how do you know if it should be over? thoughts/ suggestions (1 Viewer)

[.:newii]

i've been with my bf for 7 months now and it feels as though i give up so much more of my life for him than he does for me. i know that he does love me more than i love him. but the thing is, he is always the one who ends up hurting me. he is the one that does all the stupid things and in the end i keep taking him back. but now its as though our relationship has moved away from being fun and moved onto being kind of boring. like everytime i see him we do the same things, its as if i've lost the spark, but the thing i dont get is that i get excited when i see him, but when i actually do its like, oh you again.

recently everytime he says that he loves me, im always reluctant to say it back, or i just dont say anything. i've been having these doubts on and off for like 2 months now and i dont know what to do. he wants to be with me, but i dont know if im willing to risk my HSC year for him because in the end it's like am i really going to be with him for the rest of my life. i cant change who he is and, i know this sounds so slack, but if this is all he can offer and if its gonna be like this for the rest of my life than i dont want to be with him, because i want someone better.

he doesnt know im feeling this way or that ive been having doubts because i dont want to freak him out and also i dont know what i want myself.

has anyone else been in a similar situation or any suggestions/ thoughts that may be helpful?

 

[Jago]

I completely agree with you on the routine/boring thing. You know you should feel lucky to have someone who cares about you soo much, but at the same time you feel bored/constrained. I've thought about it for almost a whole month, finally deciding to end it with her (this was a while ago) because in the end she (or he in this case) deserves someone who loves them as much as they love you.

 

[*ashlea*]

yeah, if you're having such serious doubts as that its probably best that u break it off.. by doing it now u'll decrease the amount of pain u will both feel in comparison to if u strung him along for even more months.. get it over with now, focus on your studies and see where u end up..

if u think about it and cant see yourself wanting to be with him at the end of this year then get the stress of a breakup over now b4 your exams which really count..

make sure u be honest when u tell him how u feel though.. 7 months is a fairly long time for someone your age and it wouldnt be fair not to let him know everything.. sit down and talk it out..

good luck.. hope it turns out ok 4 u..

 

[.:newii]

yeah, if you're having such serious doubts as that its probably best that u break it off.. by doing it now u'll decrease the amount of pain u will both feel in comparison to if u strung him along for even more months.. get it over with now, focus on your studies and see where u end up..

if u think about it and cant see yourself wanting to be with him at the end of this year then get the stress of a breakup over now b4 your exams which really count..

make sure u be honest when u tell him how u feel though.. 7 months is a fairly long time for someone your age and it wouldnt be fair not to let him know everything.. sit down and talk it out..

good luck.. hope it turns out ok 4 u..

thats exactly how i feel ...i thats part of the reason why im having such serious doubts because he distracts me soo much, i see him like everyday and its really putting a strain on balancing school, work and a serious relationship. hes at TAFE and is working aswell, but because his HSC is over, hes got so much more free time than i do. the thing is though i dont want to break up and regret it in the end, if i realise that i do want to be with him. or in the othercase if i stay with him, then after tihs year i dont want to realise that it was all a waste...geez its so complicated. plus he is my first bf and so its even harder because i dont know what i really want for sure yet!

 

[*ashlea*]

oh u poor thing... im with my first serious b/f 2, and we've been together 7months next monday.. so i know how u feel.. my b/f's at uni and i see him almost every day.. this isnt really putting a strain on me though, because he can help me with my work if i need, and he knows to stay away a bit when im doing intense study 4 tests..
i see myself wanting to be with him next year without a doubt tho, so i know its worth it..
maybe u should write a list of pros and cons plus your thoughts about where u stand in a diary (i know it sounds silly, but hear me out) think about what his thoughts would be as well.. can u see a future together at this point.. can he? are u moving away 2 uni next year/will he be moving away? would u be able to live with him or would he drive u crazy? etc etc..
do this over say, the next week and then read back over it.. u should be able 2 cement your thoughts after doing this, and come to a decision..

i certainly don't envy your situation here.. good luck with it..

 

[sunjet]

its ok i am bored as well

 

[Tuggi3]

If your hearts not 100% in it then dont put yourself through it, especially since this is your HSC year.

And if you break up it doesn't always mean forever. You never know you two could be meant to be and find each other down the road...(i know it sounds cliche)

I broke up with my serious bf during my hsc las year (we'd been togetehr for well over 2 years), but then, right before my trials, beleive it or not, we got back together because the break we had apart (like 6 months), was enough to show us both how much we really loved and needed each other.


BUT if it doesn't feel right and good now then don't go through it. You don't need the extra stress...


Good Luck!!

 

[colboltic_dream]

I feel the same way. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 years and I dont know.. its just not the same anymore. But it just feels weird to end it after that long.

