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can't do this anymore. exhausted. need to vent so bad. (1 Viewer)

geek_girl

New Member
Joined
Jul 31, 2023
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13
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Female
HSC
2023
Warning: This will likely be a long vent post. Click out if you are not in the mood to read a very long post.

don't even know where to begin, honestly. I guess ill just begin from the start of the year. After ploughing through Year 11 on a continual stream of bad-average marks(mostly owing to my really BAD case of procrastination), I started Y12 last Oct with really high hopes. I would beat my procrastination, study hard, make a plan, and ace every subject, even Maths, which is my worst subject of the lot. Term 4: came and went. Along with it came marks, and suffice it to say, they were not what I expected. I barely got a 55 in English, somehow managed a 69 in Maths(as it was a research task instead of a test), got a 40 in bio, failed in business...the list goes on. I was put down in the dumps, but I recovered. Alright, I wasn't going to let one failure get the better of me. There were still THREE terms left to prove myself. I relaxed and kicked back in the summer holidays. School began, and with it, Term 1 of the new year. Full of fresh determination, I found out we were to take our first exam block in year 12 during the last few weeks of the term. I took it fairly easy(meh, theres still plenty of time) until Week 5. Then I slogged. Feverishly rifled through my textbooks, fixed my eyes on the computer screen until they burned and worked myself crazy till the end of the exam block. Results came. Again, a just pass in Geo and Business, fail in English and Maths, 59 in SDD and 55 in bio. My heart fell into my shoes. Again, I steeled my resolve. There was next term. Term 2. It would be transformation term. Term 2 began. Assessments were dealt out one after the other starting from the third to the eight week. I worked my head off like a maniac, studying, studying, studying, typing away. Around the fifth week, I was hit with the realisation that Trials were in barely 7 weeks. I ignored it, directing my complete focus onto my assignments. Late nights and early mornings became a norm. Finally, Week 10 arrived, and with it, the enormous relief of finally being rid of the workload of the term. Got the results back, morale was again shot down by 43 in Maths, 45 in English, 40-something in Business. On the other hand, however, I got a 75 in bio(which to some people ig would still fall below expectations, but to me, was a good result), a 90 in SDD and a grand score of 18/20 in Geo. This being a real morale booster, I alternated between relaxing and study during the first week of holidays before Trials. Same with week 2. Now at the beginning of term 3, I was horrified to realise there were only 2 weeks left. The last 2 weeks seemed to fly in a frenzy of crazy study as I desperately tried to learn a years worth of content in a few short weeks. This would be gruelling for the average person; however for me, with an extremely poor memory(barely able to remember what I studied yesterday) you can only imagine what it was. Now the exam block has begun, Paper 1 of english is over and I sit at my laptop, venting at this post at a time I am trying to cram quotes, analysis and themes in my head for Paper 2. I managed to remember most of my quotes and stuff in Paper 1, but as there are two essays in paper 2 plus mod c, I feel i am doomed. I can't take this. I just know im going to blank out in the exam as i always do from anxiety leading to me inevitably bombing it. I feel like i can't do this anymore. I am completely unmotivated and exhausted and am sick of Y12, especially the dumb requirement of an ATAR to enter uni. (and yes, i know there are other ways to enter uni, but i haven't really read into them, and not getting a good atar is just going to make me look bad in front of others in my high ranking school.) My head hurts every single day. I am bone-deep tired and just want to collapse into my bed, huddle under the sheets and bask in its comforting darkness till the end of the year.

