Thanx leftrightout
I have not the slightest fucking clue why I said HEX. I'm pretty fucked in the head right now. *stops swearing*
I've actually moved out before. The only thing that seemed to bother me was my unemployment at THAT time, my guilt for leaving and the ongoing calls my parents gave me like "you have disappointed us, you have broken our family, our tradition, you are not a true asian, you're a terrible daughter, and we disown you" kind of stuff. It was traumatic and an it was continous cutting into my emotional stability etc. I dunno why I said cutting, but it seemed the appropriate word.
They took me back under conditions that were grudgingly promised by both parties. I get to have a boyfriend, I get to go to the formal in year 12, I get to choose WHAT UNI and WHAT COURSE i want, and I get to go out. I promised to take over chores entirely - dogs, dishwashing, washing clothes, just a whole bunch of chores which seemed reasonable you know? Do your chores first before you go out, that sounds about right.
Things tightened up. They became slowly and gradually ridiculous eg: telling me I could only go out for three hours if it was a movie. No lord of the rings type films here, and travelling gets tight. They snob my boyfriend, who researches my culture, and what COULD be my culture, and every time he comes by just to talk to me, he brings a pricey present for my parents, who not only disregard the present and end up putting it aside in storage, but disregard him when he says "hi" etc. They find the FORMAL as totally ridiculous, and they pulled me away at graduation night after I got my certificate, and they blast at me if i'm a few minutes late from their ridiculous curfew. I know some have it much worse than me
For a while I needed to fight for my love for music etc so I can pursue it at the conservatorium of music. But that's slowly dying down because I have fought for this as my first priority this year. (And rightly so, don't you think?)
They also consider me as the bad kid, and I say this because I overheard my parents saying to my little brother that "your sister is only doing music because she knows she wont get 90. She's not intelligent, you need to make us proud."
Which cut. I've written somewhere in this forum before, and I know it sounds sad but I tell it to people, because I genuinely don't know what to do. I get immense pressure from people to move out, and I don't want to go through that shit experience again when they call me up, or my consistant guilt etc. I'm really lost and I don't know what the fuck to do.
