zahid
Sheikh Mujib-ur-Rahman
Letter From America
Imaginary conversation between Bush and Condoleezza Rice on Bangladesh
Dr. Fakhruddin Ahmed writes from Princeton
Below is a fictitious and wishful conversation between US President
George W. Bush and the Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice, as
Secretary Rice presents the President with a letter signed by sixteen
US legislators.
---------------STARTs----------------------------------------
Dr. Rice: Mr. President, here is a letter signed by sixteen Senators
and Congressmen about Bangladesh.
President Bush: What's "Bangladesh"?
Dr. Rice: It is a South Asian country that used to be a part of
Pakistan.
President Bush: Why isn't it now? What else has Musharraf been doing
behind my back? I knew I couldn't trust the guy!
Dr. Rice: This happened long before Musharraf, Mr. President. In
1971 "East Pakistan" broke away from Pakistan and became Bangladesh
with India's help.
President Bush: No wonder Henry Kissinger said you couldn't trust the
Indians!
Dr. Rice: No Mr. President, Bangladeshis welcomed India's help.
President Bush: So, what's the problem now?
Dr. Rice: The legislators say that there is too much political and
religious violence in Bangladesh, eminent citizens have been killed
and the government cannot find the killers.
President Bush: I cannot find WMD in Iraq either. Join the club!
Dr. Rice: The legislators worry that if the violence goes unchecked,
Bangladesh may become a haven for Al-Qaeda
President Bush: There is Al-Qaeda also in, what's the name,
Bangladesh?
Dr. Rice: Al-Qaeda is everywhere, Mr. President.
President Bush: Then why can't I find them anywhere?
Dr. Rice: The legislators worry that if the trend continues,
Bangladesh may fail as a state.
President Bush: So what's the big deal? I have failed in everything I
did all my life, and look, I am a two-term President of the US! Way
to go, what's the name again, Bangladesh!
Dr. Rice: The lower courts in Bangladesh are not independent, the
legislators complain.
President Bush: So, what's-his-face, Bangladesh's courts are like
ours! Remind me to mention this when I announce Sandra Day O'Connor's
replacement.
Dr. Rice: Transparency International calls Bangladesh a very corrupt
country.
President Bush: Make Enron and Halliburton opaque to them! And my
reasons for invading Iraq. And the sinking of New Orleans because of
the tax breaks for the rich. Who are these legislators, anyway?
Dr. Rice: Senator Ted Kennedy has signed the letter.
President Bush: That liberal fatso from Massachusetts! And you expect
me to listen to him? Who else is there?
Dr. Rice: Senator John Kerry.
President Bush: John Kerry, from Massachusetts? The guy who tried to
take my job away last year? And you mention him to me! Are you out of
your mind, Condi? Let me see the letter (President Bush snatches the
letter away). Who is Barack Obama?
Dr. Rice: He is freshman Senator from Illinois. He is African
American.
President Bush: Very funny, Condi! I know for a fact that there is no
African American in the Senate! Who else signed the letter? Colin
Powell? If he did, I will fire him.
Dr. Rice: He resigned, Mr. President.
President Bush: Tell me something Condi. If whatchyoumaycallit,
Bangladesh, is so bad, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would have
invaded it! Why did the legislators have to tell me first?
Dr. Rice: Ummmmm…..
President Bush: You are fired, Condi! Just kidding! Tell me more
about this Bangladesh. Who is the dictator of this evil nation ?
Dr. Rice: Bangladesh is actually a democracy, Mr. President.
President Bush: You got to be kidding me! I am telling the Arabs, the
Muslims and the world that democracy is panacea for everything and
you are telling me that this evil nation, what's the name again,
Bangladesh, is a democracy! There goes my theory!
Thanks a lot! You haven't answered my question though: who is the guy
that leads this Bangladesh?
Dr. Rice: It's actually a woman, Mr. President. Bangladesh has been
ruled by two democratically-elected women for the last fifteen years.
