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can some one read my essay by tonight ??? (2 Viewers)

laysz

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Belonging is a basic human need, it would seem to be a natural thing. We belong to groups, clubs, societies, and most of us long to belong to something. Belonging to a group, club or even the larger world can provide opportunities and disappointments to individuals. ‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ and ‘St. Patrick’s college’, are two poems by Peter Skrzynecki which demonstrate this meaning of belonging. A related movie text is ‘mean girls’ directed by mark waters and a fiction book ‘Pinocchio’ by Walt Disney.
‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ is an ode written about his father. He describes his father – ‘he liked gardening’, ‘hard worker’, ‘didn’t sleep much’. This demonstrates that his father did these things as a getaway, a way to escape into his old life, as he felt he didn’t belong where he is now. He reminisces with his friends about how he was forced 5 years of labour in Germany, and how he had lived life previously, farming etc ‘loved his garden like an only child’. This shows us how much he misses his earlier life.
This latter is amazingly put. ‘Stumbling over tenses in Caesar’s Gallic war, I forgot my first polish word.’ At thirteen he is struggling with Latin and forgets his first polish word. There is irony here as he learns a dead language no one speaks anymore, and starts to forget his native language, which is very much still alive. The author also calls up the feeling of the father still being very polish in a country not his own. ‘Did your father ever attempt to learn English?’ he never lost his native language and never even learnt English, while the author is drawn more to the country.
Ironically, and this says a lot about the character of his father, it is not the author who is most happy, even though you would expect him to feel more at home. It is his father, ‘happy as I have never been’.
‘St Patrick’s College’ paints a portrait of Skrzynecki’s life at the school, it deals with belonging in relation to education, spirituality and faith. Skrzynecki’s mother was “impressed by the uniforms of her employer’s sons” suggesting that she hopes that by sending him to this school, he will eventually belong to their wealthy status and their country. The uniform is a metaphor implying a lack of individuality which allows the students to belong to the school.
The juxtaposition of “Our lady watched with outstretched arms, her face overshadowed by clouds” suggests that at first glance the school appears welcoming, a place where he will easily belong, however the use of the words “overshadowed by clouds” giving an ominous, foreboding tone. This predicts that Skrzynecki was doomed not to belong to the school.
Despite Skrzynecki’s mother’s hopes for her son that by sending him to a wealthy school he may eventually fit into a wealthy social class, Skrzynecki does not belong. This is because he chose not to belong from the moment he entered the school, he did not care. This can be shown through his actions, ‘I stuck pine needles into the motto of my breast’ which is ironic because the motto represents the core values of the school.
‘Mean girls’ is based on a 16 year old teenager called Cady, who has lived in Africa and been home schooled all her life. When her parents move to America, they enroll her in a mainstream school, Cady finds herself trying to fit in amongst jocks, mathletes and other subcultures. Her first day at school she is completely isolated, because she doesn’t know anyone and has no one to sit with at lunch. Fortunately for her she is saved by ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ who take her and show her about school life. Janice and Damian who refer them selves to ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ plan to get revenge on Regina (head of the plastics – most popular girls in school), as Janice has had a past with Regina. Cady is invited to join the ‘plastics’ and Janice takes this as an opportunity to get back at Regina.
Cady develops a crush on Regina’s ex-boyfriend, when Regina finds out, she pretends to like her ex and gets him back. This gets Cady mad, and so begins the plots of revenge. They give her nutrition bars which makes you gain weight, foot cream for her face and turned her plastics against her. In all of this commotion Cady’s manages to become head of the plastics, and takes Regina’s place, her-self identity disappears as she doesn’t realize she’s changed in order to fit in and feel like she belongs.
Cady realizes her mistake when she throws a party, while her parents are away, and forgets that she had prior arrangements with Janice. ‘You are cold, hard, shiny plastic!’ screams Janice as she confronts Cady. The movie’s climax is with Regina photo copying their ‘burn book’ (a book made by the plastics writing mean things about everyone) and throwing it all over the school. The principal orders everyone to the hall. Here everyone confronts each other. By the end of the movie Cady is back to being herself, Regina and the other plastics begin to lead a normal life, not as the plastics, ironic as it may seem, even though we see that their group of plastics broke up, we see another group of younger plastics begin.
‘Pinocchio’ is the story of a troubled lad searching for self- worth, self-esteem, and a sense of belonging. He is in desperate need of, and unconsciously seeking to fit in.



not finished yett though ...
 

laysz

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thanks (= .. im actually wondering if im going to be able to finish off the whole essay in 40 mins ...
 