If anyone has any tips at all about my situation(assuming you've even bothered reading this far) it would be greatly appreciated.
 

synthesisFR

afterhscivemostlybeentrollingdonttakeitsrsly
Joined
Oct 28, 2022
Messages
3,329
Location
Getting deported
Gender
Female
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2028
Warning: This will likely be a long vent post. Click out if you are not in the mood to read a very long post.

don't even know where to begin, honestly. I guess ill just begin from the start of the year. After ploughing through Year 11 on a continual stream of bad-average marks(mostly owing to my really BAD case of procrastination), I started Y12 last Oct with really high hopes. I would beat my procrastination, study hard, make a plan, and ace every subject, even Maths, which is my worst subject of the lot. Term 4: came and went. Along with it came marks, and suffice it to say, they were not what I expected. I barely got a 55 in English, somehow managed a 69 in Maths(as it was a research task instead of a test), got a 40 in bio, failed in business...the list goes on. I was put down in the dumps, but I recovered. Alright, I wasn't going to let one failure get the better of me. There were still THREE terms left to prove myself. I relaxed and kicked back in the summer holidays. School began, and with it, Term 1 of the new year. Full of fresh determination, I found out we were to take our first exam block in year 12 during the last few weeks of the term. I took it fairly easy(meh, theres still plenty of time) until Week 5. Then I slogged. Feverishly rifled through my textbooks, fixed my eyes on the computer screen until they burned and worked myself crazy till the end of the exam block. Results came. Again, a just pass in Geo and Business, fail in English and Maths, 59 in SDD and 55 in bio. My heart fell into my shoes. Again, I steeled my resolve. There was next term. Term 2. It would be transformation term. Term 2 began. Assessments were dealt out one after the other starting from the third to the eight week. I worked my head off like a maniac, studying, studying, studying, typing away. Around the fifth week, I was hit with the realisation that Trials were in barely 7 weeks. I ignored it, directing my complete focus onto my assignments. Late nights and early mornings became a norm. Finally, Week 10 arrived, and with it, the enormous relief of finally being rid of the workload of the term. Got the results back, morale was again shot down by 43 in Maths, 45 in English, 40-something in Business. On the other hand, however, I got a 75 in bio(which to some people ig would still fall below expectations, but to me, was a good result), a 90 in SDD and a grand score of 18/20 in Geo. This being a real morale booster, I alternated between relaxing and study during the first week of holidays before Trials. Same with week 2. Now at the beginning of term 3, I was horrified to realise there were only 2 weeks left. The last 2 weeks seemed to fly in a frenzy of crazy study as I desperately tried to learn a years worth of content in a few short weeks. This would be gruelling for the average person; however for me, with an extremely poor memory(barely able to remember what I studied yesterday) you can only imagine what it was. Now the exam block has begun, Paper 1 of english is over and I sit at my laptop, venting at this post at a time I am trying to cram quotes, analysis and themes in my head for Paper 2. I managed to remember most of my quotes and stuff in Paper 1, but as there are two essays in paper 2 plus mod c, I feel i am doomed. I can't take this. I just know im going to blank out in the exam as i always do from anxiety leading to me inevitably bombing it. I feel like i can't do this anymore. I am completely unmotivated and exhausted and am sick of Y12, especially the dumb requirement of an ATAR to enter uni. (and yes, i know there are other ways to enter uni, but i haven't really read into them, and not getting a good atar is just going to make me look bad in front of others in my high ranking school.) My head hurts every single day. I am bone-deep tired and just want to collapse into my bed, huddle under the sheets and bask in its comforting darkness till the end of the year.

If anyone has any tips at all about my situation(assuming you've even bothered reading this far) it would be greatly appreciated.
yeah im sorry ur going through this
If you ever need any sort of mental support feel free to dm me and we can discuss!
 

random93810938

New Member
Joined
Jul 26, 2023
Messages
28
Location
Eshay Sanctuary
Gender
Male
HSC
2023
Warning: This will likely be a long vent post. Click out if you are not in the mood to read a very long post.

