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"The Lost People" Short Story for Belonging (1 Viewer)

Bowser640

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Joined
Aug 27, 2007
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2008
Here is my story for belonging. Any ideas or comments would be appreciated.

:cool:



My name is not important, but you can call me John. I used to be like them once. I had a nice sports car, a large house and, most importantly, a beautiful wife and son. It’s been so long, that sometimes I almost forget.

One day, my son became ill. We didn’t think much of it, just thought he had the flu. After a couple of days we decided to take him to the doctors. We discovered that he had a rampant form of brain cancer, that was both rare and the treatment was costly. What would you have done?

I sold everything, the car, the house and most of the possessions just to cover the cost of the treatments. It was to no avail. After a couple of months my wife, unable to live with the pain, decided to end it all, dying of a broken heart.

After that, my life span out of control. My “friends”, as I laughingly called them, wanted nothing to do with me once the money was gone. How shallow they were… how shallow was I?

After selling my dream home, I had to rent. When I went to renew the lease, the cost had almost doubled! I had no choice but to move onto the streets.

Look at me now I’m one of those people I used to thumb my nose at and just walk past without a second thought. I’m lucky now if I can find a dry place to sleep, some food to eat and living off charity. I’d sit on a park bench and watch my old “friends” walk past, not even glance at me, and if they did they’d act as if they didn’t know me.

Yet here, on the streets, I have met real friends. The people I’m with now accept me for who I am, not what I have. No matter what has happened, I still find comfort in that.
 

sebster16

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Sep 8, 2008
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isnt it way too short?? the markers expect u to spend 40 minutes writing your story, and this story could be written in under 20 minutes
 

thatjayderig

New Member
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Mar 18, 2009
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2009
i agree, its way 2 short, i really like it though. :) just make it a tad longer. its good that there are no names within it except the "john" thing - it gives the audience a greater sense of connection
 

loz1

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Mar 22, 2009
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HSC
2009
sounds like old bill out of simple gift (my set text for belonging)
 

Bowser640

New Member
Joined
Aug 27, 2007
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HSC
2008
thanks for your cooments. I'll have to make it longer.
BTW,I completely made this story up, I haven't even read Simple Gift :p.
 

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