L

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Belonging is a basic human need, it would seem to be a natural thing. We belong to groups, clubs, societies, and most of us long to belong to something. Belonging to a group, club or even the larger world can provide opportunities and disappointments to individuals. ‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ and ‘St. Patrick’s college’, are two poems by Peter Skrzynecki which demonstrate this meaning of belonging. A related movie text is ‘mean girls’ directed by mark waters and a fiction book ‘Pinocchio’ by Walt Disney.
‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ is an ode written about his father. He describes his father – ‘he liked gardening’, ‘hard worker’, ‘didn’t sleep much’. This demonstrates that his father did these things as a getaway, a way to escape into his old life, as he felt he didn’t belong where he is now. He reminisces with his friends about how he was forced 5 years of labour in Germany, and how he had lived life previously, farming etc ‘loved his garden like an only child’. This shows us how much he misses his earlier life.
This latter is amazingly put. ‘Stumbling over tenses in Caesar’s Gallic war, I forgot my first polish word.’ At thirteen he is struggling with Latin and forgets his first polish word. There is irony here as he learns a dead language no one speaks anymore, and starts to forget his native language, which is very much still alive. The author also calls up the feeling of the father still being very polish in a country not his own. ‘Did your father ever attempt to learn English?’ he never lost his native language and never even learnt English, while the author is drawn more to the country.
Ironically, and this says a lot about the character of his father, it is not the author who is most happy, even though you would expect him to feel more at home. It is his father, ‘happy as I have never been’.
‘St Patrick’s College’ paints a portrait of Skrzynecki’s life at the school, it deals with belonging in relation to education, spirituality and faith. Skrzynecki’s mother was “impressed by the uniforms of her employer’s sons” suggesting that she hopes that by sending him to this school, he will eventually belong to their wealthy status and their country. The uniform is a metaphor implying a lack of individuality which allows the students to belong to the school.
The juxtaposition of “Our lady watched with outstretched arms, her face overshadowed by clouds” suggests that at first glance the school appears welcoming, a place where he will easily belong, however the use of the words “overshadowed by clouds” giving an ominous, foreboding tone. This predicts that Skrzynecki was doomed not to belong to the school.
Despite Skrzynecki’s mother’s hopes for her son that by sending him to a wealthy school he may eventually fit into a wealthy social class, Skrzynecki does not belong. This is because he chose not to belong from the moment he entered the school, he did not care. This can be shown through his actions, ‘I stuck pine needles into the motto of my breast’ which is ironic because the motto represents the core values of the school.
‘Mean girls’ is based on a 16 year old teenager called Cady, who has lived in Africa and been home schooled all her life. When her parents move to America, they enroll her in a mainstream school, Cady finds herself trying to fit in amongst jocks, mathletes and other subcultures. Her first day at school she is completely isolated, because she doesn’t know anyone and has no one to sit with at lunch. Fortunately for her she is saved by ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ who take her and show her about school life. Janice and Damian who refer them selves to ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ plan to get revenge on Regina (head of the plastics – most popular girls in school), as Janice has had a past with Regina. Cady is invited to join the ‘plastics’ and Janice takes this as an opportunity to get back at Regina.
Cady develops a crush on Regina’s ex-boyfriend, when Regina finds out, she pretends to like her ex and gets him back. This gets Cady mad, and so begins the plots of revenge. They give her nutrition bars which makes you gain weight, foot cream for her face and turned her plastics against her. In all of this commotion Cady’s manages to become head of the plastics, and takes Regina’s place, her-self identity disappears as she doesn’t realize she’s changed in order to fit in and feel like she belongs.
Cady realizes her mistake when she throws a party, while her parents are away, and forgets that she had prior arrangements with Janice. ‘You are cold, hard, shiny plastic!’ screams Janice as she confronts Cady. The movie’s climax is with Regina photo copying their ‘burn book’ (a book made by the plastics writing mean things about everyone) and throwing it all over the school. The principal orders everyone to the hall. Here everyone confronts each other. By the end of the movie Cady is back to being herself, Regina and the other plastics begin to lead a normal life, not as the plastics, ironic as it may seem, even though we see that their group of plastics broke up, we see another group of younger plastics begin.
‘Pinocchio’ is the story of a troubled lad searching for self- worth, self-esteem, and a sense of belonging. He is in desperate need of, and unconsciously seeking to fit in.



