Dumped for not saying "i love you" (2 Viewers)

[Copacabana NYC]

hey guys,

i started a thread titled "who has said "i love you"?" was about my bf (now ex) saying 'i love you' to me and me not saying it back.

well last night i met up with him, to what i though would just be to hang out etc, but no, he decides to pick a fight with me coz i didn't say 'i love you' back to him.

he said it again last night and after reading all your posts i thought i better not lie and say it back so i just smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.....bad idea!

he picked a fight with me! was completely out of line! i was gobsmocked to what to say to him so i just copped it all! I just couldn't reply to him, his accusations where completely irrelvant. like they were so stupid, it wasn't even worth a response - this seems stupid now but i suck at handling things right then and there.

Eg. "obviously we aren't on the same paths, i want my love to be reciprocated."
"i can't handle the way you respond whenever i say it." - um what the? he has said it three times and first time i laughed, 2nd i giggled and said thanks and 3rd i just smiled and kissed him on the cheek. - was it that bad?
"we want different things - i want this relationship to work, you obviously just want some fun."
"you don't understand where i'm coming from."

and yadda yadda yadda i dont really want to say too much more.

so yeah he broke it off.

not really expecting a reply, just feel like deleting my other post, but some of the stories are so cute...so i won't.

 

[hipPo3]

cant poeple have fun in a relationship ??.. maan that guy has some problems
i dont think he deserves u for that .. forget about him and move on

 

[Dreamerish*~]

If he did love you, he would be more patient. So there you go, he just wanted to say "I love you" for the sake of saying it. Maybe he has been watching too many romantic films.

Don't worry about it, if you do not feel comfortable with saying "I love you", you have every reason not to say it. It's better to say those words only when you mean them than to throw them around just to satisfy people like him.

Not being in love doesn't mean you aren't taking the relationship seriously. It takes time for love to develop. If he's that impatient then he wants to be in love too much to actually realise that perhaps it hasn't been long enough for that to happen. If you talk to him, explain it to him.

On the other hand, I would imagine how he'd feel after saying "I love you" to get nothing back. I hope your laugh didn't sound too offensive. I would feel a little rejected too, but you can't really make someone succumb to the pressure and use that word when they don't mean it.

 

[Mr Muscles]

straight out, if that happened to me...i woulda told her that she cant love me, she might really really like me, but to love me after X months is not on, and told her that there is no way she really knows what love is...
however, if she meant it as in she loved my weapons of mass destruction (biceps) then itd be a completely different story

 

[Copacabana NYC]

If he did love you, he would be more patient. So there you go, he just wanted to say "I love you" for the sake of saying it. Maybe he has been watching too many romantic films.

Don't worry about it, if you do not feel comfortable with saying "I love you", you have every reason not to say it. It's better to say those words only when you mean them than to throw them around just to satisfy people like him.

Not being in love doesn't mean you aren't taking the relationship seriously. It takes time for love to develop. If he's that impatient then he wants to be in love too much to actually realise that perhaps it hasn't been long enough for that to happen. If you talk to him, explain it to him.

On the other hand, I would imagine how he'd feel after saying "I love you" to get nothing back. I hope your laugh didn't sound too offensive. I would feel a little rejected too, but you can't really make someone succumb to the pressure and use that word when they don't mean it.

oh yeah the laugh....mmm this is what exactly happen

bf: blah blah blah......".....i love you."
me: "hahahaha BULLSHIT, you're just saying that coz u want to get in my pants!"
bf: blah blah blah ........."no i'm serious"
me: "oh....riteo....sorry....thanks?"

mmmm i know i could of handled that better, but man that was the first day we were going out! i thought it was all jokes!...opps.

i kind of left in a hurry last night, and i don't know whether to talk to him...but its stupid to fight back now coz i've slept on it and it looks lame that i have been thinkin of a come back all night....crap...

 

[repz]

his an idiot
forget about it
he doesn't know the meaning of love
it's way too early in the relationship to feel love, in your case your still getting to know and develop feelings for this guy. his impatient and immature and most likely has some bad history with girls or soemthing.

