They speak englishenoch said:err...how did ur dad pick ur mom up?...
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They speak englishenoch said:err...how did ur dad pick ur mom up?...
Race is actually just a social construct; it doesn't exist.ur_inner_child said:Race: A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.
I would hope that you respect YOUR HUSBAND WHO YOU LOVE (supposedly) and HIS FAMILY AND HIS PERCEPTIONS.Lainee said:I guess I suffer from princess syndrome then if you put it that way. I have a lot of respect for my parents and value the family institution, and any guy who doesn't have that kind of respect for his own family.... I'll question whether he's someone I'd like to raise a family with.
You don't have to be able to talk to someone to understand them or to know that they are treating their daughter well. There are a number of non language forms of communication. Just because you do not speak the same language doesnt mean they will not like you or understand you or accept you.lainee said:He doesn't need to impress my family, god no! I don't think it's too much to ask for them to be able to just -talk- to my husband and have him understand what they're on about.
And what do you mean communication doesn't have the be 'literal language communication'? Should they just have a psychic understanding of each other?![]()
hmmmmmmmmmmmI think that'll be an awful shame and something I'd rather avoid by marrying someone my own race.
It's for that reason as well that I want to marry someone who is able to talk to my parents - as soon as you learn that someone cannot speak English well you assume they're also lazy or intellectually lacking as well.
I hope you respect your partners choice to be marrying you and not your father.Lainee said:Of course I would respect my husband! I never said anything about not respecting his family or his perceptions. I just said that I also respect my family and I hope that by marrying I would not be forced to exclude them from my life.
The notion that the guy MUST fit with your family is a very quaint idea and anachronistic idea. It also shows your parents have had a very tight reign on you since you were young.lainee said:Excuse me? I happen to respect the family notion very highly. My parents gave me life and I have never loved a guy more than I love my family - no guy is going to steal me from my family, I want both to be an important part of my life! I want to be able to talk to my in-laws and I want to be a part of their family as well, it's not like I want to incorporate him into my family - I just think it's a crying shame if you truely believe the family is an archaic idea ('dead and buried')!!
I think your standard are much too high and romantically anachronistic and unrealistic. I think most people would be happy if they person loved them. Involving extended families into relationships is asking for trouble. People have a enough trouble keeping everything happy in the relationship itself rather than having the whole bloody extended family peering over their shoulder. Having to keep the whole extended family happy is an unrealistic expectation which is what you do when you involve the extended family.lainee said:And I'm NOT precluding people not from my race! All the guys I've dated so far have not been from the same race as me - I'm definately not racist. My selection criteria for a husband is roughly just someone who loves me, knows that I love my parents, and thus would try his best to converse and be friendly to them! I just think that the latter would be much more difficult if he did not speak the same languages as them.
Again...really thats just silly. They don't have to speak the same language to get on.lainee said:But later on when marriage is a serious possibility it's going to be hard to marry someone outside my race. Cause when he marries me, he's becoming a part of my family, so it's important he can communicate with parents and relatives.
I automatically assume it because you speak of the importance of your parents in your relationship with a potential husband like it is the priority.lainee said:I guess in this day and age where 'in-laws' are undesirable and hated, you would never understand that knowing your wife's family isn't a bad thing. Why do you automatically assume that in-laws would be eternally intrusive in your precious life together? Why don't you see it as a source of life experience and wisdom, the same household where your wife grew up and found comfort in?
Thats ok! Thanks for askinghipsta_jess said:*Bellingen
I just need to ask, why do you want to be with a hippy?
That would be very sad indeed. If your parents really did not love the person you chose to love then I'd argue that they are not really thinking in your best interests but rather selfishly. My parents have always made it clear to me that they will love whoever I choose to love because they trust me to make the right choice. In the end it is my personal choice and your personal choice. It should not be your parents. Your parents should be interested in YOUR personal happiness.Lainee said:I always look for balance in my life - a healthy balance between independence and love of family is what is lacking nowadays. Marriage comes with it the responsibility of maintaining a family - it's not just me and him and love alone. If I happen to fall in love with someone my family does not like, I would never marry him ...
You wonder why the they never visit the family ever again?lainee said:My aunt married a Russian man and whenever she visits her parents, he brings a book or his laptop along and sits by himself. So have some cousins who married Aussie blokes and barely visit the family anymore. I'm not sure how they feel about all that, they could be perfectly happy with the arrangement, but language does make a huge difference to how well everyone gets along!
Again the person is marrying you. Not great aunt Dot. the fact that Aunty Dot is invovled means she gets to have a say in the marriage and the new hubby has to keep her happy AS WELL as the in laws, the wife and the sister in laws. It's added pressure and scrutiny that doesn't do wonders for the relationship. Family contact is great. But too much will kill it and kill it good.lainee said:On the contrary, I think it's prudent to think of the practical side of the marriage. Marry for love yes, but everyone has to consider how that is going to work out in the long term. Definately not a romantic notion, and very realistic to consider how fulfilling the marriage will be for everyone involved.
I would hope that your family, once if found out that you were marrying that person, would get over their stubborness and accept the person you love. Parents and extended families who disaprove of new husbands should butt out or accept that person and accept the choice of the girl. The onus in not on the girl. It is on the family to accept the personal choice of the girl.lainee said:I will never be selfish enough to cause a rift in my family. I'm not going to marry someone if they don't compromise a little to fit with my priorities in life. Similarly, I don't mind compromising if there is something about me that would make our marriage life difficult.
'Sorry Lainee. I love you so much. And these last 5 years have been a blast. But my mum doesn't like you. So it doesnt look like its going to work out. Cyas'.lainee said:Actually, I'd like to find a guy who values his mother so much. If his mother, who probably knows him best, thinks that I'm not the right person for her son then that's certainly something I have to think about. I'm not going to marry him AT ALL COSTS and cause hardship between him and his parents.
Again. Your parents, if the situation arose, would need to respect your personal decision. They would need to recognise that the best person top make choices for you is you as an individual. That they have no right to dictate your adult life.My family is the biggest thing in my life right now. I can sacrifice everything for them - even my own personal happiness by not being able to marry the man I love. It doesn't mean I'll stop loving him, I just owe my parents too much to hurt them.