not finished yett though ...
thanks,

going to use that for my exam on tuesday =]
 

laysz

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HAHAHAH WDF ?? noooo !!!! im using it tomorrow
 

laysz

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yea i havnt finished yett..im finishing off the last related text now
 

laysz

New Member
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Belonging is a basic human need, it would seem to be a natural thing. We belong to groups, clubs, societies, and most of us long to belong to something. Belonging to a group, club or even the larger world can provide opportunities and disappointments to individuals. ‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ and ‘St. Patrick’s college’, are two poems by Peter Skrzynecki which demonstrate this meaning of belonging. A related movie text is ‘mean girls’ directed by mark waters and a fiction book ‘Pinocchio’ by Walt Disney.
‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ is an ode written about his father. He describes his father – ‘he liked gardening’, ‘hard worker’, ‘didn’t sleep much’. This demonstrates that his father did these things as a getaway, a way to escape into his old life, as he felt he didn’t belong where he is now. He reminisces with his friends about how he was forced 5 years of labour in Germany, and how he had lived life previously, farming etc ‘loved his garden like an only child’. This shows us how much he misses his earlier life.
This latter is amazingly put. ‘Stumbling over tenses in Caesar’s Gallic war, I forgot my first polish word.’ At thirteen he is struggling with Latin and forgets his first polish word. There is irony here as he learns a dead language no one speaks anymore, and starts to forget his native language, which is very much still alive. The author also calls up the feeling of the father still being very polish in a country not his own. ‘Did your father ever attempt to learn English?’ he never lost his native language and never even learnt English, while the author is drawn more to the country.
Ironically, and this says a lot about the character of his father, it is not the author who is most happy, even though you would expect him to feel more at home. It is his father, ‘happy as I have never been’.
‘St Patrick’s College’ paints a portrait of Skrzynecki’s life at the school, it deals with belonging in relation to education, spirituality and faith. Skrzynecki’s mother was “impressed by the uniforms of her employer’s sons” suggesting that she hopes that by sending him to this school, he will eventually belong to their wealthy status and their country. The uniform is a metaphor implying a lack of individuality which allows the students to belong to the school.
The juxtaposition of “Our lady watched with outstretched arms, her face overshadowed by clouds” suggests that at first glance the school appears welcoming, a place where he will easily belong, however the use of the words “overshadowed by clouds” giving an ominous, foreboding tone. This predicts that Skrzynecki was doomed not to belong to the school.
Despite Skrzynecki’s mother’s hopes for her son that by sending him to a wealthy school he may eventually fit into a wealthy social class, Skrzynecki does not belong. This is because he chose not to belong from the moment he entered the school, he did not care. This can be shown through his actions, ‘I stuck pine needles into the motto of my breast’ which is ironic because the motto represents the core values of the school.
‘Mean girls’ is based on a 16 year old teenager called Cady, who has lived in Africa and been home schooled all her life. When her parents move to America, they enroll her in a mainstream school, Cady finds herself trying to fit in amongst jocks, mathletes and other subcultures. Her first day at school she is completely isolated, because she doesn’t know anyone and has no one to sit with at lunch. Fortunately for her she is saved by ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ who take her and show her about school life. Janice and Damian who refer them selves to ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ plan to get revenge on Regina (head of the plastics – most popular girls in school), as Janice has had a past with Regina. Cady is invited to join the ‘plastics’ and Janice takes this as an opportunity to get back at Regina.
Cady develops a crush on Regina’s ex-boyfriend, when Regina finds out, she pretends to like her ex and gets him back. This gets Cady mad, and so begins the plots of revenge. They give her nutrition bars which makes you gain weight, foot cream for her face and turned her plastics against her. In all of this commotion Cady’s manages to become head of the plastics, and takes Regina’s place, her-self identity disappears as she doesn’t realize she’s changed in order to fit in and feel like she belongs.
Cady realizes her mistake when she throws a party, while her parents are away, and forgets that she had prior arrangements with Janice. ‘You are cold, hard, shiny plastic!’ screams Janice as she confronts Cady. The movie’s climax is with Regina photo copying their ‘burn book’ (a book made by the plastics writing mean things about everyone) and throwing it all over the school. The principal orders everyone to the hall. Here everyone confronts each other. By the end of the movie Cady is back to being herself, Regina and the other plastics begin to lead a normal life, not as the plastics, ironic as it may seem, even though we see that their group of plastics broke up, we see another group of younger plastics begin.
‘Pinocchio’ is the story of a troubled lad searching for self- worth, self-esteem, and a sense of belonging. He is in desperate need of, and unconsciously seeking to fit in. Pinocchio is the creation of kindly woodcarver named Geppetto. As a toy puppet, he is subject to his maker. He is totally dependent on Geppetto, who makes him walk and dance by manipulating his strings. Geppetto truly wants a real boy, so one night he wishes ‘star light, star bright… I wish I may I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.’ The blue fair appears and grants Geppetto his wish. The blue is symbolic for divine intervention and represents the miracle of the gift of life.
Now Pinocchio has the freedom to move, but he is still made of wood. Pinocchio is told by the fairy you will only turn into a real boy when you prove yourself worthy. Pinocchio begins his journey toward independence full of enthusiasm, good intentions and confidence. He immediately falls in trouble, Pinocchio is driven by a strong need to fit in and be accepted. He is lead astray by mischievous friends.
‘school… why waste your time going to school… come with us… well make you a star.’ Lured by the instant acceptance, Pinocchio quickly forgets his original quest and makes way with his new friends, leading his way into circumstances he can’t control. When his actions lead him to being locked up, he begins to tell lies. We understand that his fibs are for positive change as he knows he has made a mistake.
At the end of the book we see Pinocchio as a real boy. His mistakes have lead him on the right path in the end. He doesn’t go astray just because he thinks he might feel accepted else were , he stays next to his father Geppetto.




