Is there any good way of saying "you're not in our group anymore"? (1 Viewer)

[glitterfairy]

I had to do this today I am still feeling so terrible about it...

Our group member was basically uncontactable for 10+ weeks and didn't contribute at all. He gave us the impression that he was going to continue not coming to meetings ("I'm at an interview with my dad")/optional tutes/total lack of contact... all group members felt it's not fair for him to get the marks that we worked for, and by and by he got crossed off the list by the tutor.

I feel absolutely miserable because I'm doing that girly overanalysing thing, and I figure if I could have emailed him more, asking him whether he was even alive (barring fact he contributed 0 to groupwork so far and we thought he'd dropped BBA), giving him maybe even one last chance (which I'd proposed, but left meeting before it was set in stone who would send it, everyone thought I was but I'd only said "I'd say something lke ___", not "I'll send it"). He rocked up to the tute today (first time since week 1) and explained he'd been acting as an interpreter for his father who was applying for citizenship. Naturally he's quite gutted he's been outed from the group...


None of the other people in my group had the guts to tell him today that he wasn't part of the group. I didn't want to either, but I figured it wasn't fair to let him sit there thinking everything was fine when it wasn't, so I got up and told him what was going on and why. Hardest thing I've ever done

He can get the remaining 5% of marks if he contacts and tutor and persuades her to let him have a presentation mark, and if he works his butt off and catches up (somehow), but the biggest barrier is really the other people in my group. I've barely contributed because I don't know anything about business, but because I've at least always been *there* and have volunteered to present (let's face it, as a BCA student I know how to present, and the rest of my group know it), so they're willing to make a lot more concessions for me. But not for him, particularly when he could screw up their marks because a) he wasn't there, and b) the rest of the group isn't willing to step him through it like they have with me (words cannot express how lenient my group has been on me!!!). Presentation 'parts' have already been delegated...

Had a chat to my friend about this, and they described it as a lose-lose situation for him either way.

*feels miserable*

 

[redruM]

Does it do you any harm in him getting a mark?

Thats what I have used to deal with such situations...

 

[robo-andie]

Don't feel so bad.
If he wasn't bludging the marks, then he would have made a more recognisable effort to explain the situation he claims he is in.
Rather than turning up and going "Oh, I was acting as an interpreter" he should have approached the group before and explained the situation. You shouldn't feel bad about kicking him out, it was his fault. He didn't contribute and failed to communicate with the rest of the group.

 

[glitterfairy]

Does it do you any harm in him getting a mark?

Thats what I have used to deal with such situations...

For the first part no, second part yes because even if he looks through the charts to find out what we did, he doesn't know WHY and thus either can't present, or will screw us up a bit because his contributions to the presentation won't support what the rest of us are saying... :S

At this point no-one but me is willing to support him coming back into the group...in the grand scheme of things I'm happy to be passive and let it slide but the rest of my group aren't, and as they're the hardcore business people who are unofficially running the show......!

Don't feel so bad.
If he wasn't bludging the marks, then he would have made a more recognisable effort to explain the situation he claims he is in.
Rather than turning up and going "Oh, I was acting as an interpreter" he should have approached the group before and explained the situation. You shouldn't feel bad about kicking him out, it was his fault. He didn't contribute and failed to communicate with the rest of the group.

Thanks, that does make sense and I'm feeling better about it now.)

 

[AsyLum]

Mike says you did the right thing.

 

[sukiyaki]

and julz! says you did the right thing too!
dont feel bad really i would actually feel bad if i was in the situation too though
he should at least told you before about what he was doing a simply email or phone call but he didnt how simple is that

 

[glitterfairy]

He would often send our unofficial team leader sms's saying "I'm at an interview with my dad" about two minutes before our tute... gah.

I hate myself sometimes. I'm such a softie. He told us how he drove all the way from the city but was just a little late for the tute... and of course he doesn't sms anyone to tell us that he is there, or that he will be late and to stay back for him!!!! *head desk*

 

[*hopeful*]

i wouldnt care either way, let someone else take care of it,
evil yes bothered no

 

[iambored]

Of course you feel bad and so are going to overanalyse. Think about before you talked to him. Did you think he deserved more emails? Did he deserve more contact from you all? Probably not. He could have at least told you all before what was going on, apologised, made plans to do some work, caught up on meetings, it was his responsibility. There are always people who are not going to do the work and he was probably one of them.

You did the right thing telling him how you all felt because it isn't fair for people to be really annoyed but not approach the person. They could either approach him or quit bitching about it.

As for letting him back, I think you should do whatever you feel is right. People can get really hostile and unsympathetic when they gang up in a group (i.e. the rest of your group). If he deserves the second chance and will actually do work then let imo him back in. If he won't do work and be serious about it he doesn't deserve the second chance.

