Hsc revision practice - short answers |question 1| (1 Viewer)

[BPunjabi]

Hey Guys,

I will be uploading various answers to questions from past hsc's and Trials. Would you, being the community kind enough to mark my short answer responses and notion what I could improve to get extra marks. So here is part one - Question one,

Thank you so much
Bpunjabi

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Text One - 2013 (HSC)
https://www.boardofstudies.nsw.edu.au/hsc_exams/2013/pdf_doc/2013-hsc-english-std-adv-p1.pdf
Disconnection is contrasted through the dark opaque colours of the building and the man. The boys facial expression and structure whilst sitting down glances towards a sense of disconnection as he presents a sad and secluded being, which generates a sense of disconnection. The text also provided analysis as the boy is compared to the tall structures which relates to his place in the world, this gives the audience a sense that the boy is disconnected.
Mark: /2

Text One - 2014 (HSC)
https://www.boardofstudies.nsw.edu.au/hsc_exams/2014/pdf_doc/2014-hsc-english-p1-std-adv.pdf
The cover of 'Alone Together' supports Turkles statements of the sense of isolation and loneliness which is powered by the digital world. Isolation is proven as everyone is walking in different directions with their phones in their hands, not focusing on anything else. Also provided is a line of four children who are on their phones rather than talking to each other. This relates to Turkles statement on how being on a phone gives children the comfort of "knowing someone wants you" which forms a sense of identity though also secularising each other.
Mark: /3

Text One - 2015 (HSC)
https://www.boardofstudies.nsw.edu.au/hsc_exams/2015/exams/2015-hsc-english-p1-std-and-adv.pdf
The excitement of the couple is expressed through their dialogue when the man says "Oh, man look at this!". This exclamation evaluates their suprise in the discoveries found. The crying out of "books here!" shows how the woman is determined to find something worthwhile. Irony is expressed in the reply of "no!, I don't want that. I don't want any junk in my apartment" as the couple is exploring through another persons junk.
Mark: /2

Text One - 2015 (TRIAL)
http://community.boredofstudies.org/attachments/44/english-area-study/33331d1468202607-aos-2015-english-trial-papers-hunter-sports-2015-english-trial-paper-1-practice-paper-1.pdf
The physical discovery is motioned through the imagery of the boat which s contrasted against the sea and land. The metaphorical butterfly's represent the clear idea of discovering new animals and aspects when finding a new nation. The dark salient figures are contrasted against the bright blue colours of the sea and the light brown ship which signifies the importance of the disembarment.
Mark: /2

Text One - 2015 (TRIAL)
http://community.boredofstudies.org/attachments/44/english-area-study/33332d1468202613-aos-2015-english-trial-papers-hunter-sports-2015-english-trial-paper-1-practice-paper-2.pdf
'The secret garden' poster conveys a girl looking through a keyhole alluding to secret discoveries to be made as the girl finds this location. The metaphorical keyhole represents the unlocking of the mind as it explores and wanders to new destinations.
Mark: /2

Text One - 2015 (TRIAL)
http://community.boredofstudies.org/attachments/44/english-area-study/33333d1468202617-aos-2015-english-trial-papers-hunter-sports-2015-english-trial-paper-1-practice-paper-3.pdf
i. One idea presented is that the woman has discovered various aspects through readings which have lead to new emotions and evoked feelings.
ii. This is explored by the persona hugging a metaphorical entity representing a human as it is literally in contact with her feelings.
Mark: /2

 

[wenq]

One thing I noticed (just reading through) is that your responses use very awkward language? Your marker won't mark you down if you use the simpler, clearer (and more accurate) alternative to the words you're using at the moment. On the contrary, you could potentially lose marks by being too obscure.

 

[pikachu975]

I read your second response, and you don't have any techniques, which already means you won't get 3/3. Try include things like vector lines, colour, etc for the image, and techniques like metaphor, repetition, etc for the text component.

 

[BPunjabi]

One thing I noticed (just reading through) is that your responses use very awkward language? Your marker won't mark you down if you use the simpler, clearer (and more accurate) alternative to the words you're using at the moment. On the contrary, you could potentially lose marks by being too obscure.

Sorry could you give examples

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

 

[BPunjabi]

I read your second response, and you don't have any techniques, which already means you won't get 3/3. Try include things like vector lines, colour, etc for the image, and techniques like metaphor, repetition, etc for the text component.

What vector lines would you supply for that image. The four people on their phones?

 

[wenq]

Sure thing.
Rewriting your first one:
Disconnection is depicted through the jarring contrast between the dark opaque colours of the building and the colourless boy, as if they belonged to different images. The boys facial expression and sideways glance suggests he is sad and secluded, disconnected from the world. Furthermore, the juxtaposition of the small stature of the boy to the tall structures depicts the displacement of the boy from the city, heightening the sense of his disconnection from his surroundings.

When you use 'contrast', you need to be specific in what you're contrasting (x with y) then explain how it relates to disconnection.
'glances' isn't an appropriate verb. Try 'suggest' or 'show'.
'The text provided analysis' is unecessary. The text doesn't self analyse, you're analysing the text. Which happens to be redundant because that's what's implicitly expected anyway.
Just be clear and explicit with what you're trying to say. Even in this one, it isn't specifically disconnect from the 'world' but disconnect from the 'city'. Though world sounds more impressive, the markers are looking at your understanding of the text (which can be pretty simple) as opposed to how much you can talk it up

Also, for a 2 mark question, we really only need one good insight, and one technique to back it up.