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Understanding nourishes belonging... (1 Viewer)

dragon_rider

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Hey people, i've just written a few paragraphs of an essay and am wondering if is legit. What do you think?:bomb::confused::bomb:
A lack of understanding of belonging and be caused by confusion. Confusion is when an individual is unclear and perplexed of something. This can affect the nourishment of belonging in a person if he cannot understand the connection he is meant to have. In the poem ‘Ancestors’ Skrzynecki’s bewilderment is expressed through the constant repetition of rhetorical questions. Five of the seven stanzas of the poem start with either ‘who’, ‘what’, where’ and ‘why’. “What secrets/ Do they whisper into the darkness” this line demonstrates how the unknown can arise questions. In this case he is referring to the spirits of his ancestors. It is implied through the phrase ‘whisper into the darkness’ the persona is having a hard time to understand what these spirits are trying to convey. Thus leaving him confused and disconnected to his forebears. This shows how Skrzynecki does not feel a sense of belonging to those of his ancestry due to the lack of understanding he possesses of his family history. Similarly the poem ‘Postcard’ depicts the lack of nourishment in the understanding of his native culture and origin.

Distance from country of origin can also impact on the nourishment of belonging due to a lack of understanding of the culture of the country from afar. The distance is an immediate disconnection for everybody who lives away from their original home country; this is because it is difficult for people to maintain their cultures in a foreign country. This was especially true during the time Skrzynecki was a child, nowadays people are able to maintain their cultures as a result of multiculturalism. Disconnection due to distance is shown in the text ‘Postcard’. The use of personification expresses the composer’s feeling of not belonging. “Warsaw, Old Town,/I never knew you/ Except in the third person” in this line Skrzynecki personifies the city of Warsaw. He speaks directly to the city and implies that he has only heard about the city, through word-of-mouth. This shows that the distance has affected his understanding of the city. He is not familiar with it as he has not personally been to the country and therefore feels a sense of not belonging. This feeling of disconnection is due to the fact that he does not have a clear understanding of the city and thus his belonging not nourished. In the music video of ‘Colours of the Wind’ there is a contrast, as it still shows the lack of understanding but through the narration of another in second person.
Does this make any sense at all?
Have i even analysed this text?
 

PwnerKebab

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Im sorry, this is woeful. Please stand by for my asian correspondent who is currently undergoing a thorough critique of your work. You will not be pleased.
 

imnotwallace

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A lack of understanding of belonging and be caused by confusion.
No, it doesn't make sense already. Is this paragraph your introduction? I suggest you stop talking about 'Confusion' in the first paragraph. We aren't studying confusion, we're studying belonging and 'confusion' is just wasting words. Identify a clear notion of belonging, or rephrase your confusion thing into more precise wording. Identifying the aspect of belonging should only take one sentence.
In the poem ‘Ancestors’ Skrzynecki’s bewilderment is expressed through the constant repetition of rhetorical questions.
Use an example. Link how the author's 'bewilderment' is connected to your concept of belonging.
Five of the seven stanzas of the poem start with either ‘who’, ‘what’, where’ and ‘why’.
What does this mean then? Link this to how it shapes an understanding of belonging.
“What secrets/ Do they whisper into the darkness” this line demonstrates how the unknown can arise questions. In this case he is referring to the spirits of his ancestors. It is implied through the phrase ‘whisper into the darkness’ the persona is having a hard time to understand what these spirits are trying to convey. Thus leaving him confused and disconnected to his forebears. This shows how Skrzynecki does not feel a sense of belonging to those of his ancestry due to the lack of understanding he possesses of his family history.
This is a finally an actual 'point'. Work on making this precise. Its taking too long to just say, "A disconnection to Skryznecki's ancestry is shown through the phrase "they whisper into the darkness"." Go on to pinpoint a specific poetic technique here. I don't have the rest of the poem so i wouldn't know how this line fits in.
Similarly the poem ‘Postcard’ depicts the lack of nourishment in the understanding of his native culture and origin.
Scrap this sentence. it adds nothing to your essay (because you haven't gone through the steps, C.T.E.E. - Concept, Technique, Example, Explain). Unless this is part of your second paragraph?


Your second paragraph is generally better than your first paragraph.
However:
The distance is an immediate disconnection for everybody who lives away from their original home country; this is because it is difficult for people to maintain their cultures in a foreign country. This was especially true during the time Skrzynecki was a child, nowadays people are able to maintain their cultures as a result of multiculturalism. Disconnection due to distance is shown in the text ‘Postcard’. The use of personification expresses the composer’s feeling of not belonging
Taking too long to get to the point. Talking about his context adds nothing of literary value until you link it with the poem, so you're wasting words here. "A disconnection due to distance is shown in Skryznecki's 'Postcard' through the use of personification. [Example and explanation here]" There in two sentences, you could sum up what your entire paragraph was trying to say. Focus on making your expression more precise.
In the music video of ‘Colours of the Wind’ there is a contrast, as it still shows the lack of understanding but through the narration of another in second person.
Don't make random throwaway sentences that merely reference your additional text. It feels cheap and insubstantial in analysis.

PwnerKebab, feel free to add your own comments as well
 
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