President Bush: Do you have all your marbles with you, Condi? You
mean to tell me that this evil Bangladesh is actually a democracy
that has been run by two democratically elected women for the last
fifteen years? I guess the next thing you are going to tell me is
that Bangladesh is a Muslim nation and the two women are Muslims.
Dr. Rice (very embarrassed and red-faced): Actually it is a Muslim-
majority nation and the two women leaders are Muslims, Mr. President!
President Bush (stunned): Let me get this straight. You mean to tell
me that this Bangladesh, which I thought was an evil nation is
actually a functioning parliamentary democracy which has been run by
two women Prime Ministers for the last fifteen years, and we are
trying to destroy it by labeling it a terrorist and failed state?
Dr. Rice: We are not attempting to destroy Bangladesh Mr. President;
although some of our friends in the area may be.
President Bush: The neocons told me that Muslims and democracy do not
go hand in hand. Now you are telling me that Bangladesh is a Muslim
nation and a democracy which has been led by two women Prime
Ministers for the last fifteen years. Why did the neocons lie to me,
Condi?
Dr. Rice: You have to ask Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Feith, Libby,
Bolton, Perle, Pipes, Krauthammar, Gaffney and Kristol that question,
Mr. President.
President Bush: Muslims are supposed to oppress women. How did the
two women Prime Ministers come out of their seclusion? Do Bangladeshi
girls go to school, Condi?
Dr. Rice: Unlike neighbouring countries, Mr. President, up to the
seventh grade more girls than boys attend school in Bangladesh.
School is free in Bangladesh, Mr. President.
President Bush: Condi, I like this Bangladesh. It is everything I
want to see in a Muslim or any other developing nation. I want to
help Bangladesh in every possible way to defeat political and
religious violence. I want to make Bangladesh a beacon of democracy,
moderation, prosperity and women's empowerment in the Islamic and the
rest of the world. Are you with me on this, Condi?
Dr. Rice: Absolutely, Mr. President!
President Bush: One more thing, Condi: ask their Bangladeshi American
constituents not to make political contributions to these sixteen
legislators and ask the Bangladeshi Americans to vote these sixteen
legislators out of office!
Dr. Rice: I will, Mr. President.
Imaginary conversation between Bush and Condoleezza Rice on Bangladesh
Dr. Fakhruddin Ahmed writes from Princeton
Below is a fictitious and wishful conversation between US President
George W. Bush and the Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice, as
Secretary Rice presents the President with a letter signed by sixteen
US legislators.
---------------STARTs----------------------------------------
Dr. Rice: Mr. President, here is a letter signed by sixteen Senators
and Congressmen about Bangladesh.
President Bush: What's "Bangladesh"?
Dr. Rice: It is a South Asian country that used to be a part of
Pakistan.
President Bush: Why isn't it now? What else has Musharraf been doing
behind my back? I knew I couldn't trust the guy!
Dr. Rice: This happened long before Musharraf, Mr. President. In
1971 "East Pakistan" broke away from Pakistan and became Bangladesh
with India's help.
President Bush: No wonder Henry Kissinger said you couldn't trust the
Indians!
Dr. Rice: No Mr. President, Bangladeshis welcomed India's help.
President Bush: So, what's the problem now?
Dr. Rice: The legislators say that there is too much political and
religious violence in Bangladesh, eminent citizens have been killed
and the government cannot find the killers.
President Bush: I cannot find WMD in Iraq either. Join the club!
Dr. Rice: The legislators worry that if the violence goes unchecked,
Bangladesh may become a haven for Al-Qaeda
President Bush: There is Al-Qaeda also in, what's the name,
Bangladesh?
Dr. Rice: Al-Qaeda is everywhere, Mr. President.
President Bush: Then why can't I find them anywhere?
Dr. Rice: The legislators worry that if the trend continues,
Bangladesh may fail as a state.
President Bush: So what's the big deal? I have failed in everything I
did all my life, and look, I am a two-term President of the US! Way
to go, what's the name again, Bangladesh!
Dr. Rice: The lower courts in Bangladesh are not independent, the
legislators complain.
President Bush: So, what's-his-face, Bangladesh's courts are like
ours! Remind me to mention this when I announce Sandra Day O'Connor's
replacement.
