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help-can some one check my 家族speech~ (1 Viewer)

yinyin

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hey this is my japanese beginner oral assessment~
ive proof read it many times, but i'm still scare of any mistake, can you pleae proof read it~ and tell me where sure i pause apart from the full stop~
���꤬��~ i havent learn katakana yet!

ive put my speech as link~
thanks
 
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rhia

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australia → oosutoraria

haha wa, yonjyuusai de, chuugoku de umaremashita. → haha wa, yonjyuusai de, chuugoku de mo umaremashita.

watashi wa yin desu. → watashi no namae wa, yin desu.
i've done this because of the context, but it isn't essential.

watashi wa chuugoku de umaremashita. demo, oosutoraria jin desu. → chuugoku de umaremashita ga, watashi mo, ima, osutoraria jin desu.

watashi no kazoku wa kami no ke ga kuroi desu. → kazoku no minna wa kami no ke ga kuroi desu.

tagai → takai

watashi no petto wo katte imasu. → watashi wa, petto wo katte imasu.

here, if you've learned how to yet you could make use of relative clauses, 'as for the pets that i keep...' ... 'watashi ga, katte iru petto wa...' and continue on with what you have to say about your dog, but i'm afraid i can't make out the first sentence about it.

you've written: "my dog's height is short. but the dog's eyes are big. the body is small. the dog's nose is long. but its ears are big. my dog is pretty."

you've used a lot of complete sentences to describe your dog's features, but because this is a little long, i've contracted it using -ku te, which enables the linking of adjectives, and re-arranged it slightly. i've also assumed that by 'tagai' you meant 'nagai'.

my dog's short, and has a small body. the dog's eyes and ears are big, and its nose is long. my dog is pretty. → inu wa, se ga hikukute, karada ga chiisai desu. me to mimi mo ookii de, hana ga nagai desu. inu wa kirei desu.

"一day" → tsuitachi (+desu).

lastly, you've inconsistently used kanji, which shouldn't matter as this is a speech, but it's something to note. this includes watashi, chichi, haha... and don't forget australia is oosoturaria, or オーストラリア.
 
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pLuvia

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Just skimming through rhia's comments

inu wa, se ga hikukute, karada ga chiisai desu. me to mimi mo ookikute , hana ga nagai desu. inu wa kirei desu.

and also yinyin, your sentences are too short you should connect the sentences together to make it longer using ~te, de, kara etc.

And yes the inconsistency of the simple kanji

"kazoku no supiichii"

No need for so many commas, you used too much. Japanese is not like english so try to minimise the use of commas etc. Commas in japanese is like "to" or "de", when you say "demo," you should put a comma and things like that.

The numerous times you said watashi is not necessary, people will know the ownership of the dog, your mother etc as it is your family, so try to minimise that as well. Try using variations like "boku"

anmaro --> anmari
karata --> karada
tagai --> takai

And that's all I have time for, hope it helped
 

rhia

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pLuvia said:
Just skimming through rhia's comments

inu wa, se ga hikukute, karada ga chiisai desu. me to mimi mo ookikute ...
cheers, i was thinking about that after i left the computer this morning, mentally kicking myself in the head. you're a legend!

-r.
 

yinyin

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thanks guys!~ Ur guys really out me out~
Thanks...
hey can i ask what is
hikukute, ookikute mean?
Sorry i havent get myself a dictionary yet!
thank you really much~
 

rhia

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yinyin said:
thanks guys!~ Ur guys really out me out~
Thanks...
hey can i ask what is
hikukute, ookikute mean?
Sorry i havent get myself a dictionary yet!
thank you really much~
don't be sorry - hikukute and ookikute are the -te forms of the i-adjectives hikui and ookii. the -te form of verbs (and adjectives...) has many functions, but here, it serves to link sentences. to form the -te form of i-adjectives, simply drop the final i-, and add -ku te. are you currently doing year 11 beginners? if so, don't worry, because you'll learn more about this later in the course. cheers.
 
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pLuvia

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About the dictionary I recommend you get Furigana

hikukute, ookikute mean?

These kind of things you won't find in the dictionary since they are rules/structures you must follow
 

rhia

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pLuvia said:
About the dictionary I recommend you get Furigana

hikukute, ookikute mean?

These kind of things you won't find in the dictionary since they are rules/structures you must follow
don't know about furigana myself, but i use 'a dictionary of basic japanese grammar' which is fantastic, but yes - is a bit difficult to navigate, as have to know what you're looking for as such. e.g., to find out the meaning of 'hikukute' in it, have to look under "-te form".
 

abcd9146

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yeah the furigana (kodansha) dictionary is good... but its like 60 sumthing bucks... thats too expensive, mine cost me $25, and its good enough for me. but seriously, in exams you're not gonna use a dictionary much anyway (well atleast you shouldnt).

btw, rhia, that dictionary is cheating :):) it teaches you all the -te forms... what about other structures???
 

rhia

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abcd9146 said:
yeah the furigana (kodansha) dictionary is good... but its like 60 sumthing bucks... thats too expensive, mine cost me $25, and its good enough for me. but seriously, in exams you're not gonna use a dictionary much anyway (well atleast you shouldnt).

btw, rhia, that dictionary is cheating :):) it teaches you all the -te forms... what about other structures???
cheating? how! other structures? the dictionary contains a lot of structres, great examples, appendixes and indexes and etc.

i use it because i prefer proper, in depth explanations, not superficial ones or those that aren't explanations at all but just teach you to memorise a structure without really understanding it.
 
