surei'm so bajookie at creative writing... my piece is modernist inspired and i would rlly appreciate some feedback!!
reply if ur willing to read over it and i'll send it ur way
thank you!! heres the link. honestly im not happy with at all i feel like it's so... fake deep? like an attempt to be philosophical but instead its just cringe. i was inspired by 'no longer human', 'metamorphosis', and 'homunculus'.
Its not bad at all dw, im rked 1 in 4u and i've read the second last book too, so i can c where ur coming from. i dont think your writing is bad its intriguing but its not effective if your trying to 'mimic' in a way, modernism. Modernism needs to reflect a almost unravelling mind u need more subjectivity, interiority and rejection of the realism. avoid cliches too and try to mimic this through an almost quasi but not entirely full fledged structural fracturing since thats more post modern. explore the pysche of the persona undergoing the experince rather than delaying it to the end which ends up being short and thus cliche. Your technical aspect is good, eg use of susatined speech and such, but only use it to explore the dictomy that arises in the relationship. The sugreon guy thus needs to speech more clinically and scholastically, whilst the lay subject needs to have fragmented thought reflected in his speech, thus answering the modernist sense of interiority.thank you!! heres the link. honestly im not happy with at all i feel like it's so... fake deep? like an attempt to be philosophical but instead its just cringe. i was inspired by 'no longer human', 'metamorphosis', and 'homunculus'.
birdofhermes imaginative
“Your desire to remain what you are is what ultimately limits you” I lay on the cold metal table. Cubicle curtains enclose me. Ivanov holds the humming drill above me as he begins to slowly push it into my forehead. A slow, hammering pulse erupts from the incision point, like a nail to a plank. ...docs.google.com
thank you so much!! this was really helpful
where do u find the time to do something other than studying?
i've made a few changes, do you think it's improved or still generally the same?
they got lucky i normally dont
ill give it a check now
if you were to ask me give you a mark out of 20 technique/narrative wise i'd give you 18-19. If you were to ask me based on your infleunce of modernism i'd give you a 16. the reason is you not hitting the modernism on the head. the quote at the top is good and a intresting idea, but you could for example be more effective in connecting it thematically and then with reality. Literally put a quote from alice in wonderland since that challenges logic/identity and you can use footnotes if you want to add sophistication and say where you got it from. moving from that you need to insert literally modernistic techniques into every paragraph if not senetnce, rather than delaying the ruptures to the reality to the end where it ends up as cliche.