soul theory,
welcome to the BOS forums!!!!!!
okay, u have the essay question: How has your understanding of journeys been shaped and reshaped as a result of your studies?
first of all, here are a few comments when i first read your intro:
--> you need a kinda 'thesis statement' ==> what was the HOW that made ur understanding of journeys change? perhaps it was through the various references to self-reflection in the texts, or perhaps it was the distinct connection between reality and the imagination, or perhaps it was the realisation of hardship, or choices that pop-up on the 'road of life'. the closest you have to a kinda 'thesis statement' was this:
Ones understanding of journey has been shaped and reshaped through the literal experiences of a variety of texts. Physical journeys are characterised as a movement from one place to another in which travellers will meet various obstacles and in the end, changing not only themselves but the way they see the world. <== i think u have to be a BIT more specific when u mean 'obstacles' or 'experiences' on the road. perhaps it is the choices that travellers face, or the hardships they had to endure. think about this. all your textual analysis will be going to support this 'thesis statement'.
--> no need to go so in depth with the 'what' factor of each text. IE no story telling. the marker will assume that they know the text. what is more important and what will get you more marks is analysing the techniques and linking it back to what ur arguing. which leads onto my next pt:
--> need for more detailed analysis. lets take ur rabbit proof fence paragraph as an example.
In Rabbit Proof Fence the journey is depicted through the cinematography, Noyce uses multiple cut shots of the Tracker, Mr Neville, Constable Ross and the nurses, whilst Molly uses a voice over saying “You make me sick.” and the final two cut shots are of an eagle flying and of Molly holding her mother. The effect is that the first four cut shots show the white culture as a destructive force, destroying aboriginal families and causing chaos throughout the land, while the two final cut shots is symbolic for peace, freedom, family love, and the need to return home.
its good that uve identified that they use film techniques to support meaning, but simply LISTING these things is not good enough. i know that it conveys the idea of the 'destructive force of the white culture', but people will begin to question the link between the simple protrayal of white australians and them being a destructive force. YOU NEED TO GO FURTHER. perhaps talk about the TONE OF VOICE the constable commanded and his forceful movements IN CONTRAST to the considerably feebler, weeping and helpless mother. there, it is this CONTRAST that would suggest the brutality of the white australians, and HENCE, it established the harsh experiences that would plague the captured sisters.
it is things like that you need to consider. ALSO, MORE IMPORTANTLY, link back all uve said back to your thesis statement, and therefore, ANSWER THE QUESTION.
hopefully this is enough information to get u started onto the road of improvement.
cheers, M.D.
