im not sure what to do now?? (1 Viewer)

[pRiNCesS..!!]

i have a problem..i just broke up with my bf of like 11 months, i love him so much..
i know it sounds stupid that i broke it off..but we are getting to routine and im bored.we fight and have sex, he always puts me off coz he has to work yet wen i make plans with my friends he gets the shits coz im not going to see him..im not angry at him, and i rarely get angry at him unless he is being totally stupid doing things that i often ask numerous times for him not to do, then he winges that im always yelling at him, but i feel like he only listens to me when im yelling, even then he doesnt listen to what im saying he only hears the noise..
now he thinks i dont care..he thinks i havnt cared for a while, but i do i care so much and i hope i love whoever i marry i love as much..but we value so many different things, and he isnt willing to make the same sacrifices for me as i am for him, like if i were to marry him id hav to stay in the country, which im not a fan of at all, i dont hate it, i just dont really want to stay here, i love the coast, but i was willing to sacrifice going to uni to do something i like rather than staying here getting stuck in a low paying job and depending mostly on him...i was willing to sacrifice everything i valued in my future just to be with him..
have i done the wrong thing..because at the moment i just feel an ache, i feel mean..

 

[bubz :D]

i can understand.

it's natural to feel empty when you just break up with someone, try not to blame yourself! sometimes even after all the sacrifices, you start to see that they're not the right person. or you might just need time apart. i don't think you did the wrong thing - you can think of this as a break from each other or something, you don't know what might happen in the future.

 

[azzie]

whats the point of being in a relationship when you fight with your partner all the time and both of you get angry or upset? like ok, that was for 11 months- imagine what it would be like to be with him for 3 or 5 or 15 years.
its my firm belief that if you convince yourself you love someone, you can "love" anyone. so ok, you love him and you've been in a kinda long term relationship. just because you love him doesnt mean he's right for you. in the past ive thought i was in love, but when i found THE right person, boy did i see how wrong i was all those other times.
ive been in that kinda relationship and i'll tell you right now, its better to walk away and try to find someone else than hoping and wishing it will turn out well. unless you both change, and the whole relationship changes, it'll go back to the "same old" situation before you know it, and you'll end up doing the same shit again.
right now you're probably thinking he's the only one for you and that he's all you want, but having been in the "been there done that" situation, i can tell you there is better. a lot better. you just have to find out what you want. there are other guys out there. for seriously.

 

[sparkl3z]

so, if you're married are you gonna divorce your husband just when you have a few arguments? look, you people give up too quickly, first try, you're just giving up without trying to sort stuff out, if you truly love eachother then you should be able to manage taking time and listening to eachother.
now, i reread what you've written properly. i think you need to talk about what he wants, you said you'd sacrifice stuff for him, you can't just assume that he wouldnt sacrifice things for you, too, you need to get him somewhere and just talk about these.

 

[azzie]

you dont break up over a few fights but read what she wrote again- its become a pattern. thats not a good thing.

 

[sparkl3z]

true...if it's been going on for a long time, then it might not be the best thing to do by staying with him, but, if she hasnt talked to him about stuff without yelling, then maybe she could give it a try, give him, or them a last chance, coz 11 months is a long time, she shouldnt lose someone important to her over something, if it could've been solved..you know, she might regret later.

 

[studynoob]

pfft go skate or smoke weed or drink beer it relieves ur problems!

 

[iambored]

edit

 

[choc-chip]

I dislike the fact that 90% ppl here "loves" to use the word "love".
Some of you are just too young to know what "LOVE" is.
Enjoy ur teen life when you still can, you don't need anyone else to make you into a real person.

 

[crazyhomo]

I dislike the fact that 90% ppl here "loves" to use the word "love".
Some of you are just too young to know what "LOVE" is.
Enjoy ur teen life when you still can, you don't need anyone else to make you into a real person.

if you're too young to vote, you're too young to love

 

[Shell]

I dislike the fact that 90% ppl here "loves" to use the word "love".
Some of you are just too young to know what "LOVE" is.
Enjoy ur teen life when you still can, you don't need anyone else to make you into a real person.

omg that is almost my opinion of love. however, i dont believe there is any age or time when someone is old enough to feel love. But i do feel that some people waste their excellent youthful, teenage years being stuck with one person. HOW BORING! i dont want a bf for a looong time. i love being single its so much fun. Watching my friends become bored in their 3 year relationships with guys who barely know them makes me pity them, and anyone else who feels like they need to be in a relationship for their lives to mean something.

