Does this metaphor make sense? How can I explain it better? (1 Viewer)

[MoonMonster196884]

The absence of light is a metaphor for the degradation of infrastructure in the south Chinese cities. From this, the more well-lit an apartment complex is, the more well developed the infrastructure. Once I impose a large-scale blackout on these apartment complexes, I confront the reality as to whether apartment complexes can sustain themselves given their share of resources. Light is thus a metaphorical illustration of the conditions necessary to fulfil the functioning of power banks in infrastructure.

 

[MoonMonster196884]

we are supposed to use light as a metaphor. advice appreciated in 12 hours, else i will flop

 

[MoeyNeeds90+]

The absence of light is a metaphor for the degradation of infrastructure in the south Chinese cities. From this, the more well-lit an apartment complex is, the more well-developed the infrastructure. Once I impose a large-scale blackout on these apartment complexes, I confront the reality as to whether apartment complexes can sustain themselves given their share of resources. Light is thus a metaphorical illustration of the conditions necessary to fulfill the functioning of power banks in infrastructure.

tbh it's not the BEST. the first bit is good, but the second relates too much to the idea of light in general with it "lighting up infrastructure and so on" . Imo the best metaphor is more complex and being a cousin of the simile should simultaneously create a vivid image. In this case, basically the metaphor needs to be more complex!

 

[MoonMonster196884]

tbh it's not the BEST. the first bit is good, but the second relates too much to the idea of light in general with it "lighting up infrastructure and so on" . Imo the best metaphor is more complex and being a cousin of the simile should simultaneously create a vivid image. In this case, basically the metaphor needs to be more complex!

so the 1st 2 sentences are fine?

 

[MoeyNeeds90+]

so the 1st 2 sentences are fine?

pretty much...The metaphor in general is just a little confusing although pretty good. I think because it defies this universal symbol of light as a metaphor for hope etc...I also think that markers really like when u change up to what is expected.

 

[MoonMonster196884]

pretty much...The metaphor in general is just a little confusing although pretty good. I think because it defies this universal symbol of light as a metaphor for hope etc...I also think that markers really like when u change up to what is expected.

how do i write a story around that metaphor. like what would be the structure

 

[MoeyNeeds90+]

The absence of light is a metaphor for the degradation of infrastructure in the south Chinese cities. From this, the more well-lit an apartment complex is, the more well developed the infrastructure. Once I impose a large-scale blackout on these apartment complexes, I confront the reality as to whether apartment complexes can sustain themselves given their share of resources. Light is thus a metaphorical illustration of the conditions necessary to fulfil the functioning of power banks in infrastructure.

Also just maker clearer what the metaphor substainsfor

how do i write a story around that metaphor. like what would be the structure

do you mean overall story structure?

 

[MoonMonster196884]

Also just maker clearer what the metaphor substainsfor

do you mean overall story structure?

like how would i make it an extended metaphor throughout the whole story

 

[MoeyNeeds90+]

how do i write a story around that metaphor. like what would be the structure

like how would i make it an extended metaphor throughout the whole story

it needs to stand in for a few things, this would chiefly make it something like a motif. If u want I posted an ext eng story with the motif of a rose in the notes sect, maybe check it out if u want; its a bit heavy tho cos the appropriation was equally weird I had to take ideas from