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Chew me:)

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Assess the basis fo Hatshepsut's power and influence.

Ancient Egypt was considered a man’s world, and never did it occur that a woman took the Title of King, that is, until the time of Hatshepsut.

Through various political and systematic methods, Hatshepsut gradually rose to power, remaining a powerful ruler for 22 years until her death. Opposition to Hatshepsut’s rule was virtually non existent showing the support of the ancient Egyptians. The use of propaganda, including Hatshepsut’s stories of Divine Birth and the Coronation Inscription proved to serve as an advantage, as did the foreign policies which were implemented following the declaration of Hatshepsut as King of Egypt. Accordingly Hatshepsut rose to power, and her role changed from a Co-Regent, to that of a Pharaoh, making it the first time in Egyptian history that a woman completely owned the throne.

As a female Pharaoh, it was vitally important that Hatshepsut gained the support of the Egyptian people, which was wisely and 'insidiously' (1-Tyldesley) achieved through the use of propaganda. The effective forms of propaganda Hatshepsut initially implemented were The Divine Birth Story, like other Pharaohs had done, and the Coronation Inscription, created in order to legitimize Hatshepsut’s co-regent rule. Both the Divine Birth story and the Coronation Inscription, found on the north wall of the middle colonnade of her Deir Er Bahari mortuary temple, proved to be necessary as there was a clear discontinuity of male rulers.
The Divine Birth Story established Hatshesput as the daughter and heir of both Amun and Thutmose I, which is evident through the Inscription; "...After this, the majesty of the god did all that he desired with her.", where Amun assumed the form of Thutmose I in order to create Hatshepsut with the Great Wife, Ahmose. The story Hatshepsut created about her divinity proved to be necessary as it justified her claim to the throne. In order to support the role of Pharaoh, Hatshepsut was at times, shown in masculine clothing due to the lack of words for ‘feminine’ that meant Pharaoh. This is portrayed in the Colossal striding statue of Hatshepsut carved using red granite from her mortuary temple. The Divine Birth story influenced the people of Egypt as it legitimized the Pharaohs Throne, thus allowing Egyptian Society of the New Kingdom to support the Ruler.

The Coronation Inscription, on the other hand, gave details of Hatshepsut's status, which was conclusively her coronation. The inscription consisted of political statements portraying Hatshepsut's right to the throne, as her father chose her as heir. This is shown through Thutmose’s apparent statement "I have appointed [her]--;she is my successor...you will be united under her command." in the Inscription. The use of romanticised language, such as "you will be united under her command", "she will sit upon my wonderful seat", was deliberately used, portraying anticipation of an authoritative, dominant ruling by a female King.
The Coronation Inscription gave the Egyptian people reassurance of Hatshepsut's uncustomary acquisition of the Throne subsequently causing them to support her and her rule. This act showed Hatshepsut’s divinity and maintained the support of the Amun Priesthood. The significance of this lies in the emphasis of religion which was the fundamental basis of Egyptian life. Tyldesley states that "Hatshepsut's relationship with Amun was always extremely important to her... By promoting the cult of Amun, she was effectively reinforcing her own position and promoting herself". Thus, Hatshepsuts power was intially based on her use of propaganda at the Mortuary Temple through the implementation of the Divine Birth story and the Coronation Inscription.

