BOS Showcase: 2005 Major Works (1 Viewer)

[Sweets]

I'll read your Out of Order beats doing my Modern assessment

52 views, 1 comment..hahahahah

 

[crazyhomo]

Heres mine....

any comments?

i felt this was a pretty average script. the whole thing was about choice, yet the characters didn't seem to have much thought process behind their choices. they just seemed to do things because that's what you had already decided was going to happen. why would sarah give jess the gun? why would jess suddenly decide to kill her dad once she had the means? everything about the actions of these characters just felt fake to me, like they were specifically designed to carry out the plot. i think storytelling works best when the plot comes from an extension of the characters, not the other way around

not that it was all bad. i like most of the dialogue. and the imagery and descriptions generally worked pretty well. but when it feels like the characters are acting on behalf of the author, rather than on behalf of themselves, i just can't get into it. especially when the focus of the plot is regarding the choices we make

 

[crazyhomo]

Well I wasn't intending to post mine but since no one else seems to be, I might as well.

No senseless criticism. Not because I don't like criticism but because my work is done now so I don't really care.


Oh yeh and there might be some typos in the major work because I couldn't find my completely edited verision, because I don't know where my pen drive is.

this was, in a word, excellent. i was a bit skeptical at first regarding the topic. the whole 'american dream' thing made it seem like you were about to spend 5k words rehashing the english syllabus. but the entire work was extremely well written and thought-provoking. you went into a lot of depth in the analysis so it didn't feel like a cliched retelling. only negative point is that sometimes found it hard to follow what you were saying. though that's possibly more my fault than yours

 

[kami]

I've been reading some of the MW's and here are some of my thoughts:
Blackman - I must admit that poetry is not really my thing, and at first I found your work slightly dissorienting. However, as it went on, I was drawn in as if your poetry was a drug - your expression was very effective. Your piece will most certainly do well.
Sweets - I love the central concept, and I think you certainly pulled it off well. It also has made me look differently at The OC. I only wish that the Board hadn't put word limits so there was more to read.
That's all for now...I'll get to the others later.

 

[scoby_2000]

I don't see you commenting on anyone-elses.

i'm sorry, i had a physics assesment

i will definatly read and comment on some this weekend.....i promise......

 

[crazyhomo]

perhaps i would feel this is time for a sort of revelation of our works after submission, so i would like to post mine in this thread as per justin's instructions, i'm not entirely familiar with the concept of linking attachments and things, though i will try.
i hope all of your works all were able to be completed successfully and i hope you all enjoyed the experience of undertaking this course. thankyou very very much

my work was within the poetic medium - i was investigating a sort of transformation of text from music to poetry

edit: i apologise for the removal of the pictures from my work, the computer was unable to upload the large size of the work containing pictures

i'm with kami on this. i'm not much of a poetry person, especially bad teenage poetry. but you didn't seem to deal with the usual cliches. or, at least, when you did they were expressed in a the way that poetry is meant to work. that is, using words to paint a picture in your head. so much poetry just seems to use (lots of) heavy words to seem deep, but just ends up boring, conveying so little. you generally avoided that, shaping your words around the meaning, rather than meaning around the words

 

[tez0r]

Sorry about the zip files guys, but my MW is over the kb limit on BOS. Hehe, so here it is, my soul bared to you all

 

[Arvin Sloane]

He returned to examining the pages of his favourite magazine, 1337.

Heh. I can’t be bothered (come on! I just finshed the course—I deserve some freedom!) fomr reading the rest, however I read one poem that
w
a
s

l
i
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this and I started to cry.

 

[666_blessings]

Tezor: from what i've (skim) read so far, i see hints of Freud and Eliot. Should be wonderful once i actually get around to reading it properly.

 

[666_blessings]

Heh. I can’t be bothered (come on! I just finshed the course—I deserve some freedom!) fomr reading the rest, however I read one poem that
w
a
s

l
i
k
e

this and I started to cry.

That sort of thing was brilliant at one stage but it's been done to death over the last few years. For some reason, the markers seem to be in love with that sort of thing and that makes me want to cry.

