Could someone read over my essay? (1 Viewer)

[Scorch]

I was just wondering if someone could read over a practice essay I have finished. It would be really helpful, and any criticism, no matter how harsh (as long as it's constructive) would be great.

The essay is attached.

Thank you.

=D

Quite a few sentences are straight out of my notes, but I did this essay with my notes in front of me.

 

[Scorch]

OKay, thanks. I meant more about my technique, structure and content instead of technicalities about the name and setting of my text but that's useful.

 

[Mc_Meaney]

Try doing it without the notes...exam conditions etc...helps to improve technique

 

[NonCompusMentis]

I don't like the way you write.

But that's not constructive, so here's one complaint: you used the word "depicts" far too often.

 

[Zoe 2508]

Its spelt 'noir', not 'noire'.. the marking teacher wont be impressed with that considering it is such a significant aspect of the hard-boiled genre.

Include the film was composed at the begginning when nintroducing your text, i think the big sleep was '45 or '46?

All in all, the piece was pretty good.

Goodluck with it.

 

[Scorch]

Thanks, my teacher marked it and gave me 21/25, I'm gonna aim for 23-24 for my next one I give her (Ext 1 is my last trial exam).

She did point out a few things, I was describing the context of The Big Sleep and I said Post World War One era, that was supposed to be two. =P

I was pretty proud of myself. =D

Thanks for the criticism all, if you want you could probably turn this into a topic where people could read each other's essays over, I don't know. Anyways, thanks.

 

[nahian]

The essay is shit

 

[CharmingNerd13]

Is that really necessay? She was happy with the result, so I think thats all that matters. She also asked for consructive criticism.