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pLuvia

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rhia said:
cheating? how! other structures? the dictionary contains a lot of structres, great examples, appendixes and indexes and etc.

i use it because i prefer proper, in depth explanations, not superficial ones or those that aren't explanations at all but just teach you to memorise a structure without really understanding it.
If you are going to use it in exams, make sure it is Board Of Studies approved
 

rhia

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pLuvia said:
If you are going to use it in exams, make sure it is Board Of Studies approved
oh, have no intention of using a GRAMMAR dictionary in exams - i use this for studying, and furthering my knowledge on my own. it's not a dictionary dictionary.
 

abcd9146

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is there a list of bos approved dictionaries, its not like you can have one... i can bring a jap-chinese dictionary, and im pretty sure thats still allowed...

oh, and if anyone is still cares, my school gave me the furigana (kodansha) dictionary today, and its is supposeably really good. but the problem is that the Jap-english side is in hiragana/katagana, so you need to know the order of your japanese alphabet (which i cannot remember)
 

Wackedupwacko

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hmmm i think all the dictionaries (those books not electronic) are allowed. this about it ... if u bring in something thats a grammar dictionary.... what use is it? the time it tkaes to look up the structure u want to use then use it... y bother....

anyhows with that speech... most of the inconsistancies have been mentioned.... like the no commas and all. for a beginners (im not too sure what level that is ) it seems alrite... mayb try joining one or 2 sentances together?

eg first line : watashi no kazoku ha san nin de chichi to haha to watashi desu. (ironic how my teacher was telling us not to use that line for our exams.... she rkns its too.... generic)

by dropping the su from desu u can connect sentances .... just make sure they are relevant. also instead of using demo all the time for but mayb a different way? like

something something desu. demo blah blah desu.
something something desu ga blah blah desu .

this just makes 2 sentances into 1. if u want even more variety u can replaces ga with kedo (same thing really).

another note : u said ur mother was born in china then the next line u went and said shes an australian. im not saying thats wrong but the way u worded it makes it sound like shes like an actual aussie person.

so instead of that mayb u could have:
oosutoraria jin desu -> ima (now) oosutoraria (australia) ni sundeimasu (currently lives at)

and correct me if im wrong but... doesnt umaremasu take the particle ni? not de? so the line before that should be:

chuugoku ni umaremashita

do not change between watashi and boku. stick with one... otherwise it will seem inconsistant....

watashi no kazoku wa kami no ke ga kuroi desu. → kazoku no minna wa kami no ke ga kuroi desu. : doesnt flow and tls badly . lit translation: everyone in the family is hairs colours black. the paritcles are slightly in the wrong place ie:

kazoku no minna no kami ga kuroi desu.

next line again wrong particle: replace ha with no ... rite now ur saying ur family is nose and so forth ... which doesnt make any sense really. actually it appears more often than that this confusion between no and ha

ok quick lesson:

particle ha basically its like the "Is" part of the sentance.... something ha something -> something is something.
particle no is possession . something belongs to someone/something. something no something

examples
watashi no hon -> my book
watashi ha hon -> i am a book

so go thru and see where u need to hcnage and not. eg dog's nose is not inu ha hana , its inu no hana.

anyways i needa go now but before i go just add this before u say arigatou.

kore ha ijyou desu. (that is all). then say thank you, it ends ur speech. i find that when people just say thank u and walk off without an ending ppl dont realise and u sometimes lose marks for just "disappearing". this applies to english as well. so make sure u properly end it with that line or something else thne say arigatou.

hope this helps
 

bubz :D

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very quickly

you don't need so many commas. it's a bit unnatural and makes it difficult to read! for example, in your first sentence, you don't even need a comma at all. watashi no kazoku wa san nin desu.

and maybe instead of saying where you were born and "oosutoraria jin desu" after each person, try "chuugoku kara kimashita ga, ima oosutoraria ni sundeimasu", ie we are from china but are currently living in australia.

or "chuugoku de umaremashita ga, ima oosutoraria ni sundeimasu" (we were born in china but are currently living in australia).



edit: wackedupwacko said something similar :) and chuugoku de umaremashita IS correct!
 

yupgisonyun

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abcd9146 said:
is there a list of bos approved dictionaries

Any monolingual and bilingual dictionaries can be brought into the exam as long as it is not electronic and i'm pretty sure kanji dictionaries can be used too besides, the examiners won't check dictionaries, they'll only make sure no one is using an electric one. You could even write in 'notes' and the examiners will never know... of course not that i'm "advising" anyone to cheat in an exam~
 

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