a little help on a structure essay for ancient history? (1 Viewer)

[bitchgirl]

i have a ancient history assessment to do and i want some help to structure my essay.
im studyin' ancient rome and here's the question


area assessed: historial period and caesar
outcome being assessed: HI. I, H2.I, H3.I, H4.2, H6.I

"account for the formation and breakdown of the first triumvirate"

and i know what information i should add...
*crassus-tax rebates
*caesar-consulship
*death of crassus etc

thanks for the help

 

[xeuyrawp]

Without having done this unit, I'll help as much as I can.

It's important to have a logical structure. Do a flow diagram in the simplest form.

Try to avoid, however, "telling a story", a big trap in history; try to hit it concept by concept, rather event by event.

 

[bitchgirl]

Without having done this unit, I'll help as much as I can.

It's important to have a logical structure. Do a flow diagram in the simplest form.

Try to avoid, however, "telling a story", a big trap in history; try to hit it concept by concept, rather event by event.

ok real thanks for the help
btw how should i construct the essay with the
introduction?
like what should i say for the intoduction?

 

[xeuyrawp]

ok real thanks for the help
btw how should i construct the essay with the
introduction?
like what should i say for the intoduction?

I wouldn't spend more than 2 sentences on introducing the actual topic. Say if we were talking about social and political results of The Cold War.

"A Cold War is a state of aggression between nations where no overt military campaigns, rather covert operations and sabotage is undertaken. Such a state existed between the superpowers of the USA and the Soviet union following the end of World War Two. Such a state of tension has many socio-political results. Firstly, the continuing animosity between post-Soviet Russia. This means that trade, etc, etc, etc were effected"

You would then talk in the body about 1. Continuing animosity, 2. Trade, 3. Etc, 4. Etc. Talk about them in the body in the EXACT order you mention in the intro. Don't be creative at all. Plan your essay and then make sure you focus on the question.

- Akhenaten's reign has been dubbed a weak and unsucessful time. Discuss.

"The reign of Akhenaten was a unique and turbulant time for Egypt. Following his shift of the Egyptian religion to that of the monotheistic "Atenism", the entire state bureaucracy was changed, and many historians argue these changes brought about a negative turn for the Egyptian nation. The first criticism is Akhenaten's lack of foreign policy, which ultimately crippled Egypt. Infastructure of the government also was weakened, say critics, which resulted in a lessening of the building quality. Furthermore, etc, etc.

1.Foriegn policy, 2. Infastructure --> Bulding etc etc.

It depends for each question. You could tackle the Akhenaten question like "1. This was wrong/right 2. This was wrong/right, etc etc," but I think it's better to say "1. This was the main concern, 2. This was the secondary concern which lead to etc etc. Just depends per question, but try to stay on the simple side and have clear divisions both in your intro and body.

 

[bitchgirl]

i've done my intro.... is this too much or should i cut it short?



The First Triumvirate was formed in 60 BC by Pompey, Caesar and Crassus. It was a political coalition but a secret arrangement between three men who were never officially recognized as triumvirs. It was cemented by political marriages (Pompey married Caesar’s daughter Julia). It was to operate for five years and all three participants would gain from the coalition. The First Triumvirate was opposed by the Senate under the leadership of cato.it was not an easy coalition but rather, one which suffered many hiccups resulting in a renewal of the agreement at Luca in 56 BC. However, with the death of Julia in 54 BC and Crassus in 53 BC, the agreement began to falter. The First Triumvirate ended in 53 BC, resulting in civil war between Pompey and Caesar.

 

[xeuyrawp]

i've done my intro.... is this too much or should i cut it short?



The First Triumvirate was formed in 60 BC by Pompey, Caesar and Crassus. It was a political coalition but a secret arrangement between three men who were never officially recognized as triumvirs. It was cemented by political marriages (Pompey married Caesar’s daughter Julia). It was to operate for five years and all three participants would gain from the coalition. The First Triumvirate was opposed by the Senate under the leadership of cato.it was not an easy coalition but rather, one which suffered many hiccups resulting in a renewal of the agreement at Luca in 56 BC. However, with the death of Julia in 54 BC and Crassus in 53 BC, the agreement began to falter. The First Triumvirate ended in 53 BC, resulting in civil war between Pompey and Caesar.

Good Points
*Your writing is clear and to the point,
*You only address one issue per sentence,
*Good general introduction

Things that could be improved
*you seem to be "telling a story"- generally Ancient History qs are "asses" "analyse" etc. Unless the question is "account for the First triumvirate", you're painting a picture of the events rather than assesing and analysing. I know it's difficult, but you should show how smart you are by showing that you can ASSESS (eg=) the reasons for the Triumvirate, and ANALYSE (eg=) why it happened, not tell the marker what happened.
*Don't ever use parantheses in an essay:

Try: "It was cemented by political marriages of Pompey to Caesar’s daughter, Julia".


Make sense? If your question was something like "recount the formation of the 1st triumvirate", ignore what I said, but HSC questions tend to be harder than simply retelling the story.