EBB/ Gatsby: How bad is my essay, please help (1 Viewer)

graceeldridge

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Hi! If anyone has the time could you please tell me how to improve. My teacher gave me 15/20 but I'm skeptical. Please don't hold back the criticism! I cannot physically write a decent essay and I'm desperate. (I will love you forever if you help me out) :D

Module A: (900 words)
‘It is how individuals react to the world around them that reveals the most interesting connections between texts.’
Evaluate this opinion in relation to the connections you have made between The Great Gatsby and the poetry of Elizabeth Barrett Browning.


The nature of connection is that it cannot be wholly revealed from the reactions of individuals alone- they are only signposts that show the surface of the most interesting connections between texts. The most complex and interesting connections require a combination of textual features to become completely revealed. The idea that interesting connections require complex comparisons between texts is shown in both the sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning and “The Great Gatsby” (TGG) by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Victorian England emphasized the importance of marriage, regardless of love and portrayed women as objects of affection as opposed to being affectionate themselves. Barrett-Browning subverted these expectations by refusing to marry until she was mutually loved and marrying in spite of her father’s wishes. Barrett-Browning’s historical context influenced her use of sonnets as her textual form. In 1920’s post-war America known as the ‘jazz age’ there was a strong rejection of the past as well as a shift in focus to the superficial. Fitzgerald presents the character Jay Gatsby to be seeking a similar experience of love as Barrett-Browning, however whilst trying to obtain this he is tainted by the immorality of his society. Complex characters, strong authorial intent and the historical context of each text reveal interesting connections between Barrett-Browning’s poetry and Fitzgerald’s TGG.

Themes of idealized and superficial love are presented in both texts which reveal the most interesting connections between them. This is seen in sonnet 14 by the words “through love’s eternity” indicating the idealized and transcending nature of Barrett-Browning’s love for Robert. The spiritual connotations of “eternity” indicate for her love is a spiritual experience which overcomes mortality, thus reflecting her subversion of Victorian values. In contrast TGG can be seen to show the reverse. Fitzgerald presents the perspective that in a world devoid of spirituality and morality, love becomes a form of currency. The protagonist Nick Carraway observes of Gatsby that “It excited him, too, that many men had already loved Daisy – it increased her value in his eyes.” The objectification of Daisy introduces the theme that when dreams become an obsession they fall out of reach, this is seen through Gatsby hopelessly chasing “the green light” yet never reaching it. The idea of love being a commodity is rejected by Barrett-Browning in sonnet 14 through the line “if thou must love me let it be for nought, except for love’s sake only” where she continues describing the necessity for unconditional love. Whilst examining these texts together the desire for profound love is revealed, but is made unattainable to the characters in TGG as their “love” is tainted by their superficial society and a lack of spirituality which is experienced by Barrett-Browning.

The different textual forms allow each author to convey the desire for profound love- the level that is achieved is limited within each context. Despite the corruption of the jazz-age and the Victorian era’s encouragement of woman as passive lovers, both Barrett-Browning and Gatsby pursue profound love. When Gatsby kissed Daisy he “forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God.” The metaphor of the wedding symbolises how Gatsby marries his “visions” of profound love to Daisy. The novel allows Fitzgerald therefore to personify Gatsby’s ideals through the characterisation of Daisy which presents the idea that a materialistic lifestyle does not lead to happiness. This is evident as Gatsby never secures any more than the illusion of Daisy’s love which is foreshadowed by the quote at the start of the novel “gold hatted… lover I must have you!” It also restricts the level of profound love Gatsby can attain as Daisy represents the pursuit of unattainable dreams and provides only the illusion of profound love. Similarly Barrett-Browning uses the form of a sonnet and colour symbolism to convey her visions of profound love. Silver imagery is used throughout the poems to describe love, “silver answer rang, ‘not death but love’” and the “silver iterance” of “love me, love me, love me”, indicates it is a precious type of love. However Barrett-Browning uses gold imagery for heaven which is perceived as the ultimate declaration of profound love, shown by the descriptions of the angels as a “golden orb of perfect song” and the final line “I shall but love thee better after death.” The symbolism of heaven as gold presents the perspective that their love would only be more profound if it were in heaven. This contrasts TGG whose characters are willing to settle for any kind of love with the exemption of Gatsby who like Barrett-Browning pursues profound love but is restricted from it by his society. Through comparing the textual forms and context the meaning of the pursuit of profound love is revealed in each text.

The most interesting and complex connections cannot be wholly revealed by one feature of a text. Elizabeth Barrett-Browning’s sonnets of the Portuguese and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby” demonstrate this point. By exploring and comparing texts in sufficient depth complex comparisons can be drawn from each that are not wholly reliant on how individuals react to the world around them. The analysis of themes, context and authorial intent are critical in exploring the connections between profound love and the limitations each character experiences. These interesting connections are revealed through the careful construction of the whole of each text.
 

strawberrye

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Some quick comments

Intro:
The most complex and interesting connections require a combination of textual features to become completely revealed. -but why do you assert this? and in the succeeding sentence-you essentially repeated this sentence and said they were shown in two texts-essentially the first three sentences of your intro is repeating the same thing almost with the same words. Every sentence in your essay should link well and add substantially to enhancing the question-for example

Consider the crux of your question: ‘It is how individuals react to the world around them that reveals the most interesting connections between texts.’-think about why this statement is false/true?-consider in general terms-maybe it is true because different individuals across different worlds can respond to similar societal concerns that transcends time, and if they can be regarded as using their text as expressive vehicles for their concern, then surely that's an interesting connection between texts and may even form a thesis if you want it to be.

For the entirety of your essay
In general, don't mention character specific events in the introduction-when you mention Gatsby shows superficiality-but superficiality of what is it showing? the best thing to do after writing every essay is to step back, read it aloud sentence by sentence and see whether everything makes sense. Your first thesis is also quite weak-themes of idealised love-that is not critical enough-furthermore-you don't really say 'why'-in your topic sentence it makes interesting connections-highlighting the 'why' is essential for showing personal response and CRITICAL thinking about the text

And also one big problem is structure-very long paragraphs, I usually separate the two texts into different paragraphs-so usually 4 body paragraphs for 2 main ideas altogether-so it is easier to read and navigate-wouldn't usually recommend putting both in the same paragraph-it gets more confusing than 'integrated'-that is more artificial integration rather than actual meaningful idea integration.

When you say additional evidence like-Gatsby shows how dreams...fall out of reach-explain why you think that?-is it because in pursuit of dreams, we lose touch with reality, or we strive for futile pursuit of perfection-never-ending?

Hope this gets you started thinking about how you can improve your essay:)-don't judge whether your essay is worth a particular mark or not-rather focus on how you can maximise your improvement each time-you will find much greater enjoyment in learning that way:)
 

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