ENGLISH STRUCTURE (1 Viewer)

Ritikthegoat

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HEY guys, i go to a shitty school and the way we get told to write an essay is SEEAEAPL form and I watched a bunch of videos and they all say u need like 5 quotes per paragraph so idk at this point. Whats the go?

Also imma jus attach like what my paragpraghs look like and can yall tell me if this good or not, tanks.

The gender restrictions that people must deal with have the potential to impede authentic self-expression and, ultimately, the complete realisation of the human experience. Daldry concentrates on the role that gender plays in society and how many people feel limited by gendered norms on how men and women should behave, dress, and pursue their goals. In the opening scene, close up shots of Billy, his muscles and boxing shoes can be seen while he is constantly jumping on his bed. The close up shots aim to explicitly recognise the motifs carried throughout the film, the shoes and muscle represent the toxic masculinity carried throughout the film and the close up of Billy’s face establishes his innocence as a child and developing his passion of dancing. While he is jumping to the music's diegetic lyrics “I was dancing when I was twelve, Is it too strange to dance so soon”, it suggests to the audience that Billy’s passion for dancing is unorthodox and his dreams challenge the traditional presumption that dancing is only "acceptable for women," anticipating the way in which prejudices will obstruct his quest for identity. As a result, Daldry emphasises how people's motives surface amid difficult circumstances, necessitating individuals' defiance of predetermined expectations in order to forge a genuine identity. Billy is shown as an anomaly among the other boys in the scene where he enters the boxing ring because of the way he walks hesitantly to the ring as opposed to the other boys who are sprinting inside, alongside his body language a heavy bag with boxing equipment symbolises the burden on Billy to excel at boxing because he is a ‘boy. As the scene is coming to an end Billy turns around to face the oncoming ballet class and his back is facing towards the boxing ring showing his defiance to the social conventions of gender. Daldry has forced the audience to feel empathy and show love to the character of Billy, through the use of his innocences, they are also made to feel the effect of gender restrictive societies on the emerging generations and how they restrict true identity to be realised. As a result, Daldry's film wonderfully shows the nature of shared experiences by demonstrating how gender stereotypes that have been set by the community are beginning to be questioned as Billy demonstrates his individuality. Furthermore Daldry has delved into the role of poverty to shape the experiences of Billy and his community.
 

Ritikthegoat

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okay depends what kind of mark youre aiming for but ill be honest. not great. i think structure isnt great, but also just language and techniques probably need some work.
i think the best way to do it is go
topic sentence - (tie into your thesis and the question, and kind of say what youre saying)
context - like just explain an element of context RELEVANT to what youre going to say, so for your case something about gender
quote 1 and explanation - try something more like
Noting the human tendency to conform within the successive exclamations, “I saw Sarah Good with the Devil! I saw Goody Osbourn with the Devil!” Miller foreshadows the fragmentation of Salem through the auditory evokation of a cacophany.
then kind of do the quote/analysis 3 more times, but try to like each thing together. (through furthermore, additionally etc)
Then do a conclusive sentence. something like
Hence, Eliot’s elegant reimagination of the spiritual desolation allows a transcension of the promise of Romanticism, conveying the flawed nature of the human condition through the allegorical exploration of the loss of modern man.
hope this helped!
I do standard and imma be honest I got a 20/20 for that, so I feel like my teachers have set me up to fail at this point. I wanna get like 19/20 or 20/20 for this essay. Where do u put in your personal voice?
 

swarley2345

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How many quotes are you supposed to have each paragraph. I do adv as well, my teacher and tutor have always told me to do 2-3, then have really in-depth analysis.
 

Ritikthegoat

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W
okay depends what kind of mark youre aiming for but ill be honest. not great. i think structure isnt great, but also just language and techniques probably need some work.
i think the best way to do it is go
topic sentence - (tie into your thesis and the question, and kind of say what youre saying)
context - like just explain an element of context RELEVANT to what youre going to say, so for your case something about gender
quote 1 and explanation - try something more like
Noting the human tendency to conform within the successive exclamations, “I saw Sarah Good with the Devil! I saw Goody Osbourn with the Devil!” Miller foreshadows the fragmentation of Salem through the auditory evokation of a cacophany.
then kind of do the quote/analysis 3 more times, but try to like each thing together. (through furthermore, additionally etc)
Then do a conclusive sentence. something like
Hence, Eliot’s elegant reimagination of the spiritual desolation allows a transcension of the promise of Romanticism, conveying the flawed nature of the human condition through the allegorical exploration of the loss of modern man.
hope this helped!
Out of 20 what do you think this will get jus based off this paragraph
 

SadCeliac

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Then do a conclusive sentence. something like
Hence, Eliot’s elegant reimagination of the spiritual desolation allows a transcension of the promise of Romanticism, conveying the flawed nature of the human condition through the allegorical exploration of the loss of modern man.
hope this helped!
Hope you don't mind I'm gonna take heavy inspiration and chuck this into my Eliot essay <3
 

its_ace21

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I do standard and imma be honest I got a 20/20 for that, so I feel like my teachers have set me up to fail at this point. I wanna get like 19/20 or 20/20 for this essay. Where do u put in your personal voice?
u put ur personal voice at the end after all ur qte, u say wtv and link it back to q
 

Ritikthegoat

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in advanced that would be a mid b (14/15) in standard i would guess mid A (18-19), assuming you linked well to the question and stimulus
That means I would get 15/20 in my hsc exam for that section since they are marked by the same ppl?
 

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