One of Hathsepsut's greatest achievements was her expedition to Punt in Year Eight of her regency. The expedition to Punt was part of her foreign policy, which included both military campaigns, and trading expeditions. Hatshepsut had attempted to continue the traditional military policy of a 'warrior pharaoh' by conducting campaigns in Nubia and Syria-Palestine. Albeit, some of these campaigns were under the ruling of Thutmose III. Hatshepsut portrayed herelf in complete 'warrior pharaoh' regalia through statues and her Coronation Scene, where she is depicted wearing the blue war crown, Khepresh, on the Karnak Obelisks. However, today many historians, such as Wilson, believe 'her pride was in the internal development of Egypt and in commercial enterprise...' as opposed to 'the external expansion of Egypt and in military enterprise', which was Thutmose III's main interest, thus implying Hatshepsut's military activity to be limited. However, when describing her military achievements, Hatshepsut was fulfilling the traditional religious requirements of Kingship as the mlitary activities were linked to Amun in a number of ways. The king tradtionally gave Amun credit for victories, and claimed that Amun inspired mlitary campaigns. The use of Hatshepsut's conventional warrior King Images, language and inscriptions, re inforced the idea that she was a traditional and extremely successful King.
However, what is said to be one of her greatest achievements by many, is Hathsepsuts expedition to Punt, located in the Red-Sea, possibly near present-day Somalia. Pictures of ships, the village of which the people in Punt lived, Egypian Soldiers shown carrying incence trees back, as well as inscriptions to go along with these pictures, such as "Arriving at the goodly way into God's Land, journeying in peace to the land of Punt" are depicted on the North Wall of Hathsepsut's mortuary Temple at Deir El-Bahri. The main reason for the expedition was to trade with Punt for the exotic goods, particularly the Myrrh tree which was used as an incence in the temple, which Egypt did not have.
The Punt Expedition is seen to be of great importance because it provided economic, political and Religious benefits for Hatshepsut and the Priesthood of Amun. After the expedition to Punt, Hatshepsut was seen as a traditional Pharaoh, and a further successful Queen as her position was promoted, who provided for her people. The expedition to Punt also maintained the support of the Amun priesthood, which meant continued support by chief nobles and officials for the King.
The expedition to Punt is said to have taken place as a result of an oracle of Amun, as Brested states "the queen is the author of the expedition, which she undertakes in accordance with an oracle of Amon" (2---bookmarks). The Myrrh trees brought were planted in the garden at the Deir El-Bahri Temple, dedicated to Amun, as well as the exotic good, which were used for various religious pruposes, such as panther skins for proestly robes. These acts further promoted Hatshepsuts position as pahraoh as a further successful Queen, thus increasing the support gaine by the Egyptian Society.

Conclusively, the basis of Hatshepsut's success was evidently due to her initial forms of propaganda, including the divine birth story as well as the coronation inscription deliberately placed in th Deir El-Bahri Temple. As well as her forms of propaganda, Hatshepsut's foreign policy, where the Punt Exedition made a significance impact, as it not only sustained the power of the King, rather promoted her success, made a considerable contribution to Hatshepsut's success as the first female Pharaoh who completely owned the Throne.

 
X

xeuyrawp

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Well since you're being so sarcastic, I won't give you the old complement sandwich. Red is your own essay with something that needs to be looked at, blue is my own words. I usually go mistake by mistake, but since you have no manners and because there were so many mistakes, I went paragraph by paragraph.



Assess the basis fo Hatshepsut's power and influence.

Ancient Egypt was considered a man’s world, and never did it occur that a woman took the Title of King, that is, until the time of Hatshepsut.

Firstly, there was no Title of King. There were many titles, and many women did hold many of them before Hatshepsut. Several queens during the Middle Kingdom held the more important titles. From memory, two of the Mentuhoteps - I think 2 and 3 - as well as Senweseret 2 had wives who held the most important titles. What you mean to say is that Hatshepsut is probably the first female ruling Pharaoh. Don't try to make your language complex.

Anyway, what's your point? How does this link to the question? Your first few lines should be something like ‘As a female Pharaoh, Hatshepsut had to have an extensive basis of power an influence’. That is a good introduction: It does not conclude, but gives general direction to the essay.

Through various political and systematic methods, Hatshepsut gradually rose to power, remaining a powerful ruler for 22 years until her death. Opposition to Hatshepsut’s rule was virtually non existent showing the support of the ancient Egyptians. The use of propaganda, including Hatshepsut’s stories of Divine Birth and the Coronation Inscription proved to serve as an advantage, as did the foreign policies which were implemented following the declaration of Hatshepsut as King of Egypt. Accordingly Hatshepsut rose to power, and her role changed from a Co-Regent, to that of a Pharaoh, making it the first time in Egyptian history that a woman completely owned the throne.


That is a good introduction. I'm very happy that you list the ideas in the same order which you discuss them - keep that up. For this question, I would have only one paragraph for the introduction, so get rid of the first one.

I would say ‘The story of Divine Birth and Coronation proved to serve…’ The story of the birth and coronation is the same thing: Amun impregnates Ahmose and then crowns Hatshepsut.


