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standup

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hey, can you read this and tell me wat you think and how i can improve.

“A journey of one thousand miles must begin with one single step” and it is indeed the individual steps which define a journey. A physical journey is not only a battle against time and distance, but a process of growth, an enhancement of ones inner being. Physical journeys incite inner development and emotional growth as one deals with challenge and adversity. It is said that one learns more about “themselves and the world” – (Peter Skryznecki at visit to our school) through physical journeys. An awareness of the aspects: choices distance and obstacles have help shape my personal understanding of journeys.

Choices in a journey will affect the final outcome. These choice/s are solely made by the individual and will change them for better or for worse. This aspect is illustrated in Peter Skryznecki’s “Postcard”. To further Skrzynecki’s inner development he is faced with the important choice of his cultural heritage: whether he is Polish, Ukrainian or Australian. Skrynecki challenges the responder as he asks the rhetorical question “What’s my choice to be?” In leaving the question unanswered I believe this indicates that he hasn’t made his decision, a step he has chosen NOT to take in his journey.

Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken”, uses a traditional form of poetry to present a choice in his life which has proved influential in giving it shape and substance. Frost’s tone is inviting and conversational, which allows him to communicate on a personal level with the responder. This allows the responder to relate the choice made in Frost’s journey to choices in their own. Frost strongly emphasis’s that once a choice has been made, there is no changing this decision "I doubted if I would ever go back". I believe this is why Skryznecki is hesitant about making his choice on his cultural heritage because once the decision has been made, there is no turning back.

The aspect of choice in Frost's poem is also demonstrated in Martin Leunig's cartoon – “The life you could have led”. The cartoon illustrates a depressed looking man walking down the path entitled "The life you lead" whilst looking down the path entitled "the life you could have led". Clever use of shading emphasises the difference in the two paths. eg. dark shading on the path "the life you lead" to represent themes of mystery and uncertainty.
This use of visual representation has helped shape my personal understanding of journeys.

Journeys are taken to improve ones life and conditions. To flee truly negative aspects of life by embarking on a journey to a new geographic location to start ‘fresh’. This is the reasoning behind the journey “Crossing the Red Sea”. The poem is about migrants moving from war torn Poland after WWII, and captures the essence of a journey purpose.
The responder gathers the traveller’s situation is calamitous through Skryznecki’s use of language. He effectively ‘de-humanises’ the migrants. The metaphor “themselves a landscape” portrays the subjects as miserable and monotonous, through this generalised de-personification, Skryznecki strips the migrants of their individuality and freedom, the qualities they are striving to regain through their migration.


anyone got a good related text to relate journey across distance

wat do u'z think
hit me back.
 

MissSavage29

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standup said:
hey, can you read this and tell me wat you think and how i can improve.

“A journey of one thousand miles must begin with one single step” and it is indeed the individual steps which define a journey. A physical journey is not only a battle against time and distance, but a process of growth, an enhancement of ones inner being. Physical journeys incite inner development and emotional growth as one deals with challenge and adversity. It is said that one learns more about “themselves and the world” – (Peter Skryznecki at visit to our school) through physical journeys. An awareness of the aspects: choices distance and obstacles have help shape my personal understanding of journeys.

Choices in a journey will affect the final outcome. These choice/s are solely made by the individual and will change them for better or for worse. This aspect is illustrated in Peter Skryznecki’s “Postcard”. To further Skrzynecki’s inner development he is faced with the important choice of his cultural heritage: whether he is Polish, Ukrainian or Australian. Skrynecki challenges the responder as he asks the rhetorical question “What’s my choice to be?” In leaving the question unanswered I believe this indicates that he hasn’t made his decision, a step he has chosen NOT to take in his journey.

Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken”, uses a traditional form of poetry to present a choice in his life which has proved influential in giving it shape and substance. Frost’s tone is inviting and conversational, which allows him to communicate on a personal level with the responder. This allows the responder to relate the choice made in Frost’s journey to choices in their own. Frost strongly emphasis’s that once a choice has been made, there is no changing this decision "I doubted if I would ever go back". I believe this is why Skryznecki is hesitant about making his choice on his cultural heritage because once the decision has been made, there is no turning back.

The aspect of choice in Frost's poem is also demonstrated in Martin Leunig's cartoon – “The life you could have led”. The cartoon illustrates a depressed looking man walking down the path entitled "The life you lead" whilst looking down the path entitled "the life you could have led". Clever use of shading emphasises the difference in the two paths. eg. dark shading on the path "the life you lead" to represent themes of mystery and uncertainty.
This use of visual representation has helped shape my personal understanding of journeys.

Journeys are taken to improve ones life and conditions. To flee truly negative aspects of life by embarking on a journey to a new geographic location to start ‘fresh’. This is the reasoning behind the journey “Crossing the Red Sea”. The poem is about migrants moving from war torn Poland after WWII, and captures the essence of a journey purpose.
The responder gathers the traveller’s situation is calamitous through Skryznecki’s use of language. He effectively ‘de-humanises’ the migrants. The metaphor “themselves a landscape” portrays the subjects as miserable and monotonous, through this generalised de-personification, Skryznecki strips the migrants of their individuality and freedom, the qualities they are striving to regain through their migration.


anyone got a good related text to relate journey across distance

wat do u'z think
hit me back.

Just a couple of little points - in your intro take out the reference to Peter comming to your school - it just seems like name dropping in an english essay and is kinda werid actually. Just have the phrase in there without quotation marks.

the end of your into you use a colon - probably not a good idea in an english essay - first off the sentence is a bit cut off. you need to introduce it a little bit better. mabye by mentioning your texts - as you dont explicitly say what your text acutally is.
Something like Peter Skrynecki through his poetry shapes the understanding of phsycial journeys... etc

try to avoid my and I - i know that heaps of questions say how has it shaped your responce to the physical journey but I / my etc just doesn't fit into an english essay. Try to use 'the audience' instead.

dont use capitals to emphasis words

with your paragraphs you tend to focus on one text per paragraph which is fine but most of the higher reponces compare texts in one paragraph. You would talk about Peter S. poetry first - and then intergrate Frost poem. Pick out bits that are the same and compare them...

i.e. compare frosts tone to skrynekci's tone - you could compare skrynekci's rhetorical question to frost doubt that he will return.

oh - and note - a rhetorical question is not meant to be answered - it is meant to be left open for hte reader to ponder - so when you say

the responder as he asks the rhetorical question “What’s my choice to be?” In leaving the question unanswered....

you dont need to say that he leaves the question unanswered as it is a rhetorical question - it is more so provoking thought.

hope that helps
 

TheHeretic

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Joined
Sep 5, 2004
Messages
45
“A journey of one thousand miles must begin with one single step”

This is a cliche. Find an original quote ;-P
 

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