Bored Of Studies

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This is the only way to live life.
To have a dream, and be relentless, certain, but calm in the stillness of it all.

Being successful does not mean to ‘have a good life’, good should be the minimum state.
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If you want to feel your best, every single day, then you need to stop thinking about yourself, and know what it is that you exist to fight for.
You are your dream.
If you have no dream, instead of living life, you will be slowly dying.
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I know what I want to become, and what I want to have, but those are symptoms of have a dream, they are not the dream itself.
After all, once you have everything, you also have nothing.
However, when you have a dream, following a belief, a righteous act towards what you KNOW what genuinely matters.
That ultimate goal, that purpose, that vision, that ideal… that is timeless.
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I do not have such a dream yet, but I do know what symptoms I want for such a ‘handcrafted grand scheme’ would be like.
For others, it may be fame, fortune, romance, security, certainty, or anything else that we’ve all heard of before, but haven’t bothered to think about the feelings that come along with such decisions.
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However, for me, I want power.
With power to rule this world, power to change this world, power to extend our physical experiences amongst the stars… but again, even though I bother to think about the feelings that come along with such a decision as striving for power, because I still haven’t figured out what my dream is, my sensitivity towards it is lacking.
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That is all I need, a dream.
A set dream with absolutely certainty, unwavering stillness, and then I can take over the world in the name of it.
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I once had a dream actually.
It was to show this world that I was someone who mattered. My self respect was unmatched, and I dignified myself on my presentness and sensitivity to reality and it’s possibilities.
Everywhere I looked, and even now, people do the same things again and again, lacking consciousness.
A constant repetition of compulsions and habits.
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But as time went on, my definition of normal was everyone else’s crazy, and I started doubting myself, wondering if there was just something wrong with me instead.
After all, I’d they’re all doing it all the time, it must be for a good reason, right?

I couldn’t have arrived at a worse conclusion.
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No one is living their lives, they are just dying slowly. And because I just assumed that everyone else was also sensitive, but didn’t think as much as I did, which lead to making bad decisions, I ended up becoming ‘normal’, and realised just how hellish every unconscious life is.
It’s my childhood’s worst nightmare, acceptance of the limited. A cynical ‘adult’.
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I constantly tried to go back to the way things were inside of me these past 5 years, but I only made more and more complicated and tangled habits without me even realising.
And the more time I survived without a dream, the less I felt alive.
I have now reached a point where I know exactly what the solution towards sensitivity is, experience of the profound.
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Profound event, profound realisation, profound daydream even.
If it’s something that makes you bow down to the glory of its potential, whether that may be the creator or the desire to become the main character, it has something to it that is graceful in nature.
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