SamTan*06*
Member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2006
- Messages
- 200
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- 2006
Ok, firstly, is my class the only class in the state doing "Enders Game" for imaginative journeys??
Secondly, pplease read my story, and tell me what I can improve on :-D
Long shadows clawed the grass like long, bony hands. Crouched low under a small tree, head drawn level with her knees, trying to not breathe in leaf debris, she watched the street. Near by, a street lamp covered a house in a spindly silhouettes causing it took look like a haunted house in a cliche horror film.
Sam carefully stepped out from the leafy hiding place; being careful not to catch her old baggy pants on a twig. A slight chill snaked up her spine. She hugged her old jumper tighter around her solid frame and moved on. Sam tried to look all around her, watching, listening for them. She took particular care where she stepped, anything could cause her to trip or make any noise. Her old sneakers though, seemed to know their way around the rocks, tree roots and stones as if they had minds of their own.
Across the street, quickly and quietly, to the deep, comforting darkness on the other side. Sam reached her shelter in a cluster of trees and waited. A faint rustling caused Sam to panic, and panic causes mistakes. She tried to slink through the branches soundlessly, her heart - pounding faster by the second. Sam cursed furiously under her breath as a branch snagged the hem of her jumper. ‘Come on!’ she thought, ‘I can’t be found, not yet! I’m almost home!’ She realised that she won’t be free in time, so she tried to remain completely invisible. Sam stopped moving and slowed her breathing, but her heart was beating so loud, she was sure that she would be caught.
Light flooded her hiding spot, causing temporary blindness. Sam had been found after so much effort. She looked up, full of disappointment. A friendly face looked back and gave a big grin
“Spotlight; I found you!”
Secondly, pplease read my story, and tell me what I can improve on :-D
Long shadows clawed the grass like long, bony hands. Crouched low under a small tree, head drawn level with her knees, trying to not breathe in leaf debris, she watched the street. Near by, a street lamp covered a house in a spindly silhouettes causing it took look like a haunted house in a cliche horror film.
Sam carefully stepped out from the leafy hiding place; being careful not to catch her old baggy pants on a twig. A slight chill snaked up her spine. She hugged her old jumper tighter around her solid frame and moved on. Sam tried to look all around her, watching, listening for them. She took particular care where she stepped, anything could cause her to trip or make any noise. Her old sneakers though, seemed to know their way around the rocks, tree roots and stones as if they had minds of their own.
Across the street, quickly and quietly, to the deep, comforting darkness on the other side. Sam reached her shelter in a cluster of trees and waited. A faint rustling caused Sam to panic, and panic causes mistakes. She tried to slink through the branches soundlessly, her heart - pounding faster by the second. Sam cursed furiously under her breath as a branch snagged the hem of her jumper. ‘Come on!’ she thought, ‘I can’t be found, not yet! I’m almost home!’ She realised that she won’t be free in time, so she tried to remain completely invisible. Sam stopped moving and slowed her breathing, but her heart was beating so loud, she was sure that she would be caught.
Light flooded her hiding spot, causing temporary blindness. Sam had been found after so much effort. She looked up, full of disappointment. A friendly face looked back and gave a big grin
“Spotlight; I found you!”