thats pretty much the whole thing .. i kind of lagged off at the end.. i cant be bothered any more
 

runoutofsleep

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hahaha

you'd think

if you're going to plagiarise

you would at least pick something decent to copy

but i guess you're a bit dumb eh
 

Absolutezero

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Here's my analysis of your essay through constructive criticism:

Belonging is a basic human need, it would seem to be a natural thing. We belong to groups, clubs, societies, and most of us long to belong to something. Belonging to a group, club or even the larger world can provide opportunities and disappointments to individuals. ‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ and ‘St. Patrick’s college’, are two poems by Peter Skrzynecki which demonstrate this meaning of belonging. A related movie text is ‘mean girls’ directed by mark waters and a fiction book ‘Pinocchio’ by Walt Disney.


‘It would seem to be a natural thing’ is useless as a line unless you want to justify it. I provides the reader with nothing substantial. The same can be said for ‘groups, club, societies’. Instead of saying ‘demonstate the meaning of belonging’ explain what the meaning of belonging is (what it means to belong). Finally, which book are you actually using. The original pinnochio is not by Disney, so have you just been using the movie and claiming it’s a book? Or is it the childrens version? Either way, its not looking too great. Also, ‘fictional’ is a better term than ‘fiction’


‘Feliks Skrzynecki’ is an ode written about his father. He describes his father – ‘he liked gardening’, ‘hard worker’, ‘didn’t sleep much’. This demonstrates that his father did these things as a getaway, a way to escape into his old life, as he felt he didn’t belong where he is now. He reminisces with his friends about how he was forced 5 years of labour in Germany, and how he had lived life previously, farming etc ‘loved his garden like an only child’. This shows us how much he misses his earlier life.

