Essay Feedback (1 Viewer)

[sutd]

This is only a first draft any feedback will be appreciated.
Evaluate the effectiveness of the law in protecting victims of domestic violence
The legal system's response to domestic violence demonstrates a moderately effective approach in addressing this critical issue. This evaluation focuses on the Family Law Act 1975, Apprehended Domestic Violence Orders (ADVOs), and pertinent statistics and cases to assess the law's effectiveness in protecting victims of domestic violence.

The Family Law Act 1975 and its role in defining and addressing domestic violence. The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) defines family violence in section 4AB as “violent, threatening or other behaviour by a person that coerces or controls the family member to be fearful.” This broad definition recognises various forms of abuse beyond physical violence, acknowledging psychological, emotional, and economic abuse. Despite this comprehensive legal framework, domestic violence remains a significant issue. The Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research (BOCSAR) reported that in 2016, 17% of Australian women aged 18 and over experienced some form of domestic violence, a figure that increased by 2.4% by 2020. This data highlights the persistent prevalence of domestic violence despite legislative measures.: The Family Law Act’s inclusive definition is crucial for recognising the multifaceted nature of domestic violence, but the increasing statistics suggest that further measures are necessary to enhance the effectiveness of these laws in providing real protection to victims.

The role and effectiveness of ADVOs in protecting victims of domestic violence. ADVOs, under the Crimes (Domestic and Personal Violence) Act 2007 (NSW), are designed to protect victims by prohibiting the defendant from specific actions, tailored to the victim's circumstances. These orders are granted based on the balance of probabilities, ensuring that victims have reasonable grounds for fear of personal violence, intimidation, or stalking. The effectiveness of ADVOs is evident in their accessibility and procedural fairness. In 2010, BOCSAR reported that 34,000 ADVOs were granted on the basis of reasonable grounds. Furthermore, the Sydney Morning Herald in 2015 noted that 98% of women who obtained ADVOs no longer experienced domestic violence, demonstrating their immediate protective impact. While ADVOs are effective in many cases, their practical enforceability remains a concern, as breaches are common. This limitation underscores the need for more robust enforcement mechanisms to ensure these orders provide reliable protection.

: Challenges in enforcing ADVOs and recent law reforms aimed at improving protection for victims.
The practical enforceability of ADVOs has been questioned, with breaches undermining their effectiveness. The Melissa Cook case in 2008, where she faced fatal consequences despite having an ADVO, highlights this issue. The Daily Telegraph described the ADVO as a “flimsy piece of paper,” indicating its limitations. In response, law reforms have been introduced to enhance the effectiveness of ADVOs. The Crimes (Domestic and Personal Violence) Amendment (Review) Act 2016 (NSW) aimed to improve accessibility and enforcement by extending the duration of provisional orders and strengthening police powers. These reforms reflect ongoing efforts to address the shortcomings of existing laws. While they mark progress, ensuring consistent enforcement and providing comprehensive support services for victims remain critical for achieving more effective protection.

Conclusion
In conclusion, while the legal system, through legislation like the Family Law Act 1975 and mechanisms like ADVOs, provides a framework for addressing domestic violence, practical challenges and increasing prevalence rates highlight the need for ongoing improvements. Effective enforcement, continuous law reform, and enhanced support systems are essential to ensure that the legal protections for victims of domestic violence are not only robust in theory but also effective in practice

 

[wildwestworm]

Hey nice work on your essay so far

Here's some things I would change to make it a bit more relevant to your stimulus. Your thesis as your first sentence is a good choice, it answers your stimulus. The only thing I would change is the word 'moderately'. Moderately usually means something is good, but not that good - where your essay kind of says the law is both effective and ineffective. I would use 'varying' - something like 'the legal system's response to domestic violence demonstrates a varying level of effectiveness' something along those lines, you can edit it to your liking. I would also make the introduction a little longer, at least 4 sentences.

For your body paragraphs, I do recommend you don't keep sentences like 'The Family Law Act 1975 and its role in defining and addressing domestic violence.' I know this is your draft so I'm not 100% sure if it's just an outline, but I thought I'd let you know anyways. You use statistics and case examples, which is really good, but I do think you should have more media examples. One thing I always recommend is using more popular media examples as they have the most information, ones like Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. You use legislations which is really good, but I also recommend naming some cases.

