constructive criticism (1 Viewer)

[aussienerd]

i have attached a semi biographical fiction story that i am writing which is about my life. Some constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. My friend said it didnt make sense to her and i havent got a clue what to do about it. i dont care what you say i just want to hear what you think, whether or not you found it interesting, and/or any misunderstandings you may have about it. please help me out, this story is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

 

[Arceupins]

You’ll learn to hate me...

Just finished reading and I guess you were correct.

You're a bad writer and you should feel bad.

LOL JKS

I'll play nice. The only criticism I have is that you use far too many unnecessary joining words that make your story hard to follow. You do it throughout just about the entire thing and it gets really rather tiring.

'Jealousy is problematic and it is a very powerful thing'

Like wtf... should be:

'Jealousy is a problematic and powerful thing' etc etc

 

[dizzyizzy]

Hmmm...a few things.
Note: these are not critiques of you but of your depiction of your life. Distinguish the two or you will feel insulted.

1. Show, don't tell. Explore the protagonist through anecdotes and real events, rather than demanding that the reader accept that she 'is the popular girl, everyone liked me… even the teachers. I was really fit too.'

2. Subtlety. Let the reader work out the cause-and-effect. "As I sit here pondering on all these things, I’m beginning to reflect on how this has impacted on me. " Reading this is like being hit in the face with a fish.

3. For your own sake I hope this isn't your future EE2 story. It is cliche to the extreme (no matter if that is how your life actually was, it reads like ugh) and there is very little chance that somebody your age will be able to write about their own recent past and current life with sophisticated perspective and insight.

However it has some potential (as most things do). Look up 'Mary Sue', make sure the protagonist has some actual flaws (apart from this debilitating mental condition) and work on it in your own time.

 

[roar84eighty]

pro-tip: drop EE2 or change medium

edit: seek help from a counselor, writing a major work to relieve things won't work. write a (non-hsc) story about it somewhere else if it does help you though.

 

[alex.leon]

I say this in the nicest way possible.

Go and read some of the BoS ext 2 majors on this website.

Just read one or two short stories.

Then re-assess whether you think Ext 2 is definitely for you. I mean, really think.

The quality of your work is lacking, and you really need to turn it around to get marks above average in this subject. I'm not saying that is impossible, just hard. Remember people are doing to be critically marking your work. They won't know you, they won't know your story. They read it and give it a number out of 50. Simple. You should be aiming to impress.

Anyway, regardless of what people say, if you write as a form of escapism or release then keep on doing it. I just think you need to distinguish writing for leisure with writing for marks. They're wholly different.

Good luck.

PS- 500th!!