There is no direct link between the quotes you’ve provided and the explanation you’ve given. Again, justify the quotes. Your second quote does this better, but you still need to explain it. How does gardening relate to his past experiences? This needs to be clearer.

This latter is amazingly put. ‘Stumbling over tenses in Caesar’s Gallic war, I forgot my first polish word.’ At thirteen he is struggling with Latin and forgets his first polish word. There is irony here as he learns a dead language no one speaks anymore, and starts to forget his native language, which is very much still alive. The author also calls up the feeling of the father still being very polish in a country not his own. ‘Did your father ever attempt to learn English?’ he never lost his native language and never even learnt English, while the author is drawn more to the country. Ironically, and this says a lot about the character of his father, it is not the author who is most happy, even though you would expect him to feel more at home. It is his father, ‘happy as I have never been’.

Your opening sentence is vague in terms of what it is addressing. It is hard to make the connection that it is the latter text you are referring to. Also, ‘amazing’ is personal opinion, and does not offer anything constructive in its relation to belonging. How does the irony of the dead language relate to belonging? Explain it. ‘Did your…. To the country’ needs a bit of editing in terms of syntax, but it is correct in what it assumes.


‘St Patrick’s College’ paints a portrait of Skrzynecki’s life at the school, it deals with belonging in relation to education, spirituality and faith. Skrzynecki’s mother was “impressed by the uniforms of her employer’s sons” suggesting that she hopes that by sending him to this school, he will eventually belong to their wealthy status and their country. The uniform is a metaphor implying a lack of individuality which allows the students to belong to the school.
The juxtaposition of “Our lady watched with outstretched arms, her face overshadowed by clouds” suggests that at first glance the school appears welcoming, a place where he will easily belong, however the use of the words “overshadowed by clouds” giving an ominous, foreboding tone. This predicts that Skrzynecki was doomed not to belong to the school. Despite Skrzynecki’s mother’s hopes for her son that by sending him to a wealthy school he may eventually fit into a wealthy social class, Skrzynecki does not belong. This is because he chose not to belong from the moment he entered the school, he did not care. This can be shown through his actions, ‘I stuck pine needles into the motto of my breast’ which is ironic because the motto represents the core values of the school.

Much better. There is a clear thesis and it is carried throughout the paragraph. Are the words ‘ominous, forboading tone’ your own work, because it sounds quitre familiar? Replace ‘use of the words “overshadowed by clouds” giving’ with ‘clouds give’ as you have already reference them in the quote. Also, the motto is not ironic. The motto, if anything, becomes a metaphor, or an allusion to the value doctrine of the school.

‘Mean girls’ is based on a 16 year old teenager called Cady, who has lived in Africa and been home schooled all her life. When her parents move to America, they enroll her in a mainstream school, Cady finds herself trying to fit in amongst jocks, mathletes and other subcultures. Her first day at school she is completely isolated, because she doesn’t know anyone and has no one to sit with at lunch. Fortunately for her she is saved by ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ who take her and show her about school life. Janice and Damian who refer them selves to ‘the greatest people you will ever know’ plan to get revenge on Regina (head of the plastics – most popular girls in school), as Janice has had a past with Regina. Cady is invited to join the ‘plastics’ and Janice takes this as an opportunity to get back at Regina.

You’ve doubled up on the ‘greatest people you will ever know’ which is unnecessary. Also, all the paragraph really does is explain the plot. How does the plan relate to belonging in the school community?

Cady develops a crush on Regina’s ex-boyfriend, when Regina finds out, she pretends to like her ex and gets him back. This gets Cady mad, and so begins the plots of revenge. They give her nutrition bars which makes you gain weight, foot cream for her face and turned her plastics against her. In all of this commotion Cady’s manages to become head of the plastics, and takes Regina’s place, her-self identity disappears as she doesn’t realize she’s changed in order to fit in and feel like she belongs.

