I honestly don't know quite why. I got everything I could have asked for: a UAI over 90, and the course I wanted at the university of choice. And yet, when I see how many people on here did well, as well as my friends, and then read that marks were easier to come by this year (2004) more than ever, I can't help but feel like I could have done better.
I did well in Advanced English, ever my Achilles heal, and in fact, it was my second best examination mark. In the SDD test, I missed at least 15 marks because I spent to long on certain questions, yet I still got a mark of 83. I guess I shouldn't be so annoyed about this in particluar, because the extra time I spent on the questions might be the reason I did so well with what I did answer. However, that thought is helpful, but I still can't escape the feeling that I might have done a bit better.
For Mathematics I made some very stupid misatkes that I think would have cost me several marks. I wasn't worried about Maths Ext (dispite getting a years worth of tutoring), and I realised the test was so hard it wouldn't have mattered whether or not I'd studied harder for it (I spent the time on SDD, instead). Chemistry was my lowest mark, when, before I got my marks back, I was sure it would be my highest. I had no problem with Physics, I got a band 6 with a mark of 93.
I don't want to sound egotistical, because I am generally quite modest about these things, but all through school I was the best in everything. There was nothing I couldn't do, and I was always better than everyone at it. It's so hard to accept a UAI as average as 90.95 when I see so many people at the open days with 98+. It's not that I didn't put the work in, hell, I had more than a few 10 hour days leading up to my exams. I worked as hard as the best of you.
I don't go to a private or selective school (although I could have), which I guess is in part the reason I didn't do as well as some of you here. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure you all put in a lot of hard work, but it helps when you have excellent teachers acorss the board. I had to teach myself Chemistry, SDD, and English (and I will be ever grateful to the many users on these boards that helped me do that). I did go to a Catholic school, and I came fourth, I believe, in terms of UAI. A lot of teachers congratulated my HSC marks, but then I see so many people have done the same sorts of courses I have done, some even harder. It just makes the UAI feel so empty, because I can no longer fall back on the excuse that "they were really hard subjects".
I don't know. Maybe this sounds like some stupid angsty rant by a moron. I just needed to get it off my chest, and share it with others who might feel the same way. Half the people I know didn't care about school, and those that did got better marks than I did, so it makes things hard to discuss with them.
Basically...
