am i disrespectful? (1 Viewer)

[ellirene]

okay this topic proably shouldnt be here but im in a hurry and need advice asap!

well, i work with these two girls [who are sisters] one who goes to my school and is 15 the other is 21. anyway, i wouldnt say im heaps close to them, although they are good friends at work. anyway, last friday their brother who was 23 died in a ca crash and the funeral is on today and i said that i would go. although [the funeral is right now] and i'm not there, plainly because i feel disrespectful towards their brother as i did not know him.
the reason i was going to go was to show that i could support the two girls.
the funeral is supposedly massive with over 2,000 people there right now.

and people form work, are all there [theres about 5 people from work] and the two sisters best work friends [but me] are all there.

NOW! i start work today at 4 [its 3.18 now] and i need advice on what to say, like about why i didnt go, because at the moment i feel like shit that i didnt go, although i would feel very disrespectful for actually going.

ahh this is such a dillema!
someone write back before 4 pleaseee!!!
thankyou so much

 

[tanjin]

If they said you shouldn't go, then its fine but considering you knew them, you said you would go, other people from your work went - you should've gone. Just because you didn't know him doesn't really make a difference - you knew some of his family. I'll bet you anything out of the 2000 or so people attending - most of them wouldn't have known him very well. I would have gone to pay my respects anyway.

i would feel very disrespectful for actually going.

I really don't understand this but when you see the girls just tell them the truth that you felt it would be disrespecting their brother. Makes no sense to me but everyone works differently.

 

[minminmin]

i don't think it would be disrespectful. You are there showing support for his sisters. I think that is a really nice thing to do. I don't know you. or these people, but if it were me, i would go. Even though you didn't know their brother, i think he would want people there to show support for his family

 

[ellirene]

thanks for replying guys.

when i say i feel disrespectful for actually going is that i feel bad because i'd feel sort of like an 'attachment' because i personaly didnt know him. and all around me would have been people who knew this man in one way or another. i've spoken with both of the sisters a few days earlier to say that if they need to talk im here for them etc and they've thanked me etc for that. i said i'd go to one of the girls who was organising work people to go, not the two sisters.

so basically, its not a matter of telling my thoughts to the sisters because they both know im there anyway, its more a matter of expressing myself to the people at work who organised for some of us to go.

work in 15 mins... oh no.

 

[tanjin]

Just tell them the truth. There's no need to bullshit about this, i'm sure they'll understand. Even if you told the people at work that you were going, don't you think one of them may have let the sisters know?

 

[ellirene]

i suppose so..
its not a matter of me bullshitting really,
its more so that now thinking about not going i'm feeling selfish and stupid. [hence writing this].

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

i know exactly how you feel, don't worry. when one of my friend's mothers died i went to the funeral to support the friend but it felt very odd because i didn't actually know her mum that well. you probably could have gone with no problem but i wouldn't stress about explaining yourself, funeral-awkwardness is something i think most people have experienced and would understand.

 

[Enteebee]

You're pretty much the worst person I've ever seen post on these forums...

 

[Tulipa]

You should've gone and it's pretty much purely selfish motivations that led you to stay home.

Make up some bullshit excuse or you will appear more disrespectful for not going.

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

yeah i don't think there's anything wrong with not going if you feel you don't really have the right to because you didn't know the person well enough. there are other ways to give support to the people who are grieving the most, like what mednez said.

 

[ellirene]

You're pretty much the worst person I've ever seen post on these forums...

whatever hey.
i bet you've never been in the same position as me before, or at least dont have emotion.

 

[Tulipa]

whatever hey.
i bet you've never been in the same position as me before, or at least dont have emotion.

I was.

An old friend's mother died and I went to the funeral and she was so so so happy to see me.

Just being there as support is important. Especially because you said you'd go. Your reason for not going was purely selfish.

 

[RabbitRabbit]

I guess it's a bit too late to regret that you didn't go.

The best you can do now, is say you are sorry and be there for them. Maybe try to get them talking about who the brother was, what kind of person he was, and his achievements or happy memories.

 

[Azamakumar]

Yeah, what rabbitrabbit said. Basically extreme subject changing should work.

 

[Dramaqueen06]

okay this topic proably shouldnt be here but im in a hurry and need advice asap!

well, i work with these two girls [who are sisters] one who goes to my school and is 15 the other is 21. anyway, i wouldnt say im heaps close to them, although they are good friends at work. anyway, last friday their brother who was 23 died in a ca crash and the funeral is on today and i said that i would go. although [the funeral is right now] and i'm not there, plainly because i feel disrespectful towards their brother as i did not know him.
the reason i was going to go was to show that i could support the two girls.
the funeral is supposedly massive with over 2,000 people there right now.

and people form work, are all there [theres about 5 people from work] and the two sisters best work friends [but me] are all there.

NOW! i start work today at 4 [its 3.18 now] and i need advice on what to say, like about why i didnt go, because at the moment i feel like shit that i didnt go, although i would feel very disrespectful for actually going.

ahh this is such a dillema!
someone write back before 4 pleaseee!!!
thankyou so much

Alot of people who don't know him/or her who has died but who do know their friends or relatives go quite often.
It shows respect and sympathy. What excuse did you end up saying?
IT isn't disrespectful, in fact it shows respect for actually being there for his sisters;i'm sure he'd love that.