Thatstudentm9
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- Mar 4, 2017
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- HSC
- 2018
essay question: 'Explain Why buudhism would be the preferred religious choice for many people in the 21st century'
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can someone mark my buddhism essay and give me feedback( TEACHERS NEEDED) (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Thatstudentm9
- Start date
pikachu975
Premium Member
I didn't do Buddhism but I did Christianity and Judaism so I'll give really quick feedback from skimming over it:
- Thesis should include that the religion is preferred in the 21st century explicitly; using words of the question is essential or else the marker will think you memorised the essay.
- The thesis is too long. You can break it up into 2 sentences but I think it's better to just say why it's preferred "Provides personal fulfilment bla bla which insinuates its timelessness throughout time" etc and then the next sentence introduce your topics/teachings.
- I'm not sure if there are any sacred texts in SOR Buddhism but in the 2 I studied quotes are very essential because you can embed them into your sentence and it provides support as well as showing the religion's relevance in the 21st century. Again, not sure if Buddhism SOR uses quotes.
- Usually when answering a question it's good to embed the words of the question in your answer, e.g. Buddhism's teaching of ......., which causes it to resonate throughout time and is "the preferred religious tradition of the 21st century". I think this shows you understanding the question and not memorising an essay.
- I quickly read the first paragraph and I think it doesn't flow/isn't sophisticated because it's just saying: "The first precept... The second precept". Add some linking words or make it flow better so it doesn't look like content dump.
- Thesis should include that the religion is preferred in the 21st century explicitly; using words of the question is essential or else the marker will think you memorised the essay.
- The thesis is too long. You can break it up into 2 sentences but I think it's better to just say why it's preferred "Provides personal fulfilment bla bla which insinuates its timelessness throughout time" etc and then the next sentence introduce your topics/teachings.
- I'm not sure if there are any sacred texts in SOR Buddhism but in the 2 I studied quotes are very essential because you can embed them into your sentence and it provides support as well as showing the religion's relevance in the 21st century. Again, not sure if Buddhism SOR uses quotes.
- Usually when answering a question it's good to embed the words of the question in your answer, e.g. Buddhism's teaching of ......., which causes it to resonate throughout time and is "the preferred religious tradition of the 21st century". I think this shows you understanding the question and not memorising an essay.
- I quickly read the first paragraph and I think it doesn't flow/isn't sophisticated because it's just saying: "The first precept... The second precept". Add some linking words or make it flow better so it doesn't look like content dump.