Please Critique My Essay! :) (1 Viewer)

[Acid]

Hey guys,

I've written up an essay on imaginary journeys, and I would greatly appreciate it if some of you could take a quick look and let me know any positive or negative thoughts. Who knows, you might get some ideas for your own essays along the way..

Thanks!

 

[mickeylieu]

Hi,

I read it briefly - it's pretty good, but maybe a bit long? 1.5k words?

Other than that, it was well written.


m.

 

[Acid]

Hey - I wouldn't be using everything in there, but I just want to have a good essay to study from that I can mould to any question...

 

[bubble_tea]

I think that a good essay to mould from is 'how has your understanding been shaped by your study of journey'

and i didn't think you needed to talk about the context of Shakespeare's time in that depth. you should mainly talk about the journey that shakespeare takes the audience on that makes them realise their actions through the symbolism of prospero's magic & knowledge, and the characters Caliban as representation of colonisation, without directly blaming anyone. Its shakespeare's view on society that he wants us to be made aware of without pointing the finger at us, which is why he made it set in an imaginary world with 'real' people.

Dunno if any of that made sense, but hope it helped.

 

[glitterfairy]

Just one picky point (something I have a tendancy to do myself):

Be very careful of putting too many things into parenthesis (brackets) <-- If it's more than a few words long, it is advised to put it into a sentence of its own. This includes text titles.

This is merely my opinion though - it's something my teachers are picky about as well. If no-one else here feels that way and you nor your teachers have ever brought it up, you can consider ignoring me

 

[gemita]

Hey Acid,
IMO that is a fantastic essay. I like the way you incorporated postmodern theorums and looked at the social collective memory and values, which gave your essay a very sophisticated context and showed that you have a solid, broad understanding.

The only thing I would say is that while your structure is impeccable, the fact that it is so regimented means that at the end of the essay I wasn't quite prepared for your conclusion, because all the previous points had been dealt with in a 'block-by-block' kind of way. So maybe I would try and draw all your points into a general analysis before reaching your conclusion, just so it doesn't feel so stilted. But if you can write that under exam conditions you'll be an exemplar for sure! Congrats.

 

[gemita]

By the way, if I were you there's no way I'd be posting that only a couple of days before the exam. People are desperate around this time, and that's a good essay. Just a thought.

 

[Acid]

True, but chances are most of those people won't be prepared enough to understand the essay, or won't understand my texts enough to make any sense when writing it in the HSC anyway...

 

[gordo]

your essay is crap asher