Paying for first date???? (2 Viewers)

[enigma_1]

Oh woops is OP a girl?

 

[Queenroot]

It doesn't matter who pays but it would be nice if both of you offer to pay. I've paid for a few dates myself even though my boyfriend is strongly against it.

 

[seremify007]

I'd say it also depends on your individual circumstances and given this is a student forum, if you are both studying, the dynamics might be quite different. In my case I was always the one with the full time job (albeit back then I was only earning $100 a day) in which case that determines who pays - e.g. I'd pay movie tickets and the girl at the time had a part time waitress job and she paid for the popcorn, but I'd pay for dinner, etc..

Just be mindful that whilst first date is one thing, successive dates could lead to setting a trend/expectation!

 

[RivalryofTroll]

I think protocol should be whoever asks the other out on the date should pay.

Whoever asks the person out should pay.

You can be a gentleman and pay.

Tbh though you can shout friends anyway, so it's not really obvious.

There's no 'right way'.

Really depends on the girl.

1. Some girls expect the guy to pay:
- Cause they want the guy to be a gentleman/chivalrous.
- Shows that the guy cares.

2. Other girls prefer a 50/50 split:
- They don't want to feel as if they 'owe' you something.
- They prefer to be treated as equal (respected) and thus, the split.

3. ''Whoever asks the other out on the date should pay''.
- If the guy asks, then he should pay.
- If the girl asks, then she should pay. However, I think some girls who ask still expect the guy to pay or at least do a 50/50 split.

Ultimately, best to offer to pay first of all and decide from there.

After the first date, you guys can do 50/50 (there shouldn't be an expectation that you're going to pay for all the dates going forward) and depending on the circumstances, you guys could take turns paying for each other.

 

[OzKo]

I think protocol should be whoever asks the other out on the date should pay.

Or if you're going out for drinks, alternate buying rounds.

You really should get your act together and make sure she understands you have defined it as a 'date' though.

Basically agree with all of this for the whole 'first date(s)' thing.

I'd say it also depends on your individual circumstances and given this is a student forum, if you are both studying, the dynamics might be quite different. In my case I was always the one with the full time job (albeit back then I was only earning $100 a day) in which case that determines who pays - e.g. I'd pay movie tickets and the girl at the time had a part time waitress job and she paid for the popcorn, but I'd pay for dinner, etc..

Just be mindful that whilst first date is one thing, successive dates could lead to setting a trend/expectation!

And I agree with this approach for divvying up payments when in a relationship.

I generally use a rough income ratio to have a fair idea of how a typical night might be paid for.

 

[strawberrye]

Basically agree with all of this for the whole 'first date(s)' thing.



And I agree with this approach for divvying up payments when in a relationship.

I generally use a rough income ratio to have a fair idea of how a typical night might be paid for.

So would that mean if the girl earns more than the boy by a substantial amount, then the girl would pay? However, wouldn't there be a concern that when the boy earns more, because of the trend that the girl is used to paying more, that the boy might expect the girl to continue do so?

 

[seremify007]

So would that mean if the girl earns more than the boy by a substantial amount, then the girl would pay? However, wouldn't there be a concern that when the boy earns more, because of the trend that the girl is used to paying more, that the boy might expect the girl to continue do so?

Then that's an awkward situation to be in and hence why these new social rules need to be developed

I think if you really do want to try to make it 'fairer', rather than trying to split it dollar for dollar, what I've seen work is to just take turns. At the end of the day it's not a business transaction where one of you needs to get >50% to make it a 'win', but rather, just let it come naturally. This obviously assumes she has some capacity to contribute but even if it's just to pay for the popcorn or an ice cream after a nice dinner, it will make both sides feel like they're contributing.

That all being said, I have a bad habit of paying for nearly everything even when I started dating someone who was on an income nearly as much as me.

 

[OzKo]

So would that mean if the girl earns more than the boy by a substantial amount, then the girl would pay? However, wouldn't there be a concern that when the boy earns more, because of the trend that the girl is used to paying more, that the boy might expect the girl to continue do so?

Wouldn't happen if the boy had a soul and wasn't a dick.

 

[Blue Suede]

So would that mean if the girl earns more than the boy by a substantial amount, then the girl would pay? However, wouldn't there be a concern that when the boy earns more, because of the trend that the girl is used to paying more, that the boy might expect the girl to continue do so?

This type of change in circumstances would probably most likely happen over time so I'd suggest keeping it as an open conversation between the two in the relationship. By theory, if you're reaching the point of it being a relationship rather than just dating, you should be able to communicate with each other.

