mooneva
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2007
- Messages
- 15
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- 2007
I've noticed how many people need an example to work from for their creative writing so I'm posting here my creative writing response for 2007 HSC Trials.
I'm also willing to answer any questions anyone has. Also my mark for this was 14/15. ((Also forgive my spelling, I'm horrible in that division
)) The topic was about two people experiencing the same journey but having different perspectives on it.
Here we go:
Ashley had not intended this to happen. The trip to Thailand with Janica was intended to be the let go and break she finally needed, and yet, 16 hours later, in a cramped and sweaty yellowed room, te lack of cockroaches in her kitchen back hom seemed much more theraputic.
Janica threw open the tiny bedroom door at her arrival and the family of thick black roaches scuttled away angrily.
"I've got them! I've got them!" She shreiked triumphantly, every new sylable raised itself with volume and pitch.
"Listen Janica, I don't think this is as good a plan as we thought it would be."
"Oh God, Ashley! Dont be spouting nonsence. You'll feel better after we down a few of these babies." She raised a rather small glad-wrap bag with something brown and shriviled inside.
"Is that them? Geeze, I'd thought they'd look a bit more...glamerous?"
"Well what were you expecting? Yellow polka dots and purple stripes?" She clamped herself onto my sweaty clammy hands and dragged me throught the splintered door and down the mangled stairs into the street.
The heat hit me like a brick in the face.
It scorched and burned along my skin and eyes.
Her hand was sill on mine & she pulled me throught the throb of people to enter another tiny cramped door. It was a nightclub, though it had barley anyone in it yet.
The lights overhead made everything blue & I could see the sweat on Janica's shoulders. She pulled me into a bar stool & leaned over the counter to a buff looking bartender.
"Two shakes please. Same dose for each." She smiled coyly & dangles the bag of dead looking, brown stuff infront of the barman.
He took it and nodded curtly before looking through the various bottles.
"Look Jan. I dont think I can do this. What if I'm alergic or something?" I could feel myself sweating as more people crowded the room on the street & a disk jockey on stage was already fumbling through the controls.
"Ash. This is why we came. This is exactly what you wanted to forget! Forget that spineless idiot back home! Forget your uptight parents at home okay, because this is what were here to do." Her face turned sympathetic in a heartbeat. "We'll be taking the same dose & Tony here," she gestured to the barmen, "will keep an eye on us. It will be completley fine."
Conveniently the ugly brown milkshakes had already been placed before us & wobbled with uncertainty.
I picked it up simultaniously with Janica and she pinched her nose.
"Helps the taste." She informed me.
I did the same & sloshed the drink back.
The pungent an earthy taste of mushrooms asulted my tastebuds, regardless of my nose.
I guzled onward until my eyes filled with tears at the taste & I could see my reflection at the bottom of my glass.
I looked at Jan, who had just wiped her mouth of the frothy brown texture.
The DJ had placed the large record down & with the sudden pumping of bass, the world began to echo.
It was like a cymbol was going off in my brain & beating me sensless from the inside.
I felt movement under my skin, like water tickling my veins. I looked up in stark horror to Jan but she was laughing, laughing so hard that for a moment I thought her jaw wasnt properly attached.
I started scratching at the tickling sensations & looked down at my arms. They were rippling & I knew it wasnt water. I felt them in my cheeks and I started screeching.
"Jan! JAN! THEYRE IN MY FACE! THEYRE IN MY FACE!!"
We were both crying but for different reasons. She seemed like the air was barely getting through her mouth & she was laughing and writhing all at once.
I knew she wasnt going to help me.
I was clawing at my face & I felt skin & blood beneath my fingernails.
The cockroaches were crawling there & I had to get them out. The cymbal in my head was thrashing madly and the strobe light in the club made everything mover slower and faster.
Suddenly I was in the scorching desert.
Then I felt an enormous pressure and I was pinned to the floor. I heard a horrible wretched screaming.
It felt like it was shredding my head appart.
Tony was holding me down. I felt my head banging against the sticky floor over and over. The sand has dissapeared.
My face was stinging and the scream that felt like rusty nails in my temple, I realised, was mine.
***
Jan was sitting next to me on the plane. The self inflicted scratched in my face burned like fire.
"That was the worst thing I've ever experienced." I held my face in my hands.
"It was my best" Jan said guiltily.
I looked up at her in confusion.
"Why was it different for me?"
Jan squeezed her eyes into a squint of thought.
"I dont know, Ash. It just was. The same thing can be different sometimes. I felt like I was on the moon."
"I was in the desert"
"See, same but different. We'll always be somewhere else but still lying on the lynolium floor."
-END-
Hahah, sorry, forgot to warn the squeamish.