 

[rockstar01]

Don't worry sounds like he likes you a lot, maybe love, so just wait till he calms down a bit and then he will realise how irrational he is being and then you can explain then im sure he will get back together with you...if that's what you want.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

oh yeah the laugh....mmm this is what exactly happen

bf: blah blah blah......".....i love you."
me: "hahahaha BULLSHIT, you're just saying that coz u want to get in my pants!"
bf: blah blah blah ........."no i'm serious"
me: "oh....riteo....sorry....thanks?"

mmmm i know i could of handled that better, but man that was the first day we were going out! i thought it was all jokes!...opps.

i kind of left in a hurry last night, and i don't know whether to talk to him...but its stupid to fight back now coz i've slept on it and it looks lame that i have been thinkin of a come back all night....crap...

Ouch.

Well, I can see how he may have been offended if he was truly under the impression that he was in love with you. Did you know him for a long time before you started going out? Because if not, then popping the "L-word" on the first day is ridiculous.

Like rockstar said, if his feelings for you are that strong, he's not going to let you go just like that. If you want to get back with him, go for it, but make sure you can get him to understand you.

 

[rockstar01]

I just had a vision...he is going to ask you to go to chatswood and you wont be sure if you should...

Yeah you should...

Get back together with him then break up with him... he will realise how unreasonable he is being and will then do whatever you want him to which is to chill out... then you got yourself a good boyfriend.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

haha yeah i'm not really one to take things seriously. i really did think he was joking...anyway.

i met him mid july this yr. so i've known him for bout 3 or so months.

OMG NEWS FLASH! this just came in....he just sent me a message asking me if i still wanted to go to chatswood (we were planning on goin shopping there like a few days again) message said "still wanna go to chatas lets go now" - should i? no i shouldn't i don't think i will.

I wanna go shopping.

I say go for it. Call me crazy, but after that abrupt break-up, I'm thinking ... UNRESOLVED ISSUES!

Have a talk with him. Go go go.

 

[Copacabana NYC]

Ouch.

Well, I can see how he may have been offended if he was truly under the impression that he was in love with you. Did you know him for a long time before you started going out? Because if not, then popping the "L-word" on the first day is ridiculous.

Like rockstar said, if his feelings for you are that strong, he's not going to let you go just like that. If you want to get back with him, go for it, but make sure you can get him to understand you.

haha yeah i'm not really one to take things seriously. i really did think he was joking...anyway.

i met him mid july this yr. so i've known him for bout 3 or so months.

OMG NEWS FLASH! this just came in....he just sent me a message asking me if i still wanted to go to chatswood (we were planning on goin shopping there like a few days again) message said "still wanna go to chatas lets go now" - should i? no i shouldn't i don't think i will.

 

[Copacabana NYC]

okays i'll go. OMG what do i wear? haha so joking

i'll tell ya how it goes! bye guys, thanks.

 

[Lhyviathan]

hey guys,

i started a thread titled "who has said "i love you"?" was about my bf (now ex) saying 'i love you' to me and me not saying it back.

well last night i met up with him, to what i though would just be to hang out etc, but no, he decides to pick a fight with me coz i didn't say 'i love you' back to him.

he said it again last night and after reading all your posts i thought i better not lie and say it back so i just smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.....bad idea!

he picked a fight with me! was completely out of line! i was gobsmocked to what to say to him so i just copped it all! I just couldn't reply to him, his accusations where completely irrelvant. like they were so stupid, it wasn't even worth a response - this seems stupid now but i suck at handling things right then and there.

Eg. "obviously we aren't on the same paths, i want my love to be reciprocated."
"i can't handle the way you respond whenever i say it." - um what the? he has said it three times and first time i laughed, 2nd i giggled and said thanks and 3rd i just smiled and kissed him on the cheek. - was it that bad?
"we want different things - i want this relationship to work, you obviously just want some fun."
"you don't understand where i'm coming from."

and yadda yadda yadda i dont really want to say too much more.

so yeah he broke it off.

not really expecting a reply, just feel like deleting my other post, but some of the stories are so cute...so i won't.