As a female Pharaoh, it was vitally important that Hatshepsut gained the support of the Egyptian people, which was wisely and 'insidiously' (1-Tyldesley) achieved through the use of propaganda. The effective forms of propaganda Hatshepsut initially implemented were The Divine Birth Story, like other Pharaohs had done, and the Coronation Inscription, created in order to legitimize Hatshepsut’s co-regent rule. Both the Divine Birth story and the Coronation Inscription, found on the north wall of the middle colonnade of her Deir Er Bahari mortuary temple, proved to be necessary as there was a clear discontinuity of male rulers.

I really hate Tyldesley, but that’s neither here nor there. Personally, I would point out that there is nothing ‘insidious’ about propaganda.
Again, you’re making the divine birth and the coronation two stories – they’re literally on the same wall at Deir el-Bahri.

It’s not ‘Deir Er Bahari’, it’s ‘Deir el-Bahri’, or ‘ Deir el Bahari’.


The Divine Birth Story established Hatshesput as the daughter and heir of both Amun and Thutmose I, which is evident through the Inscription; "...After this, the majesty of the god did all that he desired with her.", where Amun assumed the form of Thutmose I in order to create Hatshepsut with the Great Wife, Ahmose. The story Hatshepsut created about her divinity proved to be necessary as it justified her claim to the throne. In order to support the role of Pharaoh, Hatshepsut was at times, shown in masculine clothing due to the lack of words for ‘feminine’ that meant Pharaoh. This is portrayed in the Colossal striding statue of Hatshepsut carved using red granite from her mortuary temple. The Divine Birth story influenced the people of Egypt as it legitimized the Pharaohs Throne, thus allowing Egyptian Society of the New Kingdom to support the Ruler.

Good use of evidence. I haven’t seen her colossal statue, though...


You don’t need ellipses (…) at the beginning of a quotation.

‘Lack of words for ‘feminine’ that meant Pharaoh’??? Do you mean ‘lack of feminine words that meant ‘Pharaoh’’? If so, that’s very correct. In fact, you should make a point that the Pharaonic office was masculine, hence H’s portrayal as a man.


What’s with all the capital letters in the last sentence? Also be careful with spelling – ‘Pharaoh’s throne’, ‘legitimised’, etc.

The Coronation Inscription, on the other hand, gave details of Hatshepsut's status, which was conclusively her coronation. The inscription consisted of political statements portraying Hatshepsut's right to the throne, as her father chose her as heir. This is shown through Thutmose’s apparent statement "I have appointed [her]--;she is my successor...you will be united under her command." in the Inscription. The use of romanticised language, such as "you will be united under her command", "she will sit upon my wonderful seat", was deliberately used, portraying anticipation of an authoritative, dominant ruling by a female King.

Since you treated the ‘coronation inscription’ and the ‘divine birth story’ in so many paragraphs, maybe just make them two separate parts of the same myth (which they are)?

I love the quotations! But what’s happening with the ‘[her] – she’ bit?

The Coronation Inscription gave the Egyptian people reassurance of Hatshepsut's uncustomary acquisition of the Throne subsequently causing them to support her and her rule. This act showed Hatshepsut’s divinity and maintained the support of the Amun Priesthood. The significance of this lies in the emphasis of religion which was the fundamental basis of Egyptian life. Tyldesley states that "Hatshepsut's relationship with Amun was always extremely important to her... By promoting the cult of Amun, she was effectively reinforcing her own position and promoting herself". Thus, Hatshepsuts power was intially based on her use of propaganda at the Mortuary Temple through the implementation of the Divine Birth story and the Coronation Inscription.


Good summary.