Dr. Rice: Transparency International calls Bangladesh a very corrupt
country.
President Bush: Make Enron and Halliburton opaque to them! And my
reasons for invading Iraq. And the sinking of New Orleans because of
the tax breaks for the rich. Who are these legislators, anyway?
Dr. Rice: Senator Ted Kennedy has signed the letter.
President Bush: That liberal fatso from Massachusetts! And you expect
me to listen to him? Who else is there?
Dr. Rice: Senator John Kerry.
President Bush: John Kerry, from Massachusetts? The guy who tried to
take my job away last year? And you mention him to me! Are you out of
your mind, Condi? Let me see the letter (President Bush snatches the
letter away). Who is Barack Obama?
Dr. Rice: He is freshman Senator from Illinois. He is African
American.
President Bush: Very funny, Condi! I know for a fact that there is no
African American in the Senate! Who else signed the letter? Colin
Powell? If he did, I will fire him.
Dr. Rice: He resigned, Mr. President.
President Bush: Tell me something Condi. If whatchyoumaycallit,
Bangladesh, is so bad, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would have
invaded it! Why did the legislators have to tell me first?
Dr. Rice: Ummmmm…..
President Bush: You are fired, Condi! Just kidding! Tell me more
about this Bangladesh. Who is the dictator of this evil nation ?
Dr. Rice: Bangladesh is actually a democracy, Mr. President.
President Bush: You got to be kidding me! I am telling the Arabs, the
Muslims and the world that democracy is panacea for everything and
you are telling me that this evil nation, what's the name again,
Bangladesh, is a democracy! There goes my theory!
Thanks a lot! You haven't answered my question though: who is the guy
that leads this Bangladesh?
Dr. Rice: It's actually a woman, Mr. President. Bangladesh has been
ruled by two democratically-elected women for the last fifteen years.
President Bush: Do you have all your marbles with you, Condi? You
mean to tell me that this evil Bangladesh is actually a democracy
that has been run by two democratically elected women for the last
fifteen years? I guess the next thing you are going to tell me is
that Bangladesh is a Muslim nation and the two women are Muslims.
Dr. Rice (very embarrassed and red-faced): Actually it is a Muslim-
majority nation and the two women leaders are Muslims, Mr. President!
President Bush (stunned): Let me get this straight. You mean to tell
me that this Bangladesh, which I thought was an evil nation is
actually a functioning parliamentary democracy which has been run by
two women Prime Ministers for the last fifteen years, and we are
trying to destroy it by labeling it a terrorist and failed state?
Dr. Rice: We are not attempting to destroy Bangladesh Mr. President;
although some of our friends in the area may be.
President Bush: The neocons told me that Muslims and democracy do not
go hand in hand. Now you are telling me that Bangladesh is a Muslim
nation and a democracy which has been led by two women Prime
Ministers for the last fifteen years. Why did the neocons lie to me,
Condi?
Dr. Rice: You have to ask Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Feith, Libby,
Bolton, Perle, Pipes, Krauthammar, Gaffney and Kristol that question,
Mr. President.
President Bush: Muslims are supposed to oppress women. How did the
two women Prime Ministers come out of their seclusion? Do Bangladeshi
girls go to school, Condi?
Dr. Rice: Unlike neighbouring countries, Mr. President, up to the
seventh grade more girls than boys attend school in Bangladesh.
School is free in Bangladesh, Mr. President.
President Bush: Condi, I like this Bangladesh. It is everything I
want to see in a Muslim or any other developing nation. I want to
help Bangladesh in every possible way to defeat political and
religious violence. I want to make Bangladesh a beacon of democracy,
moderation, prosperity and women's empowerment in the Islamic and the
rest of the world. Are you with me on this, Condi?
Dr. Rice: Absolutely, Mr. President!
President Bush: One more thing, Condi: ask their Bangladeshi American
constituents not to make political contributions to these sixteen
legislators and ask the Bangladeshi Americans to vote these sixteen
legislators out of office!
Dr. Rice: I will, Mr. President.
