friendship tension.. (1 Viewer)

[lourai*87]

Ok, so my original was too long.

- Friend of 4 years, close for 1 or 2
- she is kinda ditzy, but mostly just very uncomplex
- we get along great one-on-one and i like hanging out with her
- in groups she is different -> often doesnt think before she does things & is irritating

other information:
- a guy she had a crush on has liked me for much longer than she has had the crush
- she admitted she was increadibly jealous of me
- many of my guy friends have liked me but i havent liked them that way
- she is always saying "why does everyone like you" etc
- there are some things that i do better than her (but vice versa as well)

The problem:
- she makes bitter but subtle comments about it and she isnt usually like that
- i never throw any of this in her face, i cant help any of it

So.. what can i do...i dont want her to start resenting me beacuse she isnt comfortable with herself. And i have started feeling like i cant be myself because she will feel bad. Its making me feel frustrated and uncomfortable around her at least...and she used to be one of the main people i did feel i could be myself and comfortable around.

/novel
(& apologies)

 

[mr_brightside]

ditch her cause yr hotter than her

 

[iamsickofyear12]

For some reason everyone thinks there is some trick they can use to avoid confrontation. There isn't. Tell her what is bothering you. It's not that hard.

 

[kitkatkittyau]

Get rid of her, or spend less time with her. You cant help her insecurities, and until she gets over them shes going to continue comparing herself to you. Which inturn will make things even worse if they go on.

 

[iambored]

as above? don't be as friendly with her, who wants to be friends with someone who is making bitter comments about them?

 

[ur_inner_child]

Hm, I had the same problem once.

If you want to keep her as a friend, you should try and create your own social circles that only one of you belong to. Good friendships with too much of the "whats yours is mine, whats mine is yours" isn't necessarily a good thing.

But then again, when I had that problem, I later realised she was a burden.

 

[Season]

You should sit down and just tell her to stop it, its annoying you and everyone else. Should tell her to get over her it and stop being so bitter.

If she doesn't stop doing it after that then stop hanging around with her, its just not worth it.

 

[Nakashima]

"Confront her about it" is bad advice, though it feels like it's the logical thing to say.

Usually minor problems in friendships resolve themselves after some time. In this case, telling her straight out what's shitting you is only going to make her feel worse. If she already believes you to be better than her, confronting her about it will mean that you're also aware of it, and that you're admitting it. A big boost to her self-esteem that'll be.

So yeah, don't sit and talk to her about it. You could do little things that might make her feel more confident about herself. Like tell her if she looks good, or if you think there's a guy who likes her.

It's good that you're not rubbing any of it in, but denying something really obvious can be just as annoying, so make sure you're not being too modest.

This is all assuming you really value the friendship. If she never gets herself together then you might want to talk to her about her self-esteem, but walking away from a friend who's feeling crap about herself is pretty low (in response to above post).

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

^^^ yes, what she said confrontation is really not a good idea in this situation. there are more subtle ways to solve the problem by making her feel better about herself (not that i'm implying you put her down or anything! just that the more she feels she 'measures up' to you, as pathetic as that might sound, the less bitter she will feel.)

 

[fibby.2006]

how weird ,,, you shouldnt feel pressured into not being yourself... IT IS your life after all,, and if this is making you frustrated then may be you should confront her in a nice way,, not like "STOP BEING SO DEPRESSING, YOURE MAKING ME SAD" confrontational kinda way but just talk to her and find out the root of the problem,, may be she might need someone like you to make her feel better... i know i'd want my friend who i envy to tell me good things about myself...you dont need much,,, just a few qualities ... if she dusnt stop "sulking",,, then you need to move away from her,, she's too negative. :wave:

 

[Nakashima]

just talk to her and find out the root of the problem

It's pretty obvious that the root of her problem is her low self-esteem which has led her to believe she's somehow inferior to her friend, which she thinks is the reason why people don't direct their attention to her as often.

if she dusnt stop "sulking",,, then you need to move away from her,, she's too negative. :wave:

Like I said, if you consider yourself a decent friend of any sort, you wouldn't walk away during a difficult time, especially when your friend already looks up to you.

She'll probably become more depressed - "so now you think you're too good to hang around with me".

 

[Lil Miss Karly]

As much as it would be a nice thing to do by helping her get over her insecurities, really it isn't your responsibility. If she is a very close friend and you really value who she in terms of how she fits into your life then try help but really it's her issue. It's quite pathetic and childish of her to let her bitterness be shown because why on earth should you have to supress who you are just because she doesn't like that people love what you've got? If she says something in a bitter or vindictive way then just make a comment on that subtly so she gets the message that you get what she is trying to do and it's not working.

 

[Davriel]

For some reason everyone thinks there is some trick they can use to avoid confrontation. There isn't. Tell her what is bothering you. It's not that hard.

This is very very good advice. I probably won't listen to it since guys don't give a crap one way or another, but listen to this piece of advice. Oh, and try and be civil about it.

 

[lourai*87]

i realised i didnt thank anyone for their help. so thanks guys.. things seem normal-ish for the moment, i think its just that we have spent so much time together over the hols that any small thing will frustrate me now.

cheers