Examples:
- https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-09...lence-orders-not-working-says-victim/11541742
- Raczkowski v Regina [2008] NSWCCA 152 (breached ADVO, sent letters to protected person and assaulted her eventually)
- Kenny v R [2020] NSWDC 800 (Breached ADVO multiple times, committed assault while under one)

These are just some examples for ADVOs but you definitely might need some for legislations, let me know if you need help with that

Also I feel like you should have some other points, I see you wrote two paragraphs about ADVOs but I think it should be one big paragraph. I don't know your word count though, so it might depend on that. Instead I'd write one paragraph about a legislation, ADVOs and maybe something like Legal Aid? Just an example but you could choose something else. I would write about how legislations are effective, Legal Aid is ineffective, and ADVOs are both effective and ineffective. You can change that around to what you feel is better for you. I think the best way to do it could even be talking about how all of these legal measures can be both effective and ineffective, which shows you evaluating them - making it more relevant to your stimulus.

Your conclusion is great but if you could, maybe add a little bit more to make it 4 sentences. One thing I also recommend is you use the word 'effective' a lot in your sentences. Pretty much repeat it a lot because it shows you are acknowledging the stimulus. Really good draft though, let me know if you need any more help I'm happy to help you with anything else good luck

I have a legal studies essay on my profile if you want to check it out as an example, it's not on family law but hopefully you could get some use out of it

 

[sutd]

Thank you so much, i added the case you mentioned but im rlly struggling alot with strtcure, idk how to start. the essay above was with a lot of chat gpt help just as a start. i feel having a god legal essay is such a struggle for me. i need to contestantly follow a scaffold wihc i cant find anywhere.
this is chat gpt but idk:
Certainly! Here’s the revised essay incorporating the case of Raczkowski v Regina [2008] NSWCCA 152 more explicitly:

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The legal system's response to domestic violence demonstrates a varying level of effectiveness in addressing this critical issue. This evaluation focuses on the Family Law Act 1975, Apprehended Domestic Violence Orders (ADVOs), pertinent statistics, and specific case examples to assess the law's effectiveness in protecting victims of domestic violence.

The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) defines family violence broadly, encompassing physical, psychological, and economic abuse. This comprehensive definition reflects the complex nature of domestic violence. Despite legislative measures, domestic violence prevalence rates remain concerning. For instance, according to the Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research (BOCSAR), there has been a 2.4% increase in domestic violence cases from 2016 to 2020 among Australian women aged 18 and over. The Family Law Act's broad definition is pivotal, but ongoing challenges suggest a need for further enhancements in legal protections.

ADVOs under the Crimes (Domestic and Personal Violence) Act 2007 (NSW) provide immediate protection by prohibiting specific behaviors tailored to the victim's circumstances. While ADVOs are effective in many cases, practical challenges in their enforceability persist. For example, in the case of Raczkowski v Regina [2008] NSWCCA 152, the defendant breached an ADVO by sending letters to the protected person and eventually assaulting her, highlighting the limitations of ADVOs in preventing escalating violence. Similarly, in Kenny v R [2020] NSWDC 800, the defendant breached an ADVO multiple times and committed assault while under one, further emphasizing the inadequacies in ensuring victim safety. These cases illustrate the critical need for more robust enforcement mechanisms to prevent ADVO breaches and provide consistent protection.

In addition to ADVOs, legal mechanisms like Legal Aid play a crucial role in providing support and legal representation to victims of domestic violence. However, the effectiveness of Legal Aid is often limited by resource constraints and accessibility issues, which can hinder victims' ability to seek timely and adequate legal assistance. Media reports, such as an ABC News article highlighting victims' struggles with the ADVO system, reinforce the view that legal protections alone are insufficient without strong support services and effective enforcement.

In conclusion, the legal system's response to domestic violence exhibits varying degrees of effectiveness, with legislative frameworks like the Family Law Act and mechanisms such as ADVOs playing pivotal roles. However, ongoing challenges necessitate continuous evaluation and improvement to ensure robust protection for victims. By incorporating detailed case examples, exploring additional legal mechanisms, and enhancing support services, the legal system can enhance its effectiveness in addressing domestic violence and promoting safer communities.

 

[wildwestworm]

No problem

I think the best way to structure your paragraphs is using PEEL. I don't strictly follow PEEL, but if you feel confused it's best you use it. For your essay, the structure - introduction, body 1 (legislations), body 2 (ADVOs), body 3 (Legal Aid), and then conclusion - is pretty good, it should answer your stimulus. I'm gonna send you an example paragraph on Legal Aid so you can get an idea of how to structure your essay