Again, all you’ve really done is recount the plot. Focus more on your last sentence, because that is the only one of value in the paragraph.

Cady realizes her mistake when she throws a party, while her parents are away, and forgets that she had prior arrangements with Janice. ‘You are cold, hard, shiny plastic!’ screams Janice as she confronts Cady. The movie’s climax is with Regina photo copying their ‘burn book’ (a book made by the plastics writing mean things about everyone) and throwing it all over the school. The principal orders everyone to the hall. Here everyone confronts each other. By the end of the movie Cady is back to being herself, Regina and the other plastics begin to lead a normal life, not as the plastics, ironic as it may seem, even though we see that their group of plastics broke up, we see another group of younger plastics begin.

Still more plot. You haven’t really analysed the movie at all, just recounted it. Why are the plastics better of now than before? Has Cady fit in? What is the meaning behind the burn book, and the final confrontation? All these need to be addressed.


‘Pinocchio’ is the story of a troubled lad searching for self- worth, self-esteem, and a sense of belonging. He is in desperate need of, and unconsciously seeking to fit in. Pinocchio is the creation of kindly woodcarver named Geppetto. As a toy puppet, he is subject to his maker. He is totally dependent on Geppetto, who makes him walk and dance by manipulating his strings. Geppetto truly wants a real boy, so one night he wishes ‘star light, star bright… I wish I may I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.’ The blue fair appears and grants Geppetto his wish. The blue is symbolic for divine intervention and represents the miracle of the gift of life.

You need to make a link between Mean Girls and Pinnochio. You have provided no reasoning as the why you made the change of text. Also, once again, you have recounted the plot. What is the belonging issue you are trying to portray?

Now Pinocchio has the freedom to move, but he is still made of wood. Pinocchio is told by the fairy you will only turn into a real boy when you prove yourself worthy. Pinocchio begins his journey toward independence full of enthusiasm, good intentions and confidence. He immediately falls in trouble, Pinocchio is driven by a strong need to fit in and be accepted. He is lead astray by mischievous friends.
‘school… why waste your time going to school… come with us… well make you a star.’ Lured by the instant acceptance, Pinocchio quickly forgets his original quest and makes way with his new friends, leading his way into circumstances he can’t control. When his actions lead him to being locked up, he begins to tell lies. We understand that his fibs are for positive change as he knows he has made a mistake.

Your thesis ‘We understand that his fibs are for positive change as he knows he has made a mistake’ does not related to belonging. You need to create a relevant thesis for your texts. This ‘makes way with his new friends, leading his way into circumstances he can’t control’ and’ is driven by a strong need to fit in and be accepted. He is lead astray by mischievous friends’ are good. But you need much more of this sort of analysis.

At the end of the book we see Pinocchio as a real boy. His mistakes have lead him on the right path in the end. He doesn’t go astray just because he thinks he might feel accepted else were, he stays next to his father Geppetto.

Good. Just expand upon it. Also, you don’t have a conclusion. You need to summarise your thesis of all the texts.

Overall grade: 7/15
Student needs to make the distinction between recounting and critcally analysising. Gives occasional false evidence, or unjustified claims. Understanding of belonging is present, but limited by textual knowledge, and poor analysis of related material.
 
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Overall grade: 7/15
Student needs to make the distinction between recounting and critcally analysising. Gives occasional false evidence, or unjustified claims. Understanding of belonging is present, but limited by textual knowledge, and poor analysis of related material.
very well critiqued, but 7/15! that essay would be crucified at my school. It would be given 2-3/15. It's supposed to be an essay, you can't fill up space with plot.
 
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On an unrelated point, is the AOS paper worth 40% and the modules paper worth 60% in the HSC. Someone told me this and I've been trying to look it up, but haven't had any luck
 

Rachygurl

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too much recount, not enough analysis.... i had the same issue in my belonging essay in my trial exam. try to put more quotes in and analysis and tie in. but pretty good apart from that!!
 

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