 

[black_man]

i'm with kami on this. i'm not much of a poetry person, especially bad teenage poetry. but you didn't seem to deal with the usual cliches. or, at least, when you did they were expressed in a the way that poetry is meant to work. that is, using words to paint a picture in your head. so much poetry just seems to use (lots of) heavy words to seem deep, but just ends up boring, conveying so little. you generally avoided that, shaping your words around the meaning, rather than meaning around the words

Blackman - I must admit that poetry is not really my thing, and at first I found your work slightly dissorienting. However, as it went on, I was drawn in as if your poetry was a drug - your expression was very effective. Your piece will most certainly do well.

thankyou, it is very humbling to have such praise from very very esteemed people. it has definately arrested any insecurities i may have held with regards to my work. i will try my utmost to read and experience all the works that everyone has on offer.

 

[robo3687]

any opinions of mine? (its back on page 6 i think)

 

[Meldrum]

Again, thanks for all your comments - Logain, Sweets, and thanks for your deconstruction fleepbasding.

But my play wasn't meant to abide by many of the staples of drama - character rels and suchsuch, but it still needed some of them - logical plot blahblah. As such, I followed some Brechtian and Shakespearean examples and made the politicians merely symbolic, with the important peeps being the people...just like CP Kings

Thanks for reading my work.

As for a ref statement, I've only got this old draft:

 

[get_born]

Just read your first poem.

"Where the blood of a wise, paints a teenagers hand unclean," =
'where civil blood makes civil hands unclean'


"Doth with their death, bury society’s strife," =
'Do with their death bury their parents' strife. '


I can tell you were inspired by Romeo and Juliet and possibly Dorthy Porter.

yeah everyone has picked up the Romeo and Juliet thing - there's a bit of Skull Beneath the Skin in there too along with Ros and Guil. Did ya like it though?

I've been reading all the work - Awesome - haven't finished though - Black man your poetry is awesome , C_james love the way you put in the internet boxes - you blended it in well - good research too, fine ambiguity- i really like your idea, you took my imagination places !

Thats all ive read completely so far... and ill say it again 05ers are really talented!

 

[crazyhomo]

black man, your work is interesting and well-crafted. I could tell you did your research, because the lyrics really did have an element of musicality. Being an Incubus fan, I was particularly fond of those ones.

In the spirit of sharing, here's mine...

i liked it. well written, interesting concepts. what i didn't like, and i know this was the point, was the overly clever, self-reflective nature. basically, the entire premise kinda rubbed me up the wrong way. i hate it when something is clever, but is also so obviously aware how clever it's being. almost like the world is demanding to be appreciated, like it needs to make sure you realise how good it is. to be fair, your work was actually pretty damn good. much more worthy than other works that attempt the same thing.

so basically, i wish you'd gone with something that wasn't so overtly clever and self-conscious

 

[:kaz.n:]

Mine has had a few views, any comments?

ps. Its back on pg. 8

 

[get_born]

any opinions of mine? (its back on page 6 i think)

read your work...

your intention in showing the complications between relationships ie. Sandra and the two brothers remeinded me of one episode in the OC. I liked your use of different angles and camera shots made me visualise what was going on - your layout was good to

 

[c_james]

i liked it. well written, interesting concepts. what i didn't like, and i know this was the point, was the overly clever, self-reflective nature. basically, the entire premise kinda rubbed me up the wrong way. i hate it when something is clever, but is also so obviously aware how clever it's being. almost like the world is demanding to be appreciated, like it needs to make sure you realise how good it is. to be fair, your work was actually pretty damn good. much more worthy than other works that attempt the same thing.

so basically, i wish you'd gone with something that wasn't so overtly clever and self-conscious

Thanks for the crit! Yeah, I know what you mean; I wasn't too crash hot with the whole subtlety thing, but that was probably out of my fear, however unfounded, that the marker mightn't "get it". In true cop-out fashion, however, I justify such flagrance in the RS .

By the way, I'll get around to reading and commenting on everyone else's once I get some study out of the way...

 

[get_born]

Mine has had a few views, any comments?

ps. Its back on pg. 8

Abdominal cancer!

your short story screams Bollywood! I like Indian movies, I dont know if thats the feeling you were going for, but it was very dramatic and i got that impression...

 

[Meldrum]

My RS has had a few views now...did anyone pick up on my reference to Stas? I figured that he was much more like an 11-year-old than what he says he is