Belonging (skrzynecki) thesis (1 Viewer)

[jg234]

Hey could somebody have a look through my intro / thesis for belonging - i have been playing with it a bit to make it sound better and hopefully a little more adaptable to whatever HSC question is asked. (based on 11 adv. eng HSC AOS question) Thanks guys

• Theconcept of belonging is an imperative and extremely significantaspect of our lives in that it has the ability to considerably impactour sense of idenity and our lives in general. This is represented invarious ways throughout Peter Skrzynecki'sImmigrant Chronicles,which depict the migrant experience in relation to the way in which connections to places can affect an individuals perceptions ofbelonging or rather, not belonging. Specifically, the poems PostCards and Ancestors explore the complex tapestry this is Skrzynecki's sense of belonging through the way in which an individual can choosenot to belong, it can be affected by an individual’s culturalheritage or lack thereof, and an understanding of ones past isrequired to belong. Similarly, the cartoon 'Nobody Understands' byShaun Tan explores the barriers that can affect and even prevent anindividual's sense of identity and acceptance.

 

[someth1ng]

Specifically, the poems PostCards and Ancestors explore

Take that out, don't say specifically those poems because you're supposed to analyse Immigrant Chronicle as a whole single text.

 

[Absolutezero]

Take that out, don't say specifically those poems because you're supposed to analyse Immigrant Chronicle as a whole single text.

No, you can select individual poems.

 

[jg234]

yeah thats right can be individual poems -
So how does it sound?? I think i may have some things to change

 

[someth1ng]

No, you can select individual poems.

HSC markers in the past have always told me to never say things like "specifically..."

 

[Absolutezero]

HSC markers in the past have always told me to never say things like "specifically..."

Specifically is more poor use of language than an actual error in textual choice.


Stuff in bold is irrelevant/unnecessary. Stuff in italics needs to be reworked


The concept of belonging is an imperative and extremely significant aspect of our lives in that it has the ability to considerably impact our sense of idenity and our lives in general.


This is represented in various ways throughout Peter Skrzynecki's Immigrant Chronicles, which depict the migrant experience in relation to the way in which connections to places can affect an individuals perceptions of belonging or rather, not belonging.

Specifically, the poems PostCards and Ancestors explore the complex tapestry this is Skrzynecki's sense of belonging through the way in which an individual can choose not to belong, it can be affected by an individual’s culturalheritage or lack thereof, and an understanding of ones past isrequired to belong.

Similarly, the cartoon 'Nobody Understands' by Shaun Tan explores the barriers that can affect and even prevent an individual's sense of identity and acceptance.





Things left unanswered:

How Tan explores the barriers
How Skrzynecki explores belonging
How the texts relate to each other
How the texts relate to your argument

Things to improve:
A clearer argument as your first line
Better integration of the Immigrant Chronicles and the two poems; they seem disconnected currently
Tan is a massively overdone related text, and you would benefit from selecting a different one
Explaining How and Why the texts do what they do, and How it supports your argument