Looking back on this I found the drug-trip option to be very cliché. Hoping to improve for HSC though.
So then, any questions?
I'm also willing to answer any questions anyone has. Also my mark for this was 14/15. ((Also forgive my spelling, I'm horrible in that division
)) The topic was about two people experiencing the same journey but having different perspectives on it.Here we go:
Ashley had not intended this to happen. The trip to Thailand with Janica was intended to be the let go and break she finally needed, and yet, 16 hours later, in a cramped and sweaty yellowed room, te lack of cockroaches in her kitchen back hom seemed much more theraputic.
Janica threw open the tiny bedroom door at her arrival and the family of thick black roaches scuttled away angrily.
"I've got them! I've got them!" She shreiked triumphantly, every new sylable raised itself with volume and pitch.
"Listen Janica, I don't think this is as good a plan as we thought it would be."
"Oh God, Ashley! Dont be spouting nonsence. You'll feel better after we down a few of these babies." She raised a rather small glad-wrap bag with something brown and shriviled inside.
"Is that them? Geeze, I'd thought they'd look a bit more...glamerous?"
"Well what were you expecting? Yellow polka dots and purple stripes?" She clamped herself onto my sweaty clammy hands and dragged me throught the splintered door and down the mangled stairs into the street.
The heat hit me like a brick in the face.
It scorched and burned along my skin and eyes.
Her hand was sill on mine & she pulled me throught the throb of people to enter another tiny cramped door. It was a nightclub, though it had barley anyone in it yet.
The lights overhead made everything blue & I could see the sweat on Janica's shoulders. She pulled me into a bar stool & leaned over the counter to a buff looking bartender.
"Two shakes please. Same dose for each." She smiled coyly & dangles the bag of dead looking, brown stuff infront of the barman.
He took it and nodded curtly before looking through the various bottles.
"Look Jan. I dont think I can do this. What if I'm alergic or something?" I could feel myself sweating as more people crowded the room on the street & a disk jockey on stage was already fumbling through the controls.
"Ash. This is why we came. This is exactly what you wanted to forget! Forget that spineless idiot back home! Forget your uptight parents at home okay, because this is what were here to do." Her face turned sympathetic in a heartbeat. "We'll be taking the same dose & Tony here," she gestured to the barmen, "will keep an eye on us. It will be completley fine."
Conveniently the ugly brown milkshakes had already been placed before us & wobbled with uncertainty.
I picked it up simultaniously with Janica and she pinched her nose.
"Helps the taste." She informed me.
I did the same & sloshed the drink back.
The pungent an earthy taste of mushrooms asulted my tastebuds, regardless of my nose.
I guzled onward until my eyes filled with tears at the taste & I could see my reflection at the bottom of my glass.
I looked at Jan, who had just wiped her mouth of the frothy brown texture.
The DJ had placed the large record down & with the sudden pumping of bass, the world began to echo.
It was like a cymbol was going off in my brain & beating me sensless from the inside.
I felt movement under my skin, like water tickling my veins. I looked up in stark horror to Jan but she was laughing, laughing so hard that for a moment I thought her jaw wasnt properly attached.
I started scratching at the tickling sensations & looked down at my arms. They were rippling & I knew it wasnt water. I felt them in my cheeks and I started screeching.
"Jan! JAN! THEYRE IN MY FACE! THEYRE IN MY FACE!!"
We were both crying but for different reasons. She seemed like the air was barely getting through her mouth & she was laughing and writhing all at once.
I knew she wasnt going to help me.
I was clawing at my face & I felt skin & blood beneath my fingernails.
The cockroaches were crawling there & I had to get them out. The cymbal in my head was thrashing madly and the strobe light in the club made everything mover slower and faster.
Suddenly I was in the scorching desert.
Then I felt an enormous pressure and I was pinned to the floor. I heard a horrible wretched screaming.
It felt like it was shredding my head appart.
Tony was holding me down. I felt my head banging against the sticky floor over and over. The sand has dissapeared.
My face was stinging and the scream that felt like rusty nails in my temple, I realised, was mine.
***
Jan was sitting next to me on the plane. The self inflicted scratched in my face burned like fire.
"That was the worst thing I've ever experienced." I held my face in my hands.
"It was my best" Jan said guiltily.
I looked up at her in confusion.
"Why was it different for me?"
Jan squeezed her eyes into a squint of thought.
"I dont know, Ash. It just was. The same thing can be different sometimes. I felt like I was on the moon."
"I was in the desert"
"See, same but different. We'll always be somewhere else but still lying on the lynolium floor."
-END-
Hahah, sorry, forgot to warn the squeamish.
Looking back on this I found the drug-trip option to be very cliché. Hoping to improve for HSC though.
So then, any questions?
