Yeh...
i used this story for trials i was wondering can i use it again?
And could i edit to get a better mark coz i got 11/15
This is based on a real life experience i had, some of the details are distorted coz i dont remember much, but most of the story did indeed happen. i know that much.
i know i can improve on it i just need some ideas.
thanks.
^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^
STORY
‘Warren’s going now Shirley’
Yelled uncle Pete to his worried wife; my aunt Shirley
‘I’m coming, I’m coming!’
Is all she said as they raced around the house getting ready to leave.
I moved out around the kitchen in my baby walker at the time my mother had picked me up and walked with pride.
‘Tell uncle Warren, you love him and wish him well,’
cooed my mum to me all I did was clap and smile to my uncle warren standing in his navy uniform, getting ready to head off for a couple of months at a time.
My little face lit up as I smiled to uncle warren, whom was beaming back and said in a tone of relief.
‘It’s all right Karen, she’s doing just fine.’
Mum, dad and Warren said their goodbyes; almost all of them were teary eyed.
Standing on the wharf on a hot summer’s day I sat in aunt Shirley's arms trying to swat the flies away.
I could sense the sadness and the tears but I could feel the pride emanating from my uncle Pete who took one look at his son and grinned from ear to ear.
I was to be the last to say goodbye as I heard my mum cry with me in Warren’s arms he told us he would be back soon. Mum worried as she cried
‘be careful, be safe and we will have you home soon.’
I remember sitting in the humid weather and watching as the ship set sail.
After the long goodbye Mum and Dad I could hear cry so uncle Pete scooped me up from my stroller and took me for a walk to keep the talk of Warren between themselves.
Shouting ice creams was nana Gray and peppermint was my favourite flavour that day.
Green and runny not just in my tummy but all over my pretty floral dress that I had been dressed in to say my last goodbye to uncle Warren.
So that was my day in Sydney and in the park with a few of my relatives sitting in the dark as I rolled around in the grass and played with my cousin Tom.
Walking and rolling around all day was tiring but I learnt a fair few things that day that family was always here to stay in good times and bad even when they made me sad.
Journeys helped me understand that life is too short that we should go out and live it.
If I never journeyed that day with my family to Sydney’s Wharf I would never have gotten the chance to say goodbye, my last goodbye forever.
As this man ‘Warren “Chuck” Norris’ died for the navy, sixteen years ago in Hong Kong. Not long after we all said goodbye in Sydney Harbour.
i used this story for trials i was wondering can i use it again?
And could i edit to get a better mark coz i got 11/15
This is based on a real life experience i had, some of the details are distorted coz i dont remember much, but most of the story did indeed happen. i know that much.
i know i can improve on it i just need some ideas.
thanks.
^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^
STORY
‘Warren’s going now Shirley’
Yelled uncle Pete to his worried wife; my aunt Shirley
‘I’m coming, I’m coming!’
Is all she said as they raced around the house getting ready to leave.
I moved out around the kitchen in my baby walker at the time my mother had picked me up and walked with pride.
‘Tell uncle Warren, you love him and wish him well,’
cooed my mum to me all I did was clap and smile to my uncle warren standing in his navy uniform, getting ready to head off for a couple of months at a time.
My little face lit up as I smiled to uncle warren, whom was beaming back and said in a tone of relief.
‘It’s all right Karen, she’s doing just fine.’
Mum, dad and Warren said their goodbyes; almost all of them were teary eyed.
Standing on the wharf on a hot summer’s day I sat in aunt Shirley's arms trying to swat the flies away.
I could sense the sadness and the tears but I could feel the pride emanating from my uncle Pete who took one look at his son and grinned from ear to ear.
I was to be the last to say goodbye as I heard my mum cry with me in Warren’s arms he told us he would be back soon. Mum worried as she cried
‘be careful, be safe and we will have you home soon.’
I remember sitting in the humid weather and watching as the ship set sail.
After the long goodbye Mum and Dad I could hear cry so uncle Pete scooped me up from my stroller and took me for a walk to keep the talk of Warren between themselves.
Shouting ice creams was nana Gray and peppermint was my favourite flavour that day.
Green and runny not just in my tummy but all over my pretty floral dress that I had been dressed in to say my last goodbye to uncle Warren.
So that was my day in Sydney and in the park with a few of my relatives sitting in the dark as I rolled around in the grass and played with my cousin Tom.
Walking and rolling around all day was tiring but I learnt a fair few things that day that family was always here to stay in good times and bad even when they made me sad.
Journeys helped me understand that life is too short that we should go out and live it.
If I never journeyed that day with my family to Sydney’s Wharf I would never have gotten the chance to say goodbye, my last goodbye forever.
As this man ‘Warren “Chuck” Norris’ died for the navy, sixteen years ago in Hong Kong. Not long after we all said goodbye in Sydney Harbour.