One of Hathsepsut's greatest achievements was her expedition to Punt in Year Eight of her regency. The expedition to Punt was part of her foreign policy, which included both military campaigns, and trading expeditions. Hatshepsut had attempted to continue the traditional military policy of a 'warrior pharaoh' by conducting campaigns in Nubia and Syria-Palestine. Albeit, some of these campaigns were under the ruling of Thutmose III. Hatshepsut portrayed herelf in complete 'warrior pharaoh' regalia through statues and her Coronation Scene, where she is depicted wearing the blue war crown, Khepresh, on the Karnak Obelisks. However, today many historians, such as Wilson, believe 'her pride was in the internal development of Egypt and in commercial enterprise...' as opposed to 'the external expansion of Egypt and in military enterprise', which was Thutmose III's main interest, thus implying Hatshepsut's military activity to be limited. However, when describing her military achievements, Hatshepsut was fulfilling the traditional religious requirements of Kingship as the mlitary activities were linked to Amun in a number of ways. The king tradtionally gave Amun credit for victories, and claimed that Amun inspired mlitary campaigns. The use of Hatshepsut's conventional warrior King Images, language and inscriptions, re inforced the idea that she was a traditional and extremely successful King.

You need to link to the question earlier in the paragraph. Check your spelling.

You also swap between double (“hello”) and single (‘hello’) quotation marks. Double quotation marks are for American English, and single quotation marks are for Commonwealth English. Thus it is proper to use single marks, despite double marks being more popular in Australia. In any case, keep it consistent.

However, what is said to be one of her greatest achievements by many, is Hathsepsuts expedition to Punt, located in the Red-Sea, possibly near present-day Somalia. Pictures of ships, the village of which the people in Punt lived, Egypian Soldiers shown carrying incence trees back, as well as inscriptions to go along with these pictures, such as "Arriving at the goodly way into God's Land, journeying in peace to the land of Punt" are depicted on the North Wall of Hathsepsut's mortuary Temple at Deir El-Bahri. The main reason for the expedition was to trade with Punt for the exotic goods, particularly the Myrrh tree which was used as an incence in the temple, which Egypt did not have.
The Punt Expedition is seen to be of great importance because it provided economic, political and Religious benefits for Hatshepsut and the Priesthood of Amun. After the expedition to Punt, Hatshepsut was seen as a traditional Pharaoh, and a further successful Queen as her position was promoted, who provided for her people. The expedition to Punt also maintained the support of the Amun priesthood, which meant continued support by chief nobles and officials for the King.

There is really no excuse for your frequent spelling errors. Add ‘Hatshepsut’ to your computer’s spelling list, and run a spell check. By year 12, you should also be using an apostrophe correctly.

It’s ‘the
Red Sea’.

‘Egyptian soldiers’.

‘incense’, not ‘incence’

You don’t explain why there were religious benefits – do you mean the booty which was brought back?


The expedition to Punt is said to have taken place as a result of an oracle of Amun, as Brested states "the queen is the author of the expedition, which she undertakes in accordance with an oracle of Amon" (2---bookmarks). The Myrrh trees brought were planted in the garden at the Deir El-Bahri Temple, dedicated to Amun, as well as the exotic good, which were used for various religious pruposes, such as panther skins for proestly robes. These acts further promoted Hatshepsuts position as pahraoh as a further successful Queen, thus increasing the support gaine by the Egyptian Society.


Breasted

Really, 7 spelling errors in one paragraph is terrible.

Conclusively, the basis of Hatshepsut's success was evidently due to her initial forms of propaganda, including the divine birth story as well as the coronation inscription deliberately placed in th Deir El-Bahri Temple. As well as her forms of propaganda, Hatshepsut's foreign policy, where the Punt Exedition made a significance impact, as it not only sustained the power of the King, rather promoted her success, made a considerable contribution to Hatshepsut's success as the first female Pharaoh who completely owned the Throne.

Conclusively? If it’s the last paragraph, you don’t need to say ‘In conclusion’, or anything. Just conclude.

Deliberately??!

‘King, rather’ should be ‘King, but rather’

‘success, made’ should be ‘success, and made’

Your concluding sentence doesn’t have anything to do with the question. The question is not about success, but about power and influence. This sounds like you’ve copied your concluding paragraph from another essay.


Overall, a reasonable attempt. You really need to run even a spell check, learn how to spell ‘Hatshepsut’, and learn to use grammar properly. Try not to copy chunks out of other essays.
 
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Kegs

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Pay attention, you are in the presence of greatness. He knows what he is on about, I have read his essays. Good luck with it all.
 

Chew me:)

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heyy thanks heaps!!

and the reason i have so many spelling mistakes is because i did it in wordpad...
 

Chew me:)

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i got 11/15... i wanted 12.. but oh well... HSC AARRGGHHH
 

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