Your responses to his words were quite insensitive.

Sure, it's okay to not say it back until a time where you may feel inclined to reciprocate his words, but giggling and laughing show a degree of disrespect for him and his feelings.

I'm not surprised that he went off at you, though I'm not sure how justified he was in doing so.

 

[ogmzergrush]

"i can't handle the way you respond whenever i say it." - um what the? he has said it three times and first time i laughed, 2nd i giggled and said thanks and 3rd i just smiled and kissed him on the cheek. - was it that bad?

That made me laugh. Put yourself in his situation. Pretend for a second that you're really certain that you're in love with your partner, so you decide to tell them. They laugh. Not to be put off that easily, you give it another go, and they laugh again. Third time, still no response. Gee, I wonder what the obvious conclusion is there, seeing as you don't appear to have actually explained *why* you won't say it back, or why you think it's funny when he says it.

He was probably wrong going off about it, but you'd have to be a moron to not understand why it happened. It's not really that difficult to say "I really like being with you, but I'm going to wait until I'm really sure that it's love before I say so, because when I do I really want it to mean something", rather than just laughing at him, repeatedly. You've said basically the same thing here, it seems strange that you chose to explain it better to us than to him.

 

[borkis04]

aww poor ash..me cruise buddy..well hav a good 1 on ur chatswood date eh!..hope evrything worsk out aye!

if u smile from ear to ear...he will like you from here to here.

 

[arooshika...]

aww poor ash..me cruise buddy..well hav a good 1 on ur chatswood date eh!..hope evrything worsk out aye!

if u smile from ear to ear...he will like you from here to here.

a nice rhyme!

 

[Copacabana NYC]

well that sucked...

just got back from chatas...well we didn't even make it to chatas. Dammit i wanted to go shopping!

went to the mall, sat down, talked....bout crap all. we even spoke about the weather! now i reckon when u start speakin bout the weather then something is up! haha, so yeah.

then his mates came over and we were all talking as if nothing ever happened. don't even know if that was planned or something, but like 5 of his mates just 'rocked up'.

didn't talk at all about last night. i think its over. guess im too childish to have someone love me yet... and to reciprocate it.

he asked me out to dinner 2moz night but i'm babysitting, so can't. that's that.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Gosh, are the two of you that uncomfortable with each other to discuss it?

It's not over unless you decide it is. He invited you to dinner - something he obviously wouldn't do if he wanted you gone from his life.

I think there's a problem with both of you. His is that he's too impatient to wait for love to develop and is unable to accept the fact that his partner is not ready to say "I love you" back to him. He needs to realise that love usually happens quite awhile after the relationship begins, not on the first day.

Yours is that you need to show some sensitivity. Laughing at him when he tells you he loves you is sure to deflate his bubble, especially if you do it more than once. When he tells you he loves you, you should take him seriously because even if he's not in love, it's the way he feels and you should respect that. Tell him you're not ready to say it back, and that it doesn't mean you don't take your relationship seriously.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Whatever you do, don't say "oh I only save I love you after I really know I mean it" because he will feel that you think he doesn't mean it/ he is stupid to say it.

That's a perfectly valid thing to say. You're not suggesting he didn't mean it, you're saying you don't want to throw the word around. It's just suggesting that you're not in love, you need more time, etc.

He might be offended by that, but he has to face the truth.

 

[Copacabana NYC]

i'm guessing he can't babysit with you?

Plus you weren't really talking about "crap".

He is trying to save face. He is feeling very hurt and very angry. He obviously regrets calling off the relationship.

You need to give him a few days, then sit him down and explain how you feel about him.

Whatever you do, don't say "oh I only save I love you after I really know I mean it" because he will feel that you think he doesn't mean it/ he is stupid to say it.

yeah i know he is hurt etc. But man, right now, i really don't want to try to make things fine again. I'm bout to start the HSC in 3 days, call me selfish but i just want to get it over and done with without creating anymore dramas than i already have.

i'll give him a few weeks.

Honestly, i really don't need this right now.

oh and i'm not even going to mention the word 'love' for a long time after this.