Now someone is probably going to respond and say 'but what if he gets a new job after the first date and it pays all the ca$h dolla$?' Well then I'd suggest she buys first round to celebrate, then he can buy the first round when he gets his first paycheck.

 

[enoilgam]

I always offer to pay, but I guess that's upbringing. In 2015, usually it ends up being split.

 

[strawberrye]

This type of change in circumstances would probably most likely happen over time so I'd suggest keeping it as an open conversation between the two in the relationship. By theory, if you're reaching the point of it being a relationship rather than just dating, you should be able to communicate with each other.

Now someone is probably going to respond and say 'but what if he gets a new job after the first date and it pays all the ca$h dolla$?' Well then I'd suggest she buys first round to celebrate, then he can buy the first round when he gets his first paycheck.

This is all very well-a small problem is though-how does one even start a conversation on this topic? Like how to start it without making it sound incredibly awkward?

 

[Shadowdude]

This is all very well-a small problem is though-how does one even start a conversation on this topic? Like how to start it without making it sound incredibly awkward?

"hey bby let's talk about..."

 

[Blue Suede]

This is all very well-a small problem is though-how does one even start a conversation on this topic? Like how to start it without making it sound incredibly awkward?

Hey, you know how I think it's awesome you got that awesome pay rise you totally deserved at the work the other week? Well I've been under a little financial strain lately, what with saving up for BLAH, do you think we could take turns paying for dinner?

Then if they offer to pay more than just taking turns, that's all good, but if they don't, then at least you're splitting the costs and it's not as though you've put an expectation on them to pay all the time. If they go 'yeah nah we're in a trend of you buying now' or something equally bullshittery, then maybe they're not the person you want to be with long-term.

 

[enigma_1]

Splitting bills on dates must get annoying af. Taking turns in paying is probably a good way to about.
Splitting the bill is rlly what you do with friends imo.

 

[enigma_1]

There's no 'right way'.

Really depends on the girl.

1. Some girls expect the guy to pay:
- Cause they want the guy to be a gentleman/chivalrous.
- Shows that the guy cares.

2. Other girls prefer a 50/50 split:
- They don't want to feel as if they 'owe' you something.
- They prefer to be treated as equal (respected) and thus, the split.

3. ''Whoever asks the other out on the date should pay''.
- If the guy asks, then he should pay.
- If the girl asks, then she should pay. However, I think some girls who ask still expect the guy to pay or at least do a 50/50 split.

Ultimately, best to offer to pay first of all and decide from there.

After the first date, you guys can do 50/50 (there shouldn't be an expectation that you're going to pay for all the dates going forward) and depending on the circumstances, you guys could take turns paying for each other.

Yeah absolutely and petty things like this could cause misunderstandings, so I agree it's best for both people to offer and see how it goes.

 

[enoilgam]

Hey, you know how I think it's awesome you got that awesome pay rise you totally deserved at the work the other week? Well I've been under a little financial strain lately, what with saving up for BLAH, do you think we could take turns paying for dinner?

Never in a million years would I have the hide to say something like this - NEVER.

 

[seremify007]

Never in a million years would I have the hide to say something like this - NEVER.

I too think I have too much pride

But back on to the topic though, a first date is essentially a courting act right? It's one person trying to impress upon another that they should be with them and hence you want to do whatever you can to leave a good impression on the other person. Similarly, being asked out on a date I would anticipate that as you are expecting to be wooed or impressed in some way whether it requires money or not. It's important to differentiate between the initial act of courting (yes so old school to use this word) and an ongoing sustainable relationship.

There have been many men who never transitioned and didn't have the wallets to back it up, and fortunately or unfortunately, in some of those cases, it didn't work out.

 

[Blue Suede]

Never in a million years would I have the hide to say something like this - NEVER.

Ok maybe I'm a different type of person to you.

My work situation is changing next semester and I won't have as much spare cash as I do now (the bf and I take turns paying, though he often shouts extra drinks). I brought this up with him a few weeks back and suggested we eat in more next sem because I won't have the same cash flow. I can cook well and he's all good with that. I think my words were along the lines of 'Hey BLAH, just wanted a quick chat about next semester. I'll be going down to three days a week at work while I finish off my thesis. Would you mind if we ate in a little more instead of going out all the time? Promise to make my tuna mornay again.' And he was fine with it. But also, he loves me. So he'd probably be ok with most things I suggest.

all I can say to people is COMMUNICATION.

 

[Squar3root]

It doesn't matter who pays but it would be nice if both of you offer to pay. I've paid for a few dates myself even though my boyfriend is strongly against it.

yes against it

I pay for stuff because I don't mind paying for stuff I care for

 

[Queenroot]

yes against it

I pay for stuff because I don't mind paying for stuff I care for

Just let me pay ffs