Hey guys, i have written a creative story which i plan on using in my HSC (2020), and i was wondering if you guys could give me some feedback? Thanks in advance 
Life used to be normal, waking up and going for a walk outside, the fresh cold breeze would blow across your face as the sunlight glistened on the morning dew. But now it’s just a dull world, an oppressed society where one wrong move will determine your fate. Sometimes I think to myself, is it worth continuing to live?
Under the streetlights stood guards in all black holding their rifles, ready to place the bullets into the skull of anyone that decided to find a way out. With cameras and guards on every street, it was difficult to escape this place that we are supposed to call home. One guard leaned against the streetlight as his head jerked, waiting to go back to the warmth of his home. He breathed into his hands to keep them warm and the vapor would vanish into the dark.
The government divided the country into three posts. Each post was a representation of the individual, there were the servants, headmen and the insurgents. I was a part of the servants, a society of working-class people who were the governments sheep.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
The whining of the alarm clock at 6:30 am took me out of my sleep, every second was infuriating as I struggled to reach for the snooze button. I sat up against the wall staring at the holes in the roof, while splinters ripped into my shirt. I got up, walked to the bathroom and stood still, staring deeply into the mirror. My face pale and emotionless like the walls I was surrounded by. I left the bathroom and grabbed my once vibrant green jacket, put on my beanie and left for work. Our post was the most important as we provided everything to the rest of the country, meat, clothes, salt, everything you see around you was made by us. This wasn’t the life I wanted to live. As cliché as it may sound, I always wanted to travel the world, but this couldn’t be possible if I continued to live the way I did. I knew what I needed to do, but I wasn’t sure if the risk of dying was worth it.
After coming back from work, thoughts were running through my head as if it were an Olympic race, and at that moment I decided to get up and leave. I packed my backpack with all my clothes, and carefully walked through the alleyways, to avoid being seen. I waited as each guard walked around and then ran to the next alley where I would hide until it was safe to move.
Now I live on the outskirts of the city in the forest. Looking back, I was glad to have taken the risks to make myself happier and not just live a robotic life. Waking up in the early morning, the sunlight breaks the canopy, creating a golden glow. The cool breeze carries the sweet fragrance of the sap through the forest, creating warmth and comfort. The orange leaves that littered the ground crunched under each step, reminding me of all the rubbish in the city.
But as the sun disappeared behind the trees and the sky illuminated in shades of orange and red, life was about to begin. The forest was the host of the black market which thrived, briberies constantly happened as well the illegal movement of people between posts, who wanted a better life just like me. This was risky because the government had his guards in all black patrolling the forest as well, making it harder for new escapees. I sat high in the trees like a hawk, tracing their every move and watching the guards carefully so that I wouldn’t be seen.
But tonight would be different as I soon found out. While laying down, I heard the leaves crunch and looked around to see beams of lights becoming brighter every second. I bolted, all my knowledge disappeared just like I did a couple of months ago. The ground was wet and I was sliding all over the place, while my lungs were begging for more air.
Stop! Yelled someone in the distance.
I looked to see who had yelled and it was the guards, only visible by their flashlights. While running, my shoelaces became tangled with the roots in the ground and I fell down the hill, rolling down like I was a dead body that had been tossed away. This was it. I was surrounded and had nowhere to go.
My legs were held in the air as my back was being rubbed along the ground. All the light faded away, and the silence was interrupted by the crackling engine of a car. I was sliding around in the back of the car as if I were on an ice rink. The sliding stopped and it went dead quiet, the door opened and in front of me was HQ. When I walked up and knocked on the door, I was greeted by a light which would have all my hopes and dreams in it. As I walked further into the hallway, the light began to disappear, and so did my hopes for the future.
Life used to be normal, waking up and going for a walk outside, the fresh cold breeze would blow across your face as the sunlight glistened on the morning dew. But now it’s just a dull world, an oppressed society where one wrong move will determine your fate. Sometimes I think to myself, is it worth continuing to live?
Under the streetlights stood guards in all black holding their rifles, ready to place the bullets into the skull of anyone that decided to find a way out. With cameras and guards on every street, it was difficult to escape this place that we are supposed to call home. One guard leaned against the streetlight as his head jerked, waiting to go back to the warmth of his home. He breathed into his hands to keep them warm and the vapor would vanish into the dark.
The government divided the country into three posts. Each post was a representation of the individual, there were the servants, headmen and the insurgents. I was a part of the servants, a society of working-class people who were the governments sheep.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
The whining of the alarm clock at 6:30 am took me out of my sleep, every second was infuriating as I struggled to reach for the snooze button. I sat up against the wall staring at the holes in the roof, while splinters ripped into my shirt. I got up, walked to the bathroom and stood still, staring deeply into the mirror. My face pale and emotionless like the walls I was surrounded by. I left the bathroom and grabbed my once vibrant green jacket, put on my beanie and left for work. Our post was the most important as we provided everything to the rest of the country, meat, clothes, salt, everything you see around you was made by us. This wasn’t the life I wanted to live. As cliché as it may sound, I always wanted to travel the world, but this couldn’t be possible if I continued to live the way I did. I knew what I needed to do, but I wasn’t sure if the risk of dying was worth it.
After coming back from work, thoughts were running through my head as if it were an Olympic race, and at that moment I decided to get up and leave. I packed my backpack with all my clothes, and carefully walked through the alleyways, to avoid being seen. I waited as each guard walked around and then ran to the next alley where I would hide until it was safe to move.
Now I live on the outskirts of the city in the forest. Looking back, I was glad to have taken the risks to make myself happier and not just live a robotic life. Waking up in the early morning, the sunlight breaks the canopy, creating a golden glow. The cool breeze carries the sweet fragrance of the sap through the forest, creating warmth and comfort. The orange leaves that littered the ground crunched under each step, reminding me of all the rubbish in the city.
But as the sun disappeared behind the trees and the sky illuminated in shades of orange and red, life was about to begin. The forest was the host of the black market which thrived, briberies constantly happened as well the illegal movement of people between posts, who wanted a better life just like me. This was risky because the government had his guards in all black patrolling the forest as well, making it harder for new escapees. I sat high in the trees like a hawk, tracing their every move and watching the guards carefully so that I wouldn’t be seen.
But tonight would be different as I soon found out. While laying down, I heard the leaves crunch and looked around to see beams of lights becoming brighter every second. I bolted, all my knowledge disappeared just like I did a couple of months ago. The ground was wet and I was sliding all over the place, while my lungs were begging for more air.
Stop! Yelled someone in the distance.
I looked to see who had yelled and it was the guards, only visible by their flashlights. While running, my shoelaces became tangled with the roots in the ground and I fell down the hill, rolling down like I was a dead body that had been tossed away. This was it. I was surrounded and had nowhere to go.
My legs were held in the air as my back was being rubbed along the ground. All the light faded away, and the silence was interrupted by the crackling engine of a car. I was sliding around in the back of the car as if I were on an ice rink. The sliding stopped and it went dead quiet, the door opened and in front of me was HQ. When I walked up and knocked on the door, I was greeted by a light which would have all my hopes and dreams in it. As I walked further into the hallway, the light began to disappear, and so did my hopes for the future.