 

[glitterfairy]

I believe he would do as much work as he could (and that is possible) but it's as if he's already missed the boat... he didn't go through the experience like the rest of us did, and if it weren't for my infernal soft-heartedness there would be zero team spirit between him and the rest of us. He's already been crossed off the list - I told him to email the tutor and I plan on doing the same myself. I have no idea what I'm going to say but I'll have to think of something :S

I personally want to let him in because a) I'm stupid and b) I feel terrible because he was acting as an interpreter for his dad who can't speak english, and who was applying for citizenship.... but when all is said and done... he really should have contacted us in advance, and in DETAIL, not just something that amounts to "I'm not going to be there".

I do feel that he did deserve a final "We are very concerned about your lack of attendance/contribution and if you do not reply to this we will have no choice but to have you taken out of the group" email which was going to be sent a week ago (still too late for the bulk of the assessment though, I guess), however through disorganisation on the team's behalf, this email was never sent and our unofficial team leader had the guy booted off before today's tute (which is when he FINALLY showed up). However he had been given a number of emails and sms's asking for him to show up or at least give us a sign, which he never responded to.

That doesn't stop me from kicking myself though... I don't think he would have responded to my email, but I wish so badly that I could go back in time and send it, just for peace of mind if nothing else. It's all the "what if's" that are killing me

I don't know whether I'm being overly idealistic here but I don't think he was deliberately slacking off, however I do think he has a LOT to learn about professionalism. If you don't call into work and tell them you won't be there, you'll be given a warning or even fired when you don't show up. People don't always give other people second chances... whilst we didn't hang ourselves on the line for him, he wasn't doing it either and it's just bad luck that he happens to be in a group where the majority of team members aren't willing to forgive.

 

[clairegirl]

well if i was in ur situation.. it would depend on my mood.. i get really competitive and unfair sometimes ... and i wouldn't have any trouble at all whatsoever telling him that he wasn't in our group anymore..

however you guys probably should have left a msg on his phone or osmething telling him that we're gunna kick you out of the group... so that he had time to redeem himself ... but oh well.. glitter... just go with wat ur group's doing now, i mean right now im pretty stressed with other tests/presentations n stuff i have to do..plus preparing for exams.. i don't think im obligated to cater for this guy that hasn't put any effort or communicated his problems to the group.. hence i would not deal with him, he's not worth my time.

Why use up your valuable time to cater for his lack of initiative and his plain stupidness

 

[Kabeio]

Didn't thoroughly read the post..

But did you know the group member? if you didnt not hard to tell him hes a fukin kunt i guess.

 

[iambored]

He should have contacted you in detail. He should have replied to the smses. He does have to learn a thing or two about that. In other cases I have known people to lack contact and then piss people off either because they were scared, akward, intimidated etc. but I he had no reason to be any of them. So I don't know why he wouldn't have replied besides dodging work, being lazy, replying the first few times and then feeling bad so avoiding the situation later, or not understanding how much work you were all doing without him. If you know your group is doing the bulk of an assessment or any of an assessment without you, you should do something about it.

With the emails what's done is done. He did have warning messages, he should have realised (the above paragraph), you can't change that no one sent him an email and it wasn't your responsibility to send it, if the unofficial team leader has enough power to kick someone out of the group they also could have thought about giving a warning, I doubt anyone else feels bad, you have no reason to feel bad about it.

But being in your situation I would give him a second chance, or at least advocate for one, if you feel he deserves it. If he doesn't get the second chance at the discretion of the other students and the tutor you will again have nothing to feel bad about - majority rules, you can only do your part and be happy with what you did.

You have to realise that this (my) perspective is coming from another softie who will in most cases (besides cheating, lying etc) give people chances because you can never understand how people think and work, but a lot of the time I hate being that way as well.

Ultimately it was the group decision and you unfortunately had to break it to him. You shouldn't have to take it to heart.

 

[Orange Juice]

you need to analyse the situation like this... will this guy be useful in the future? (powerful friends, hot friends, boyfriend material, etc etc)
then tell yourself whether you did wrong or not. thats how i live my life.

 

[what971]

Personally, I think it's really cute that glitterfairy is feeling so 'emotional' about something so simple.

He didn't contribute to the group = bai bye!

 

[AsyLum]

you need to analyse the situation like this... will this guy be useful in the future? (powerful friends, hot friends, boyfriend material, etc etc)
then tell yourself whether you did wrong or not. thats how i live my life.

Lynn, YOU MISSED THE BOAT?!

 

[iambored]

aha! so that's why she wants to him back in the group, *tsk tsk* for fooling us .

 

[glitterfairy]

LOL

No, no, and no again

 

[cpjeeves]

So, just curious - how'd this end up working out?
I think I'm similar, Lynn, I over analyse this kind of stuff when it happens in my life, but honestly, whatever happened, I bet you've done nothing to worry about. This is uni, not high school and people are responsible for themselves and their own actions - nobody elses' (to repeat what others have already said better, heh).

 

[AsyLum]

Gigglefairy: You're like soooo CUT!
Jigglypuff: But...I...Do work!! SEEE!!!!
Gigglefairy: Too late, amigo *takes out wand*

Gigglefairy: SUPA-GIGGLE-FAIRY-DANCING-SNOW-FLAKES!!!!!!! *flashing lights*

Jigglypuff: *cries* WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Gigglefairy: How you like dem applez, bitch?!