don't even know where to begin, honestly. I guess ill just begin from the start of the year. After ploughing through Year 11 on a continual stream of bad-average marks(mostly owing to my really BAD case of procrastination), I started Y12 last Oct with really high hopes. I would beat my procrastination, study hard, make a plan, and ace every subject, even Maths, which is my worst subject of the lot. Term 4: came and went. Along with it came marks, and suffice it to say, they were not what I expected. I barely got a 55 in English, somehow managed a 69 in Maths(as it was a research task instead of a test), got a 40 in bio, failed in business...the list goes on. I was put down in the dumps, but I recovered. Alright, I wasn't going to let one failure get the better of me. There were still THREE terms left to prove myself. I relaxed and kicked back in the summer holidays. School began, and with it, Term 1 of the new year. Full of fresh determination, I found out we were to take our first exam block in year 12 during the last few weeks of the term. I took it fairly easy(meh, theres still plenty of time) until Week 5. Then I slogged. Feverishly rifled through my textbooks, fixed my eyes on the computer screen until they burned and worked myself crazy till the end of the exam block. Results came. Again, a just pass in Geo and Business, fail in English and Maths, 59 in SDD and 55 in bio. My heart fell into my shoes. Again, I steeled my resolve. There was next term. Term 2. It would be transformation term. Term 2 began. Assessments were dealt out one after the other starting from the third to the eight week. I worked my head off like a maniac, studying, studying, studying, typing away. Around the fifth week, I was hit with the realisation that Trials were in barely 7 weeks. I ignored it, directing my complete focus onto my assignments. Late nights and early mornings became a norm. Finally, Week 10 arrived, and with it, the enormous relief of finally being rid of the workload of the term. Got the results back, morale was again shot down by 43 in Maths, 45 in English, 40-something in Business. On the other hand, however, I got a 75 in bio(which to some people ig would still fall below expectations, but to me, was a good result), a 90 in SDD and a grand score of 18/20 in Geo. This being a real morale booster, I alternated between relaxing and study during the first week of holidays before Trials. Same with week 2. Now at the beginning of term 3, I was horrified to realise there were only 2 weeks left. The last 2 weeks seemed to fly in a frenzy of crazy study as I desperately tried to learn a years worth of content in a few short weeks. This would be gruelling for the average person; however for me, with an extremely poor memory(barely able to remember what I studied yesterday) you can only imagine what it was. Now the exam block has begun, Paper 1 of english is over and I sit at my laptop, venting at this post at a time I am trying to cram quotes, analysis and themes in my head for Paper 2. I managed to remember most of my quotes and stuff in Paper 1, but as there are two essays in paper 2 plus mod c, I feel i am doomed. I can't take this. I just know im going to blank out in the exam as i always do from anxiety leading to me inevitably bombing it. I feel like i can't do this anymore. I am completely unmotivated and exhausted and am sick of Y12, especially the dumb requirement of an ATAR to enter uni. (and yes, i know there are other ways to enter uni, but i haven't really read into them, and not getting a good atar is just going to make me look bad in front of others in my high ranking school.) My head hurts every single day. I am bone-deep tired and just want to collapse into my bed, huddle under the sheets and bask in its comforting darkness till the end of the year.

If anyone has any tips at all about my situation(assuming you've even bothered reading this far) it would be greatly appreciated.
Maybe your "procrastination" and "feeling exhausted" isn't actually laziness but can actually be from underlying mental conditions and burnout. In year 12, usually even the extremely apathetic students seem to have developed motivation which is why I'm suspecting this. People who do well and consistently study are usually sustained by their motivation which usually comes from the studies of year 12, the way I see it is that without it you can't do much no matter how hard you try. Perhaps you have the feeling of really wanting good grades and to be able to study, where you are "trying to put in effort" but you are so unmotivated that you end up with little study despite your immense desire of actually studying? If so it would likely be burnout and other mental stuff. Seems like your mental health right now is at a really bad place so look after your mental health and know that you being unable to study isn't your fault and it's not in your control. Seeing a psychologist can help.