 

[azzie]

if you're too young to vote, you're too young to love

sweet! im able to tell what love is!!

hahaha ok no seriously. people mature at different rates and in different ways. at 16 my grandmother fell in love with my grandfather, he was 6 years older than her. and things worked out really really well for them, they loved each other heaps and all that. i dont think you can put an age limit on when you can know what love is or when it will happen. you can find love at 15 or 30 and it will still be love.

then again i think a lot of kids these days just want a partner to say they have someone and as shell says they end up dating for ages, not getting out there and having fun while they're in their early teens. a relationship and love in general shouldnt be boring or stale or blah. if thats so, you and your partner should think about why you're dating and if you can do something to make the whole thing better for the both of you or if you should just let it go. im glad ive been in other relationships where ive thought ive been in love and that ive lived through bad relationships because it makes me appreciate the one i have now more, and i think thats the way things should be. my mum didnt date anyone before she married my dad, and it took her a while to pick up the signs that maybe he wasnt 100% right for her. dating and exporing the idea of love is a really useful tool for building new relationships.

so basically, yes.

edit: also iambored is right- if you have to supress who you are in a relationship, think about how unhappy you'll be later on. if you cant be real with your partner then you dont have a real relationship and its not real love.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

If you think you're in love, don't go "hmm, maybe I'm too young. Meh, it can't be love" because it just could be. There's nothing to lose from believing you're in love and finding out later that it was just a crush. Most people have an idea of what love feels like, and when they're rushing into "love" just for the sake of it, they'd know deep inside that it isn't love, but they won't admit to it.

That relationship doesn't sound like it could go anywhere, even if you do stay together you'll probably crack in another few months. It's not worth sacrificing everything for one person. It might sound like a romantic idea but in reality it really is a pain in the ass. If you let him have everything his way, you'll spoil him and he'll end up taking you for granted. Don't throw your entire future away just for a guy you've dated for only 11 months.

It might hurt now, but eventually you'll move on. By the time you do, you'll realise what a good choice you made in dumping him. Even if you never quite get over him, it still beats working your butt off 9 to 5, afraid of another fight when you go home, and wishing that 10 years ago you dumped him for good.

 

[Scantily_fox6]

If you don't love him - make your mind up. Either wallow over this or do something to get through it. Try to get on with your life - busy yourself.

 

[santaslayer]

Sacraficing is a part of any relationship. But sacraficing something like academics is just wrong. Tell him to go with you to uni or something.

 

[Casmira]

I think you need to give yourself time, as corny as it sounds and as impatient as you might be at the moment. Any decisions made now may be tainted by your emotions, and could be the wrong decision. If your BF is truley a great guy, he will wait as long as you have too to make the right choice. If he doesn't then he isnt worth it, you can't just constantly "love" him so he hangs on. Let him make the decision too.

The reason I can't give you a direct answer is because none of us here know you, or your boyfriend personally. While its easy for any of us to kickback and say "He's great keep him" or "He's a prick, drop him"; its ultimatley upto you to decide because you know you, and you know him better than all of us BOS'ers posters combined. I am offering you advice on how to better make a decision.

But from my standpoint, azzie has a valid point:

whats the point of being in a relationship when you fight with your partner all the time and both of you get angry or upset? like ok, that was for 11 months- imagine what it would be like to be with him for 3 or 5 or 15 years.
its my firm belief that if you convince yourself you love someone, you can "love" anyone. so ok, you love him and you've been in a kinda long term relationship. just because you love him doesnt mean he's right for you. in the past ive thought i was in love, but when i found THE right person, boy did i see how wrong i was all those other times.
ive been in that kinda relationship and i'll tell you right now, its better to walk away and try to find someone else than hoping and wishing it will turn out well. unless you both change, and the whole relationship changes, it'll go back to the "same old" situation before you know it, and you'll end up doing the same shit again.
right now you're probably thinking he's the only one for you and that he's all you want, but having been in the "been there done that" situation, i can tell you there is better. a lot better. you just have to find out what you want. there are other guys out there. for seriously.

That "vicious cycle" azzie is talking about happend too my friend as well, its been a year since she broke up with her first bf and she is only starting too get over it now. She can't even talk too him without it feeling wierd (she keeps thinking, 'oh maybe he likes me'). And she kept thinking he was the "right one".

Good luck in your decision, I'm somewhat glad I never have had too experience this sort of complicated shit couples go through ... yet :uhhuh:

 

[IcEy]

That "vicious cycle" azzie is talking about happend too my friend as well, its been a year since she broke up with her first bf and she is only starting too get over it now. She can't even talk too him without it feeling wierd (she keeps thinking, 'oh maybe he likes me'). And she kept thinking he was the "right one".

I'm kinda like that still with my ex. Its been getting better cause we haven't talked or seen each other or accidentally bumped into each other. I hate that so much, that horrible horrible shred of vain hope that just lingers...its horrid.

 

[Casmira]

Whats worse is when the girl never liked you and like me you assume every possible hint is somewhat she likes you

 

[Diddimz]

similar to what i did, broke up with my girl the day before our 1 year anniversary, due to the same reasons. It hurts, but the best things in life are never easy and nearly always painful to begin with.