Guys and their confidence...? (1 Viewer)

[Skittled]

(If you can't be bothered reading the whole post, jump to the last paragraph to get the general gist...)

So, I've got a social Psych essay coming up for uni soon, I've noticed a bit of a pattern in the guys on the Love and Relationships forum of BOS. Some are quite confident in their abilities when it comes to, well, Love and Relationships, while others are a little more... well... modest.

I know that once upon a time I was a lot more shy than I am now, and until I stumbled upon some online "seduction" forums (do a google search for 'seduction' of you're interested, but there ARE some caveats, in my opinion.. happy to talk about that scene, but that's another story), I remained that way. After frequenting one of the smaller, slightly more down-to-earth forums for a while, something clicked (about the same time I got a job in retail, which forces you to be social, so that probably had some influence) and I could just talk to the girls I'd used to be very much more shy around, and without any problems.

That was an interesting little situation, though, becasue it flowed on from just success with girls (though, there were some major hiccups with girls along the way too, when I got a little TOO confident), to success in almost anything social. I've always been a leader, but suddenly taking the initiative was easier; as was public speaking and interviews, my sales at work seemed to grow exponentially, my relationship with my teachers (was in year 12 at the time) got better... Even more interestingly, my interest in girls seemed to become less a priority; suddenly life was full of fantastic opportunities that didn't seem to be there before the sudden confidence peak.

As I'm writing this, I realise it could also have just been me maturing, but that's where I'm going with this post. What I noticed the other day was that there're a few guys on here who're quite confident in their abilities, and I'm looking for your thoughts and ideas: Has it confidence (or lack of) been restricted to one or a few main areas of your life? Have you always been confident, outgoing and/or extraverted? If not, where was the turning point and how'd you get there?

What's your story?

 

[jumb]

About year 10.

 

[Angelus]

Has it confidence (or lack of) been restricted to one or a few main areas of your life?

I'm quite confident an extroverted when it comes to thing's i am good at. For sure.
Even if i'm in a situation where i'm not exactly comfortable i'll still remain an extrovert and regain my confidence as the situation allows itself.

But there are places where my confidence seems to falter, like knowing i have done something wrong and there is nothing i can do about it, but i can always seem to pick myself back up.

Have you always been confident, outgoing and/or extraverted? If not, where was the turning point and how'd you get there?

No. I used to be cynical (I am still, a bit...in an amusing sense), depressed, uninvolved, basically thought i was going insane, Oh...and i had no future up until a few months ago (Docter's tests are great).

Now, i have a future and an amazing partner who has helped me through whatever i was going through, i feel like i'm being rewarded for what i went through, i feel like i have a purpose to live now...even if it is to just be with her and make the most of everything, but i would be perfectly fine with that.

Love, friendship and freedom is what keeps my confidence at its top level.

 

[Revolution]

Have you always been confident, outgoing and/or extraverted? If not, where was the turning point and how'd you get there?

What's your story?

Eh, I'm not confident and outgoing or extraverted, really....

 

[Lainee]

Why is this restricted to guys only? Isn't it a question girls can answer too? :uhhuh:

...I like shy guys. Confidence is great, but for the most time people interpret this as over-confidence... I don't think it's attractive in either girls or guys.

 

[Angelus]

...I like shy guys. Confidence is great, but for the most time people interpret this as over-confidence... I don't think it's attractive in either girls or guys.

I think there is a good general line between confidence and over-confidence.

For example a confident guy would walk up to a girl not expecting a knockdown, and if they don't get knocked down they will keep going. Even if they do get knocked down they realise there is more opportunites out there and soldier on.

But, an over-confident guy would approach a girl expecting her to hand herself over to him in a nice tight little package, so they act arrogant and rushed among other things, just wanting to get the job done (Ruins the fun..but thats just my opinion)...so it's definately unattractive.

 

[transcendent]

Whats wrong with introversion?

 

[SashatheMan]

get drunk and confidence is all over you. Sometimes in the morning u wish u were not that confident

 

[guess whos back]

get drunk and confidence is all over you. Sometimes in the morning u wish u were not that confident

haha i reckon aye

 

[jumb]

get drunk and confidence is all over you. Sometimes in the morning u wish u were not that confident

That's not confidence, more stupidity and irrational thinking.

 

[SashatheMan]

That's not confidence, more stupidity and irrational thinking.

i am being lectures by duffman the mascot of beer. pff go have a duff

 

[AsyLum]

Yeah its a maturity, for me it was just the fear of losing someone to another person, and finally having the balls enough to ask.

Since then im a lot more social etc.

 

[jumb]

i am being lectures by duffman the mascot of beer. pff go have a duff

Duff corporation and its subsidiaries support the responsible use of alcohol.

 

[Skittled]

Why is this restricted to guys only? Isn't it a question girls can answer too? :uhhuh:

Good point; didn't mean to restrict it to just guys, Lainee! I only said guys because it was a pattern I noticed in the Guys, specifically, but I'm sure it applies to girls too... So, of course, I'm just as curious as to girls' perspective (or stories, whatever), too..

 

[withoutaface]

Lately I've gotten a lot more mature and slightly more extroverted, although I still don't talk a hell of a lot unless I've had a few drinks.

 

[MaryJane]

I have always been confident and aware of myself and what I like and want. However, after being in my first proper relationship, I realised that the confidence I used to have and display was a lot more innocent, and I was living only for me- I didn't really take into consideration the way my actions might affect others.

But since being in a relationship, I became more aware as to how my actions could be interpreted in different ways, and I played on that a lot. The confidence I had was much more flirty and sexual because I realised just how hung up guys could get when I did certain things, and the same went with friendships. I stood up for them a lot more than I did in the past, because from my confidence with guys stemmed this trail of thought that I could say or do anything I wanted, and I could always save my ass when I needed to (so if I offended someone in the process of helping a friend, I could easily win back their favour).

Since then, I think I've changed a lot again and I'm not interested in sending guys into a tailspin by sucking a cherry, but that could also be because I'm finally in a relationship in which I'm happy and actually want to be in 100%. In terms of friendships, I find myself still standing up to people when they hurt those I love (especially my family and bestest friends!), but have discovered there are just some people out there who arent worth your time trying to be nice and helpful to.

Hmm... maybe you didnt want a girls story on their confidence and how its developed and matured... but it happens with us too!

P.S. I think confident guys are sexy, as long as they're not too confident in the cocky way (which, unfortunatly most are)... but shy guys are cute too coz you can crack their shell and eat the cute goo inside!

 

[table for 1]

the guys in here who are overly confident are just trying to trick us with their psuedo personailities.

they think we fall for it? never.

 

[wanton-wonton]

the guys in here who are overly confident are just trying to trick us with their psuedo personailities.

I am your king.

 

[Enlightened_One]

I used to be the shysest bastard around. And I'ms till a bit shy at times and hopeless when it comes to confidence around women.
I have stood up to so many people over the years when I thought I was dead and am doing things, including making an idiot of myself, that I wouldn't have contemplated a few years ago yet I'm still a little coward around girls. I can talk with them and get along with them but when it comes to the 'hitting on' bit I turn into a little pussy.

I'm working on a twelve step program involving hitting on girls at random. So if some strange guy hits on you ladies give him the nicest brush off possible to boost his confidence.

 

[Shuter]

I have stood up to so many people over the years when I thought I was dead

How can you think you're dead? Quite clearly if you can think, you're still alive.