Red-Ink-Frenzy
New Member
You've done well in identifying + focusing on "some important youth issues" but you've neglected the other part of the question - "advise parents/caregivers on how they can best support their children".
You've said good things like "It is the responsibility of parents to remind their children that beauty is but skin-deep and should not be the ultimate measure of one's worth." and "Extreme pressure should not be placed upon children, especially when they are struggling." but you've neglected to elaborate on the actual advice.
To add some length to this article as well as fix this, try elucidating on these types of sentences. For example keep your "Extreme pressure should not be placed upon children, especially when they are struggling." but say how to alleviate or ease the pressures that children face. For example:
"Parents should avoid placing extreme pressure on children, especially when they are struggling, because this only serves to increase the stress the child feels and this can have dangerous repercussions - such as anxiety, restlessness, substance abuse (as a coping mechanism) and depression. Encourage your children to talk to you if there is something bothering them and if there is a problem, try and find the cause and possible solutions/ways of handling the problem. Also, suggest things like exercise, family excursions or taking up a hobby as ways to help your child cope with the pressures and stress that life can bring."
You should also try to expand on your paragraph about self-image - what is it exactly in the media that reinforces these stereotypes of beauty? What are some common role models that children base there image off? etc etc.
Your conclusion is pretty basic - "co-operate fruitfully" is such a broad term; expand/explain it: e.g. co-operate fruitfully through healthy communication etc etc
It's pretty good though I hope I've helped a little bit, but feature articles were always my weakest text type. Just insert some tips, tricks and advice in your article and fix up those little spelling mistakes!
You've said good things like "It is the responsibility of parents to remind their children that beauty is but skin-deep and should not be the ultimate measure of one's worth." and "Extreme pressure should not be placed upon children, especially when they are struggling." but you've neglected to elaborate on the actual advice.
To add some length to this article as well as fix this, try elucidating on these types of sentences. For example keep your "Extreme pressure should not be placed upon children, especially when they are struggling." but say how to alleviate or ease the pressures that children face. For example:
"Parents should avoid placing extreme pressure on children, especially when they are struggling, because this only serves to increase the stress the child feels and this can have dangerous repercussions - such as anxiety, restlessness, substance abuse (as a coping mechanism) and depression. Encourage your children to talk to you if there is something bothering them and if there is a problem, try and find the cause and possible solutions/ways of handling the problem. Also, suggest things like exercise, family excursions or taking up a hobby as ways to help your child cope with the pressures and stress that life can bring."
You should also try to expand on your paragraph about self-image - what is it exactly in the media that reinforces these stereotypes of beauty? What are some common role models that children base there image off? etc etc.
Your conclusion is pretty basic - "co-operate fruitfully" is such a broad term; expand/explain it: e.g. co-operate fruitfully through healthy communication etc etc
It's pretty good though I hope I've helped a little bit, but feature articles were always my weakest text type. Just insert some tips, tricks and advice in your article and fix up those little spelling mistakes!