurmama

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What did the constapated mathematician do?
- He got a pencil and worked it out!!

Why did the mathematical tree fall over? Because it had no real roots

What does the zero say to the eight?
- Nice belt!

What is the longest table in a maths classroom?
- The times table





LOL
 

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