Making Friends with People Who Have No Mutual Friends With You (3 Viewers)

[ur_inner_child]

I think I just got social amnesia or something, but I'm finding it particularly difficult at the moment to be GENUINE friends with people who don't share any mutual friends with you. Must we all roll around in semi-incestuous groups?

For instance (many instances now), I make a friend (usually a guy) at uni who I share a class with for a semester. I want to take this person out because they seem hella fun, but I know they'll be reluctant to because they wouldn't know anyone or that it would be kinda the wrong message if it's one on one.

I think the hugest problem is the fact that they're the opposite sex. I can't take them out as one person to an outing with a group of people, without him or them thinking suspicious ways. But then I can never get to know this person well. We stay stupid facebook friends. I have 200+ friends on facebook, and I swear, a third/half of them probably fit this situation.

There's this one friend at uni who I get along with heaps, and next class, I just want to beg him to not graduate this year, as I have not gotten to know him well enough yet. We only have 4 weeks left of uni. And because this has happened so many times before, I'm actually really sad about it. And I just know that we'll never see each other again after this year ends.

I'm just sick of making friends who are only for fun, rather than creating lasting friendships.

Thoughts/advice/empatheticness.

 

[ur_inner_child]

Hahaha, t'would be weird. But your internet friends are friends with each other! Making BoS friends close to you/us was so easy. We were already all so connected. Hence I can have a deeper conversation with you, or Tom, or Melli, without them ever having to know anyone I know.

I can't assimilate some random yet hilarious and fun dude, who has nothing to do with anyone, into my social circle without 20 types of awkwardness! Even if they bring a friend...

Maybe I'm over thinking it. But I just feel like I'm running out of time to think of something to get this person a permanent part of my circle of friends :/

Damn you people graduating.

 

[alby]

i dont know many people who i dont have someone in common with...and the ones i do generally arent the type of people who you can instantly become great friends with.

in your situation, i'd say for you to get his number/email and keep in contact that way...arrange regular times for you to catch up after your exams (either alone or with other people from uni)...and build on your friendship over time - you can't do that in 4 weeks.

 

[pattii]

PERSONALLY... I think you're over analysing things...
like i don't think anything of it when guy friends that i don't know that well..
and i don't think anything of it when i ask them to chill or whatever.. i just say wanna go for coffee/movies/chill/kill time?..

don't worry if they get the wrong message, just tell them it's just friends and there's nothing to it^^

+ i think you need to get that friends number so you can txt him/her and be like "hey love, whats up for this saturday? do feel like havin' a beer with me?"

kk
<3

 

[Enteebee]

sweet

 

[lala2]

Before I read your post I thought you were talking about Facebook. Just obtain his number and text him at some point and be like hey, how's everything going, do you wanna do a coffee date at some point? etc.

And yeah, I know what you mean about having an excessive number of Facebook friends--I'm approaching 200 and I'd say half of them are just randoms I've met at one party or one thing or another, with another 20% pharmacy peeps and another 20% classmates from all the various schools I went to.

 

[ur_inner_child]

I think I've just been with my boyfriend for too long, I must be getting all self conscious with my intentions too much etc.

Yeah. I think I'm being warped with my thinking.

 

[lala2]

Wow--how long have you been together? Sounds like you're virtually married or something

 

[ur_inner_child]

4 years come next friday.

massive anxieties when I think about it in principle. but i adore him..

 

[ur_inner_child]

No idea man, snag an invite with them to elsewhere.

EDIT: According to NSW law Stef is technically in a defacto relationship!

ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

oh god. you just heightened my anxieties!!!

I still put down "single" though, in forms and such. Fucked if I make the NSW government think I have shared finances or whatever.

 

[Tulipa]

Why do you have to assimilate them?

I have random friends at uni who my regular uni group doesn't hang out with.

Plus my uni friends and Sydney friends are pretty much completely separate.

Except I think I have a problem with compartmentalising people that way.

