help..does this make sense? (1 Viewer)

[k150764]

My sentences don't make sense (usually) so can anyone tell me if it doesn't make sense

The Movie “Edward Scissor Hands” (1990 Directed by Tim Burton) provides insight into the concept of belonging by a lady called Peg when she invites Edward into the human world.

Edwards love for peg’s daughter, Kim has given Edward a sense of belonging by how love can restore and have connection with someone different to him,



can any1 helpo?

 

[savio23q]

Pretty much what Xcelz said. The only thing I would change is this sentence:

"This concept is shown by a lady called Peg, who invites Edward to the human world."

I would make it - "This concept is depicted through a lady called Peg, who invites Edward to the human world."

Remember, sometimes it's better to keep sentences short and simple in order to maintain good expression. If you start constructing long, complex sentences, they might not always make sense or they may sound a bit...wrong.

Keep it simple, short, to the point.

 

[shantu1992]

回复: help..does this make sense?

nah do it with a bit more sophistication, but dont go over the top
do it so you understand i aswell, but thats preety plain i would say

 

[Mind-Revolution]

My sentences don't make sense (usually) so can anyone tell me if it doesn't make sense

The Movie “Edward Scissor Hands” (1990 Directed by Tim Burton) provides insight into the concept of belonging by a lady called Peg when she invites Edward into the human world.

Edwards love for peg’s daughter, Kim has given Edward a sense of belonging by how love can restore and have connection with someone different to him,



can any1 helpo?

As the others have said, write more simply. Seemingly complex jargon filled sentences detract from the sentence actually having meaning and proving a point. Just discuss the ideas you are trying to prove / contradict, and make it fluent at the same time.

English is one of the few chances to say basically anything you want, as long as you prove it (despite the technique seemingly being completely unrelated / petty). This is most true as all my other subjects were science / math / technology based.

Teachers / markers don't care, just "show" you understand and can discuss the concept with some level of skill (fluent, clear, concise).

 

[Continuum]

As the others have said, write more simply. Seemingly complex jargon filled sentences detract from the sentence actually having meaning and proving a point. Just discuss the ideas you are trying to prove / contradict, and make it fluent at the same time.

English is one of the few chances to say basically anything you want, as long as you prove it (despite the technique seemingly being completely unrelated / petty). This is most true as all my other subjects were science / math / technology based.

Teachers / markers don't care, just "show" you understand and can discuss the concept with some level of skill (fluent, clear, concise).

While I agree with you when you said that sentences filled with complex jargon usually diffuse the meaning and thus the purpose of the sentence, there exists a line where you actually need a degree of sophistication in how you express something. It hardly works when you're trying to elaborate on a complex argument using only limited vocabulary and/or writing it in a very simple manner.

 

[giuliano]

Can anyone suggest a particular context as the basis of a short story which presents conflicting notions of belonging?

 

[Nicola1616]

I know this sound crazy but - a toy box!

 

[hingec]

I'm writing my creative piece about a party where a mate of mine went missing for 4 hours after taking valium and drinking. Probably one of the most terrifying nights of my life, but one that bound together the people who went looking for him/called the police forever. As it turned out he was talking on the phone... for 4 hours... to his girlfriend, but it is turning into a nice story none the less.