Creative Writing Critique? (429 words) (1 Viewer)

Akuri

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I was wondering if anyone would be willing to have a look at the second draft for a short story creative writing-thing I did for English? Not looking for an in depth analysis or anything! Just want to know if it sounds dumb/ needs more information. I don’t know anything about English and it’s he only subject I’m actually AFRAID to complete..
 

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