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can you take a read? It'll be more helpful if it is specific to my work. :)

I tried. It failed D: 'The following message to <z3333219@unsw.edu.au> was undeliverable. The reason for the problem: 5.1.0 - Unknown address error 553-'5.1.1 <z3333219@unsw.edu.au>... No such user z3333219@unsw.edu.au here'

LOL REALLY? I've asked a few people about my story and they've said that my use of language is pretty good. However, it's the overly dramatised plot and how "it has no logic" (quote the teacher) that suffers. :( But if you got what you got by using plentiful language techniques, then that's...

Hey guys, I've written a short story for belonging but I got a pretty dismal mark for it. Teacher didn't really tell me how to improve it so I was wondering if anyone wants to read and share opinions. It would be especially helpful if you've already done the hsc. Thanks!