There are also many other ways of going to uni. You can transfer to different degrees and the worst thing that can happen is that you repeat a year, but please fix your mental health first though. I'm not 100 that it is mental health but from what you say it seems like it, doesn't hurt to ask a school officer or something for help coz maybe they know.
 

nsw..wollongong

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i completely understand. if it makes u feel any better, ur def not the only one going thru this. as long as u keep trying ur hardest, ull be satisfied that u at least did ur best rather than thinking; 'oh if only i didn't waste time yesterday' or something. do whatever u can to pull urself up right now, so u have no regrets. to me, it made me feel more accomplished rather than looming over 'what ifs'
 

carrotsss

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Adding onto what other people said, once trials are over make sure you apply for every possible early entry program! Early entry is really generous, and you can most likely safely get into any uni other than usyd or unsw, which would reduce the importance of your ATAR a lot
 

random93810938

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Adding onto what other people said, once trials are over make sure you apply for every possible early entry program! Early entry is really generous, and you can most likely safely get into any uni other than usyd or unsw, which would reduce the importance of your ATAR a lot
From what other people say usyd, unsw early admission is pretty easy to get into but only if you are disadvantaged otherwise you can't apply.
 

nsw..wollongong

dentista 😍🫶
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charles sturt, macquarie and uow are also pretty easy to get into for early entry (esp Charles sturt bc they have multiple rounds)
 

carrotsss

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From what other people say usyd, unsw early admission is pretty easy to get into but only if you are disadvantaged otherwise you can't apply.
Yeah but they go to a high ranking school so they are probably not considered disadvantaged
 

geek_girl

New Member
Joined
Jul 31, 2023
Messages
13
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Maybe your "procrastination" and "feeling exhausted" isn't actually laziness but can actually be from underlying mental conditions and burnout. In year 12, usually even the extremely apathetic students seem to have developed motivation which is why I'm suspecting this. People who do well and consistently study are usually sustained by their motivation which usually comes from the studies of year 12, the way I see it is that without it you can't do much no matter how hard you try. Perhaps you have the feeling of really wanting good grades and to be able to study, where you are "trying to put in effort" but you are so unmotivated that you end up with little study despite your immense desire of actually studying? If so it would likely be burnout and other mental stuff. Seems like your mental health right now is at a really bad place so look after your mental health and know that you being unable to study isn't your fault and it's not in your control. Seeing a psychologist can help.

There are also many other ways of going to uni. You can transfer to different degrees and the worst thing that can happen is that you repeat a year, but please fix your mental health first though. I'm not 100 that it is mental health but from what you say it seems like it, doesn't hurt to ask a school officer or something for help coz maybe they know.
thanks for the encouraging reply. yeah, ur probs right, i am burning out ig. but in terms of mental health i think im fine, except for the extreme stress and pressure ofc. but i did take one bit of your advice and have started looking up other ways of going to uni and its heartening to see the pathways available and stuff, even if i dont really want to because it ll just make me look bad compared to my classmates so yeah, but thanks anyway.
 

geek_girl

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i completely understand. if it makes u feel any better, ur def not the only one going thru this. as long as u keep trying ur hardest, ull be satisfied that u at least did ur best rather than thinking; 'oh if only i didn't waste time yesterday' or something. do whatever u can to pull urself up right now, so u have no regrets. to me, it made me feel more accomplished rather than looming over 'what ifs'
yeah thanks it helps to know others are going through this too and ofc will keep trying my hardest till the end of the year, if not for results, for atleast my intrinsic satisfaction ig :/
 

geek_girl

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2023
Adding onto what other people said, once trials are over make sure you apply for every possible early entry program! Early entry is really generous, and you can most likely safely get into any uni other than usyd or unsw, which would reduce the importance of your ATAR a lot
thanks but like i said before my year 11 results are also only average, so idk if the unis will give me early entry either
tho if u know any unis with any other pathways, could u let me know??
 

geek_girl

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charles sturt, macquarie and uow are also pretty easy to get into for early entry (esp Charles sturt bc they have multiple rounds)
oh i dint know that i thought macquarie was hard to get into but will do my research anyway
 

geek_girl

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A huge thanks to everyone who took their time to read my post and reply afterward. It really means a lot to me. I'll try all the options y'all said and try to push through this for the hsc so i can hopefully nail that band 6 for the final exams
 

carrotsss

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thanks but like i said before my year 11 results are also only average, so idk if the unis will give me early entry either
tho if u know any unis with any other pathways, could u let me know??
most unis accept virtually everyone for early entry, give it a go even if you’re not sure you’ll get in
 

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