But I personally think that your HSC is more important than a boyfriend. I think you should just take a break from your relationship then after the HSC see how you feel about the relationship. Like do you still want it? or are you better off without it

 

[santaslayer]

Sounds like you girls want drama more. We aren't in the movies. How exciting do you want a 4 yr relationship to be? You've done most of the exciting things in the early days of your relationship. I'm just curious.

But 7 months isn't too long, so break with him if you really have to.

 

[Jago]

Of course girls want drama, what a odd thing to say.

 

[colboltic_dream]

Sounds like you girls want drama more. We aren't in the movies. How exciting do you want a 4 yr relationship to be? You've done most of the exciting things in the early days of your relationship. I'm just curious.

But 7 months isn't too long, so break with him if you really have to.

Thats not true. Theres other stuff that has changed the relationship. We are always fighting and its just not the same due to ahh.. other stuff

 

[Beckiki_S]

I dont think you should disregard a relationship just because you dont think you'll be with them forever. You're going to have so many relationships in life that will end. But they're all worth something.
But i do know what you mean with everything else... its not about having DRAMA its about having PASSION. Sometimes that passion takes the form of drama and thats why guys get so confused.

 

[*~bunni~*]

im in the same situation too, ive been going out with my boyfriend for over 11months now and even before that i was best friends with him so he's just like a part of me. but now its begining to feel like theres no point to the relationship, term time mucks us around coz we hardly get to see each other, but even on weekends wen we plan to do something like half the time nothin ends up happening and the other half we just bum around and do the same old thing.

it always seems like im waiting around for him and that he isnt seeing how much im stressin ova hsc and that i need him, we both love each other heaps but im begining to think that just isnt enough.

im just worried that if i break up with him that could upset me even more, while im pissed off with him alot of the time, i always seem to forget any annoyance when im with him coz he does make me so happy. arghh!!! very annoying circle!

so i can see where you coming from newi, to do it or not to do it, its just too hard!

 

[jumb]

You're going to have so many relationships in life that will end. But they're all worth something.

People need to stop putting so much pressure on relationships, that's how you fuck them up. Just go with it and only leave when YOU are unhappy.

As for drama, yeah, girls are a fan of drama. It stems from the excitment factor that they crave from relationships.

 

[gna]

your situation sounds like mine.....just stick with it and carry on through...it'll make it stronger, because you have settled in the relationship and your use to each other now....

 

[.:newii]

he's just like a part of me. but now its begining to feel like theres no point to the relationship,wen we plan to do something like half the time nothin ends up happening and the other half we just bum around and do the same old thing.

it always seems like im waiting around for him and that he isnt seeing how much im stressin ova hsc and that i need him, we both love each other heaps but im begining to think that just isnt enough.

im just worried that if i break up with him that could upset me even more, while im pissed off with him alot of the time, i always seem to forget any annoyance when im with him coz he does make me so happy. arghh!!! very annoying circle!

yes, exactly that is my relationship aswell! we spend so much time together that we have become like one person, i always know what hes thinking or what he wants 2 do. and thats so true, when we plan something it never ends up happening either. he was never really into school and studying, but i am, so it makes it harder because all he wants is 2 have fun and spend time with me and he just doesnt understand that i need his support. he does put in an effort 2 try and help me study though but then we always just end up wasting time and doing nothing, so it would have been better off if i hadnt seen him at all.

im worried that if i break up with him i will constantly be thinking about him, and its soo hard to not talk 2 him for a day, let alone forever. if i break up with him than i'll probably try 2 loose all if not than most contact with him because i know that seeing him or just talking to him will bring back all these memories which will make it even harder for both of us to move on.

as for the annoying circle - i am in that situation aswell, he pisses me off soo bad, but then he makes me happy when i see him. that just makes me even more confused!!

well thanks 4 that bunni, at least now i know im not alone in this.

 

[baby706]

hey one of my friends is in kinda the same situation as u (but hers is alot worse as he is really nasty to her etc) but if u r having these doubts u r best to break it off now before it gets even more full on otherwise u r going to find it even more difficult to let go. the longer it goes on the more close u will become and the more attached u get.

 

[santaslayer]

Wasting time is one of the best-est things you can do with a partner. You don't have to be constructive to spend 'quality' time with them.
If you girls can think of something more interesting and new to do with your boys then by all means go for it. Sometimes girls put all the responsibility of making things happen on the boys. Girls need to bear some of the duty as well.... Do you want fireworks with that?

 

[ogmzergrush]

http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=47850

I maintain what I said there.

 

[jumb]

your situation sounds like mine.....just stick with it and carry on through...it'll make it stronger, because you have settled in the relationship and your use to each other now....

What a load of crap! You must be the most unhappiest person in the world.