Kutay
University
Hey i was wondering if someone could have a look at my response to this part and maybe add suggestions on what to do to improve..
thankyou
thankyou
2004 Section 2 (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Kutay
- Start date
Hey Kutay..
Not sure if you want me to be over picky, but here's a few pointers (ill be over picky if you want tho..)
1. In the introduction remember the focus is religious traditions not variants/denominations so i'd probably change Catholicism and Orthodox Judaism to just Christianity and Judaism (if you've been told to do this tho then fine).. This seems to be continuing throughout your essay.. To get top marks, you need to talk about the religious tradition (Christianity or Judaism) then give a discussion of the variants or denominations (Catholicism or Orthodox)
2. Define what transubstantiation is, don't just state it
3. Focus more on the impact on the everyday life of believers
4. QUOTES!!!! Once again you can't get in the top band without quotes
5. It's probably a bit short.. aim to write a writing booklet for each essay, or 4.5-5 A4 pages
Hope that this helps.. I'll mark more essay's for you if you want (not trying to boast or sound up myself) and be more picky..
Not sure if you want me to be over picky, but here's a few pointers (ill be over picky if you want tho..)
1. In the introduction remember the focus is religious traditions not variants/denominations so i'd probably change Catholicism and Orthodox Judaism to just Christianity and Judaism (if you've been told to do this tho then fine).. This seems to be continuing throughout your essay.. To get top marks, you need to talk about the religious tradition (Christianity or Judaism) then give a discussion of the variants or denominations (Catholicism or Orthodox)
2. Define what transubstantiation is, don't just state it
3. Focus more on the impact on the everyday life of believers
4. QUOTES!!!! Once again you can't get in the top band without quotes
5. It's probably a bit short.. aim to write a writing booklet for each essay, or 4.5-5 A4 pages
Hope that this helps.. I'll mark more essay's for you if you want (not trying to boast or sound up myself) and be more picky..
Kutay
University
Hey yeh i know i am not confident with this rite of public wordhip..... i prepared my rite of passage one and i have done a lot of what you have said... however go on msn tommoz night so can ask some questions
DanielleM
Member
Kutay thats a lil short mate...
Take the advice Jess said...she aced her trials
Take the advice Jess said...she aced her trials