 

[Evilo]

+ i think you need to get that friends number so you can txt him/her and be like "hey love, whats up for this saturday? do feel like havin' a beer with me?"

kk
<3

Should send a great message to that person if you just want to be friends

 

[AlleyCat]

i know what you mean, but sometimes you just have to have friends seperate from one another.

i have some friends that i have known for ages, some who get along together as a group and others who would feel much more comfortable just having coffee with me one on one.

and i am like that with others. occasionally i'll go to a party with a bunch of people i dont know/or hardly know, but mostly with these people i'll just organise a seperate time to catch up, without having to make ties with a bunch of people.

the fact of the matter is that, if a group of old friends get along really well, and someone comes along, they can either accept them immediately or just be nice to them as an aquaintance.

thats the important difference. whether you can see your friends making "small talk" with this person to be polite or whether they are genuinely getting along.

 

[stazi]

Well...the closest thing I can see to this is the fact I've assimilated the bulk of my close Internet friends into my IRL friends group.



It's a little weird, tbh.

yeah, agreed. i hate your RL friends because they have low post counts.

 

[Member232135]

Should send a great message to that person if you just want to be friends

Lol ti just like the chik that you like that sends you sms's ending in <3 xx all the time and fucks with your head haha.

 

[Aralia]

"I look around the room and wonder...when it was and how my life has changed...I'm surrounded by a million so-called friends, I don't even know their names..." (Lonely, Shannon Noll)

I definitely know what you mean and I empathize with you. It's really difficult to have lasting friendships if you only bump into people every now and then. The key is to find commonality - maybe you're studying the same course together...and then when that ends, maybe you're striving for honours together as well. Keep taking interest in each other's lives, who knows, they might even bring you a job vacancy too, or help out when you need it =)

 

[pattii]

Should send a great message to that person if you just want to be friends

??
i say love/darl/babe/bitch/slut/mole/sexy/fuckwit/etc.... alot, i dnt think they'll get the wrong message

 

[ur_inner_child]

??
i say love/darl/babe/bitch/slut/mole/sexy/fuckwit/etc.... alot, i dnt think they'll get the wrong message

Yes but you can do that when you reach a certain point in a friendship.

You see, I'm not even in the "hey dude what are you doing tonight" sms-ing stage yet. And I have four weeks to get closer to that. Hahaha. We are both totally new. And I don't know why I'm stressing over it. I just haven't gotten along with someone upon meeting them a few times THIS well.

I couldn't even get a chance to buy him or beer or anything because his girlfriend was all over him this week. Oh yeah. His girlfriend's existence makes it a shitload harder.

We're currently on a hugging basis though. Which is weird. It's like we skipped a step :/

I'm going to tell him next week, being honest, that I think he's way awesome, and that him graduating makes me sad. Horay for honesty And then we can work at it or whatever. Or make empty promises, I don't know.

 

[ur_inner_child]

Why do you have to assimilate them?

Because at the moment, I don't have a uni group that I hang around with. That's a lie. But I only am around them because I have to. There are only 6 people in my course right now. We have to get along. But they're not the type I'd hang out with outside uni.

I just don't want him to be another one of billion floating friends that I have

Oh and AlleyCat, I understand about the need to seperate people, but these seperate people that already exist... well... they're always the type that will be less likely to hang out at your 21st; they'll give you a sexy present, but leave at 10pm because they know no one. I'm not into it!

 

[pattii]

Yes but you can do that when you reach a certain point in a friendship.

i do it all the time..
:|

You see, I'm not even in the "hey dude what are you doing tonight" sms-ing stage yet. And I have four weeks to get closer to that. Hahaha. We are both totally new. And I don't know why I'm stressing over it. I just haven't gotten along with someone upon meeting them a few times THIS well.

aww you sound like you really like 'em don't stress, heaps of my friends talk way different on msn/txting than irl, so if this guy is pretty laid back its sall good he'll just thin your hella nice=]

I couldn't even get a chance to buy him or beer or anything because his girlfriend was all over him this week. Oh yeah. His girlfriend's existence makes it a shitload harder.

.. wait he has a gf?...damn that fucks with everything esp if she's the 'super jealous' type

We're currently on a hugging basis though. Which is weird. It's like we skipped a step :/

thats awesome! you'll be able to ask him for a beer in no time^^ with a group of mates or one on one.

I'm going to tell him next week, being honest, that I think he's way awesome, and that him graduating makes me sad. Horay for honesty And then we can work at it or whatever. Or make empty promises, I don't know.

i hope it turns out well mmk?goodluck but by the sound of it, your fine!